asiu Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 so far after the break up ending with sort of a mess. i've gotten an email and a text over the 9 days, haven't replied to any of them. at the time of the conversation, he told me not to be sad and stay strong for finals week, but said if i hate his guts, he will understand.... (yeah, many thanks to him for doing this to me before finals!!! thank god i found ENA quick enough!) i don't know wut he's thinking, maybe assuming i'm hating him because i havent responded to him? he just texted me, wanting me to respond to let him know how i am and said he's wondering about me and worried. do i do anything or nothing??? advice please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweet_loving_girl Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 NOTHING! He dumped you...correct? Yes it was bad timing....but when is it ever the right time? Worry about yourself...and to be honest....he may just be being selfish...some people play this game. They dump you...then want you to pine for them and tell them how upset you are. Concentrate on the your finals....as hard as it is....you'll kick yourself if you let this get the best of you right now. This board seriously has kept me sane in my recent breakup...use it and know that everyone here knows to an extent how you are feeling. We are all here for support Now kick on your finals! xox Angelina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady00 Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 Don't bother replying. If you bump into him just tell him you've been busy studying. You won't even have to make up an excuse cause it'll be true! If he doesn't see you or hear from you, he'll assume that you hate him or that you're busy studying...doesn't really matter which. He is just feeling surprised that you're not contacting him and so he wants to call to make sure you're still there. If you feel you must respond...a quick "I'm fine...been busy studying" would do. If you see him, don't let on that you're bummed out about the breakup. Just act happy and go off to study for your exams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeTeeCee Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 i agree with sweet_loving_girl, do NOT ponder over this too much, if at all. my ex also recently broke up with me a couple weeks before finals and made it even worse by contacting me and taking me out to dinner for my birthday (which was after the breakup and JUST before finals week). i had to force myself with all my might to try and not get sidetracked nor sulk nor think about her constantly. luckily i made it through by completing all my projects but my grades do reflect the period of stress/anger/depression/unmotivation/grief i went through during this term, as they are not as great as i was hoping they would be. so yeah, DONT worry about him, concentrate on your studies because you do NOT want to let him affect you so much that your grades and your future get jeopardized by him. and yes, go kick bootie on those finals Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xmrth Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 He sounds like my friend's ex boyfriend. There's no reason for him to be worried, I don't know what he's doing, probably just trying to get into contact with you because you're actually doing what he didn't think you'd be doing, and that's moving on and not being the one calling him. Just continue with what you're doing, move on and study for finals and if he gets in touch with you tell him to get a grip, you don't need him to worry about you, he can worry about himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asiu Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 he's already gone home for the summer and i still have finals, so as far as running into each other, that won't happen. at least i won't see his face for a good few months over summer. if i don't respond to him for weeks or a month or maybe more, when should start responding to him? and how? even when school starts again in the fall and if he didn't come back to me by then, do i just be nice and brief when me run into each other and show that i have 'moved on' ? thx! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweet_loving_girl Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 check out some of the threads and posts about NO CONTACT....they are great reads...and very valuable in helping YOU heal! I'm doing 3 months of NC...and I know after that...I won't even have the desire to acknowledge my ex's exsistance. If you run into him at school in the fall....you can do what feels right at that time..whether it's 'hi'...or to not even say anything at all. Only time will tell how you feel... Now you said "if he didn't come back to me by then..." do you want this guy back? Really think about this....that is why you need to do No Contact so you have time to really sort through your feelings when they are not so fresh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeTeeCee Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 that's really up to you. i don't know of the circumstances behind the breakup and i certainly don't know your relationship til then. if you know that the breakup was the nail in the coffin and that you don't want to get back into a relationship with him, then you'll probably need some time without contacting him to move on, and you'll have to let him know this as well. on the other hand, if you do feel like he's worth getting back together with, then.. i'm not sure, i have no experience with this really and don't know what the best course of action may be, perhaps someone can give their insight? all i can say for now is focus on YOU, and your studies, trust me, you can respond anytime after if you really want to, but i would say that not dealing with that right now (since you two ARE broken up) would be in your best interest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asiu Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 he broke up with me and i did things that led to that, but of course i am not the only person with mistakes in this relationship. i have reflected upon my part and already had my issues and feelings sorted out. i do still wanna give this relationship a chance, im still willing to work hard on working out our differences. but on one condition - only when he becomes "enlightened" on his own about his part in our relationship. obviously, i cannot help him with that. im determined to stick with NC, im just still a bit confused about to what extent of NC i should do in the coming months of summer...and how to repond to differnt kinds of 'poking'... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweet_loving_girl Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 well I may be wrong with this...but this is my take on NC Take 3 months...do this for YOURSELF. If you feel you have done your part in the demise of the relationship...then take that time to work through those things. It is very easy to say "I won't do it again"..another to really not do it again. They say it takes 3 weeks for something to become a habit...but things that are a part of your personality...those take longer to break free of. Take this time to work on yourself. If the love is still there in 3 months...then you can reconnect and go from there. If you fear he will 'forget you' or move on...then it wasn't meant to be. You need to realize this. People don't forget someone they once shared their life with. He will not forget you. So take the time to work on yourself....and yes he needs to have his own epiphany..and he needs to do that own his own. Don't push him to do it...or he will only resent you. My ex and I broke up for 2 months....then got back together...for him only to leave me again over a week ago. It's over for good now. I won't go back for 3rds. As much as you are hurting right now...it will get better. You will have really good days...and really bad days. For me...nights are the worse. That is when my day has slowed down and I miss his phone calls to say "good nite...I love you" You can do this...you can do NC and trust me...if things are meant to be...they will find their way. If it's not meant to be...this will be time for you to grow and work on yourself. Only good will come of this...I promise you that. Take care of yourself...and be good to yourself! xox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asiu Posted May 7, 2007 Author Share Posted May 7, 2007 when at wut point is it ok for LC?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finalcloud13 Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 Probably in any case that isn't possible to do NC, such as if you pass by your ex often because of work or school and they talk to you when they see you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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