Disappointing

[tgt]

nice...she told me yesterday that she was done talking with him and I just intercepted another email

 

CHRIST I can't handle this

 

I get into town to work for the next 3 days and I see a little girl waiting outside her house, maybe to go to school, and I can't handle it. I lost it...thinking about having a broken home with my two little girls.

 

My heart grieves with you King5, I also have a broken home now with two little boys and a 4 year old girl.

 

Just make sure that you dont jump to conclusions - the OM may not be as willing to let your wife go as she is (hopefully).

[King5]

I swear to god..I am so flipping close to calling to SOB at his office and confronting him...Hell I'm even MORE interested in ahving a face to face with him

[treefrogkate]

I think the one you need to confront is your wife. You need to tell her you know how far the conversations have gotten, and that she is still contacting him. You can tell her she can yell at you later for snooping, but the fact is that she has NOT stopped contacting him like she promised to do, and that if it doesn't stop, you WILL leave. There is no way around that.

[King5]

Well that was fun...went to a therapist and she said I need to recognize that this is her acting out and that nothing will probably come from it. That I'm clinically depressed, I need to stop reading her emails or it will get worse, and I need to work on fixing my relationship

[King5]

well I confronted my wife...will update shortly

 

Told her I went to a therapist and that i needed to get stuff out in the open...

 

Told her I snooped on Monday and saw a piece of an email she sent him and that she was referencing crap..blah blah blah

 

She started crying and said she was sorry, said it had been an honest emailing back and forth with a lawyer that was helping her with a book. Long story short it took a left turn, and she felt flattered and followed it along. She said she can't be angry at me for snooping because there was cause and she is REALLY ashamed. She said that she will sever all ties with him right away and that we can focus on other issues that she was afraid to bring up to me..

 

She said she felt that when I got my new position I left her behind and started making decisions without. she said she felt like I was more her keeper then her husband and then he started complementing her...and that she is very sorry for falling for it

[King5]

She said she called him up and told him he needs to stop emailing and calling. That I know and that I am not happy and that she is not willing to ruin our marriage...

 

now since I'm 125 miles away....do I believe her?

[Locke2121]

Trust....can you give it to her? THATS the important question. Can you TRUST her.

[King5]

At this point...I'm not sure

 

I am going to snoop my butt off for the next week. If I see no contact then I will start to trust her, bit by bit. I think it will be a very gradual process while we try and heal some other things.

 

Who knows...

[Solarist]

At this point...I'm not sure

 

I am going to snoop my butt off for the next week. If I see no contact then I will start to trust her, bit by bit. I think it will be a very gradual process while we try and heal some other things.

 

Who knows...

 

Don't let the snooping become a compulsion though. Watch your back, but if your not careful, it can drive you nuts.

[Rabican]

Well that was fun...went to a therapist and she said I need to recognize that this is her acting out and that nothing will probably come from it. That I'm clinically depressed, I need to stop reading her emails or it will get worse, and I need to work on fixing my relationship

 

In this case I would have to say your therapist is worthless and not worth whatever money you paid him/ her.

 

Your wife needs to stop conversing with the man whom she cheated with, or emotionally cheated with.

 

Thats like telling the police to stop finding evidence to a crime, because it only makes the situation look worse. Trust me, YOU WANT TO KNOW whatever it is you need to know. Snoop if you feel the need to, or if you think that there is a new reason to. dont just do it because of what happened in the past. It will just make you nuts chasing something that may not be happening anymore.

[treefrogkate]

King5, I commend you for talking about it with your wife. I'm glad that you got it out into the open and that you can now talk about the "elephant in the room".

 

Have you discussed going to counseling together? I personally wouldn't go back to the one you went to... talking about having an affair is not just "acting out", and is something serious that needs to be addressed. I do agree with two of her points though:

 

I can understand needing to snoop to be sure, but at some point if you're really going to work it out, you need to just close your eyes and make that blind leap that she is going to do right by you. It's scary, knowing what you know already, but the relationship is never going to work if you continue to snoop constantly. She'll begin to resent you snooping on her and will wonder why you are unable to trust her, and then she'll start to feel smothered.

 

You do need to work on the relationship. You need to work on fixing the problems that led up to this, and not just get rid of this other guy. If you don't fix the source of the problem, it's like closing an open heart surgery with a bandaid. It'll hold, but not well and probably not for very long.

[King5]

Well today went well...talked more, and im'd, then we had in a long time. Schedule appoints and really got back to a few key basics. I'll let you all know how it turns out...

[King5]

I got home after she left to spend the weekend with her brother...since I had installed a keylogger on her pc Monday I was able to look back and see that she really did not email him for the last 2 days.

 

I feel a TON better right now...I'll meet up with her Tomorrow and then spend the weekend with her in San Francisco...

[Taraj]

My husband and I have been married for 10 yrs. we got married at 19 and 20. We now have 2 children ages 6 and 3. I thought everything was fine with us. We are very busy and don't get alot of time alone, but still felt happy. This past weekend I went away with a friend of mine and for some unexpected reason fell head over heels for a guy I did'nt even know. I never crossed the line sexually but feel as though I cheated emotionally. We no longer talk or email, but it is so hard not to contact him. We are in counseling and trying to figure out where all of this derived from. Maybe I can shed some light on how your wife may be feeling, although things are still a little confusing for me.