She called again!!!!!..What to do???

[houdini]

Ok, this is the second time she called in the past few days (2nd phone call in the past 60+ days). This time I missed her call and I listened to her voice mail. Her message said she wanted to thank me again for the things I sent my son and the girls and that she wanted to know if I'd be wililng to sign a notary to give her consent to have my son baptized. Now, she knows good and well that my sister was going to baptize my son along with her brother and now she is making plans to do this without me and why now?????

 

This is a girl that is so consumed with herself that work and school seems more important than her kids. I dont know what to think and maybe Im reading into it to much. I did call her back and she was at a doctors appt and we talked for about 3min. I told her I'd call back later and she kept on talking telling me what was wrong with her and why she was at the doctor (making small talk) She said she went to sign up for the class to baptize my son but she couldnt without me there or without my consent. I told her I woud call her after the doctors appt arround 7pm.

 

Ok, now what do I do, how do I act, what do I say????? I need help!!!!!!

 

Do I mention why she didnt talk with me first about this? do I mention my sister? I dont want to get into any heated discussions with her. My first instict is that she is making this her excuse to contact me and maybe to get me to come over to her state to sign the consent form or just to talk, who knows!!!! but how do I go about finding her motive?

 

Thanks!

 

Houdini

[macgyver4ever]

Hey Buddy.

Like always, take a deep breath. Relax a minute, and know it will be ok.

 

So you'll have to call since you said you would I guess you really don't have to, but I know you will. Just be calm, relaxed, and don't bring up your sister. I know it is important to you, but making a big deal about it won't help. She knows your sister was supposed to do it, I'm sure she didn't forget. I don't think she feels comfortable with your sister doing it now that you aren't together.

 

I'm not sure what she wants, and I don't know if she would tell you if you asked her. She might want you to be there for the baptism, or she might just want the notary.

 

Let her carry the conversation, listen to her, and keep things positive. Have fun, laugh, and seem happy. If she starts talking about negative or sad things, change the subject. Don't talk about the relationship unless she brings it up, and only talk about good memories.

 

Stay strong, and try to keep it light.

 

You can do this bud!!!!

[Wandering_Sword]

I personally think you should focus on the subject at hand and if it diverges too much from the topic at hand, tell her politely that you have to get going.

What you want to with her is try to establish some boundaries for yourself and her (this is to protect you). If its not about the children then her problems are not really yours (of course if you want to part of her life like this then disregard this post).

I can tell you're beginning to get excited by the possibilities and that is fine but just don't expect anything from it. Hope is good, expectations are bad. Take care friend.

[keefy1972]

Sorry but I don't think this is just an excuse to make contact with you. I'm pretty sure that's what you want to believe, and it's normal, but I just don't think that is the case. My guess is that she simply wants you to get the notary thing done for the baptism.

 

An excuse to make contact is something along the lines of, "hey just wanted to let you know that I got my nails done in a different color. You'd really like them". Something silly and of little substance. Your son's baptism is a pretty big deal however.

[houdini]

****UPDATE*****

 

Thanks everyone for replying

 

Well we talked a total of 3 times yesterday

 

First phone call

 

was short told her I'd call her back at 7pm

 

Second phone call

 

, I called her back and it was a bit awckward because we havn't talked very much in the past 2 months. I asked her what was going on about the baptism and she says she tried to sign up for a class but the church wouldn't let her go without my consent or approval for her to baptize our son without me there. She said all I needed to do was sign a form and send it back. During the phone call there were bits of silence (probably because she was fussing with my son who was moody) During the conversation she made small talk about her Dr. Appointment, our son, etc. etc. then again bits of silence. I asked her who was going to baptize our son and she said she hasn't picked anyone (godmother and father)*****Now if this was such a big deal because it is wouldnt she have picked somoneone already????? She hasn't picked a date or godmother or father!!!!! It doesn't make sense......I ended the phone call with "I'll send the letter tomorrow" she said thank you and we hung up the phone.

 

third phone call

 

I talked to my sister about the 2nd phone call and she said that "you need to be apart of the baptism too" and it got me to think about things and I know that my ex has always thought I don't love or care about my son and maybe not telling her I would like to be there in our 2nd phone call gave her the notion that I really don't. Sooooooo I called her back and explained that I would love to be there because it's a big event for my son and I love him and miss him but things have been really hard these past few months and if I can't make it please don't take it as that I dont love him. I told her if I don't call "HER" all the time or go to see him as much as possible it's not becaue I don't love him because I do. I explained that it has been hard and not easy.

 

Thennnnnnnn she say drops the "motive" (atleast this is what I think) She says "I don't know why it's been hard for you because apparently my sister says you moved on because she saw you with someone else (my ex's tone of voice was calm and not hurt) My response was "How could she have seen me with another girl, all I do is work and go home" I then continued to ask her where and when her sister says she seen me and my ex just played it cool and said it's been awhile since she told her. My ex says "when my sister told me that she seen you I was like OK!!!!! he's all sad and says he loves me then 2 months later he's moved on"

 

The subject changed as my ex tone of voice was still calm, I told her agian that it's been hard and the reason why I called back a 2nd time was to let her know that I would like to be apart of the baptism and she said she hasnt picked a date but would let me know and besides it wasnt going to be a big deal, just a simple baptism, dinner afterwards then home. I said, ok and to let me know when. Towards the end of the conversation I told her hopefully soon things will be back to normal and I'll be going over there to see him as mush as possible. She says that breakups arent easy it's been hard too, at that time my son started acting up again and she said she was going to take him a bath and get him ready for bed, I said ok, take care of my son and take care of yourself and we said our goodbyes.

 

 

I feel like I let her know to much or atleast let her know that I still love her and care about her in an indirect way. Because the earlier phone call this week and the past two phone calls yesterday she sounded weak and that myabe she was missing me. Then after the "you moved on" comment and my words after made it seem as if she gained her strength back again. I feel that the work I've put in, in the 60+ days of NC has gone down the drain cause I somewhat let my guard down by calling her back a 2nd time and not admitting the truth about her sister seeing me with another girl (I don't know if she seen me or not but there is a very good chance she did because I have good friend that I hang out with from church who's a girl)

 

I know this was long so thank you for taking the time to read it, I just want my strength back and I feel I let myself down because I fell into her trap and started to get a little clingy in our 2nd phone call. I've learned my lesson that I will not settle for anything less than her saying she wants me back and will leave every conversation about my son only and end the phone call and will not express my feelings to her anymore.

 

 

Thanks everyone!!!

 

Houdini