houdini Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Ok everyone, It's been over 2 months since I last talked to my ex and I got a call from my ex a few minutes ago. I couldnt ignore the call cause she called me at work and they transfered her to me. She caught me off guard because I didnt recognize her voice at first and she sounded a bit nervous. She went on to thank me for the gifts and attention I have given to the kids and also asked how I was doing. She went on to say that it hasn't been easy for her, that her job has her working on the weekends and she can't spend much time with the kids. She kept saying how hard it was and that it's not easy, she told me that she's emailed me a few times and she wondered if I had received them. I told her I did but I did not respond because I did not want to bother her and I wanted to respect her wishes to be alone. She said I dont want to keep you from your child, she said my exhusband doesn't come arround to see his daughters and thats his choice but I hope that you will see your child. I told her that you can bet that I will not be like her ex husband and I willl be there for my son and things are getting better, I told her it hasn't been easy for the past few months, it's been very difficult. I told her that I wish I could flip a switch and stop loving but it's not that easy and in time things will be back to normal and I'll be good. She apologized for calling me at work and she said she had lost her phone and lost her phone numbers so she didnt have my cell number anymore. I gave it to her and told her if she needed help with anything to let me know that not to be afraid to call but that I will continue to respect her space and not bother her. Towards the end of the conversation she was choked up and I could tell she was fighting back tears, she told me she was going to go to the gym for lunch and said thank you and take care. What do I do? did I do the right thing? Did I say to much? Of course I want her back but I don't know what to do now. I'm wondering if she's scared to say "lets talk" or if she was hoping that I would suggest it. I'm confused now and I don't want to fall into the trap. Thanks, Houdini Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chai714 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Houdini, Nobody can play a perfect game, so no use worrying if you said the right thing or not. This is general advice: when dealing with an ex, it's better and safer to be vague in your responses. Since they're now exempt from intimate details, don't give her any special privileges. It's okay to take her calls at times and initiate at times but don't ever let her think or begin to think you're waiting for her. If you're ready, date around otherwise work on healing and self-improvement. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperDave71 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 You do nothing.... Let her actions speak louder than words.... One of the biggest mistakes is that when someone gets a phone call...they think its a sign.......it may be....but until she puts forth more effort to contact you.... just be you and don't jump to conclusions. Go with what you DO know....not with what you THINK you know. -SuperDave71 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLBG Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 You do nothing.... Let her actions speak louder than words.... One of the biggest mistakes is that when someone gets a phone call...they think its a sign.......it may be....but until she puts forth more effort to contact you.... just be you and don't jump to conclusions. Go with what you DO know....not with what you THINK you know. -SuperDave71 Thats great advice I hope if my ex every tries to call or contact me that I can be strong, she will really need to want to put in the effort if we are ever to make it through this hard time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houdini Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Thanks SD,chai714, I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing for the past two months of NC and that's living my life. It's a bit of a relief though to know that she somewhat cares even though it may be nothing, the fact she called means something to me and that is I'm not a piece of discarded trash as she has made me feel. So it's safe to say that any next move has to come from her right? Expect nothing from her unless she calls and tells me she wants to work things out, otherwise don't read into it and keep moving on??? My biggest fear out of this phone call is that she did the all to common "test the waters" that she is checking to see if my feelings are the same for her since it's been over 2months of NC. I just hope I did good and back to NC I go!!!! Thanks guys! Houdini Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperDave71 Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Houdini, This could make or break you....I want you to undertsnad the importance of yoru decision making right now. You must take it easy... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE understand that it was a polite phonecall. Let it be JUST that..... the moment you let your mind run away with it for something that it wasn't ( at least you don't know yet) ....STICK with what you DO know. It was a nice phone call. That was it... Do not put yoru brain on overdrive....if you are in a car heading for a ditch....do you let go off the wheel? No....you hold on and steer clear...in other words...YOU MAINTAIN CONTROL. The moment you are out of control....is the day you lose all that you have worked so hard to maintain. Good luck with you....BUT THINK with yoru brain..NOT your heart right now ok? I am telling you this because you have had SUCH a hard time....take it slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. Keep your chin up!!!! I am here if you need me. -SuperDave71 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houdini Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Thanks a million SD.... You've been a lifesaver many times for me and I've got hold of the steering wheel and steering clear!!!!! I will continue with my path to healing and not look back. It was a polite phone call that was it and nothing more. Back to NC I go! Thanks Again!!! Houdini Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wandering_Sword Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I wholly agree with SuperDave. Breathe, relax and take it easy. She called, and that is good (see, we told you she would not forget you, and you fretted for nothing). Now sit back and continue on your merry way with NC. This was only a phone call and said nothing about reconciliation. Carry on with your life and see how the next step plays out. The moment you start calling and frantically clawing at every scrap of information, you'll really pooch yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houdini Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Thanks to you too WS, You've been a great help also. I know that I can't get over confident over this phone call but it was validation that I didnt vanish from her life and that for me is like hitting the Nitros button on my vehicle to healing. I just hope it lasts and that I can get the strength from this and keep moving on. It definitely helped me and I do no expect anything or will I read into the phone call. It was a nice phone conversation and there were emotions and that was it and nothing more. As superdave and WS and the many others here at enotalone, it's all about me and healing my heart and getting back on track with my life. Thanks a million and NC is the only way to go! Houdini Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 since it's been over 2months of NC. I just hope I did good and back to NC I go!!!! Have you seen your son during this period? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houdini Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Melrich, Now don't lay into me to hard ok! I havn't seen my son in the past 2 months but have a trip scheduled to go see him the 5th of may. He lives in another state so it's not that easy to pick up and go see him (money, hotel, take time off work etc) Thats why this situation is so difficult for me and it really put a huge strain on our relationship for me and my son. I do however talk to him weekly to make sure we have communication. I call his grandmother to talk to him during the day. ok, now let me have it!! Houdini Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 Thats why this situation is so difficult for me and it really put a huge strain on our relationship for me and my son. Ok, if there are time and distance issues that is understandable. I would just state, mainly for the purposes of others that may be reading this thread in a similar situation that the importance of being a part of your children's lives far outweighs any benefit you may get from no contact. There are circumstances when you just have to "suck it up" and do what is right for your children over and above any inconvenience or hardship it may cause to you. I get things are tight for you but try and find the time and money to go and see your son. He will be feeling your absense keenly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houdini Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 Thanks Melrich, I plan on going to see him...it's easily a 400 to 500 trip to go see my son but he's worth it...(gas,hotel,food,entertainment and of course toys) this is why this breakup has been so hard for me because of that fact. My ex knew the hardship it would bring for me and him and she chose to put herself first rather than work out our diffrences. Houdini Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haley999 Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 You have not spoken to your son's mother in two months? How old is the child? I am all for no contact but it is impossible with kids involved. You have not called and asked her about your child? Is he old enough to call, e-mail, etc. I think that she called because she is worried about you ignoring your son because it's too hard for you to deal with his mother. I am a single parent too, and when my daughter's dad did this after we split, she was DEVASTATED. She could not understand why. I know that you are in NC mode, but if you child is aware enough, this will hurt him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houdini Posted April 25, 2007 Author Share Posted April 25, 2007 Haley999, No, I have not spoken to my ex, any information I need and get I get from his grandmother who has him 80% of the time cause his mother works mon-fri till late and has school at night and from what I hear now from my ex, she aslo works weekends too cause of her new position at work (so she says) so, why talk to my ex when she probably knows less than what I know about my son cause I do call every week to check on him, to talk to him and to make sure he's fine and that he knows I'm here. There is only so much you can do when you live 450 miles away so I do my best and there is no need to talk to my ex especially when she feels that we should be friends and have casual talk, I can get that from the grandmother. My ex has done so much damage and her phone call yesterday was a tough one because I don't knwo what to think of it, she did mention like you said that she didnt want me to lose contact with my son like her ex has done with her girls but what can I do???? I live in another state for god's sake and this was HER choice to end the relationship because she thinks it's much easier to be without me, but yet says it's been real hard, to hard and then gets off the phone in tears. WHY!!!!!!!!! Houdini Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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