How do I convince him I wont leave him

[glittergal]

My bf told me last night that sometimes he feels insecure and he loves me so much that he is afraid sometimes that I will meet someone else. I have told him a thousand times that wont happen however he was hurt badly in a previous relationship and thats why he thinks this will happen to him again.(She cheated on him) he said he knows I would never do that but he still thinks I might meet someone and leave him. How can I convince him otherwise I have told him everything I can think of to convince him. This is the same man who asked me to marry him after just 2 weeks together but I wont be bullied into that just to prove how much how I love him and wont leave him. Do you think maybe he still has feelings for his ex. He has denied this point blank said he wouldnt go there again if she was the last woman on the planet as she hurt him so bad and he said anyway he didnt love her the way he loves me which is causing him to feel this way. .What do I do

[Daligal83]

I don't think this has to do with his ex, or for you for that matter. It has to do with him and his insecurities. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do to change that. It's something he has to be willing to work on for himself.

 

It worries me though how extreme his insecurities are. Proposing after 2 weeks? That does not seem like a good sign to me. He's letting his issues take over his logical thinking. I don't mean to be negative, but I see this as a sign that things could get worse as the relationship goes on. I can you having a male friend and him getting jealous and upset over it because he is so insecure. I'm not telling you to end this relationship, but I would suggest that you make sure he works on this problem so that it doesn't get worse in the future.

 

Also, just one other point, you shouldn't have to convince a new boyfriend that you won't leave him. You haven't done anything to make him think that and it's not fair that you're starting out with no trust instead of full trust.

[RebeccaChow]

Hey dear, my boyfriend also thinks that I'll leave him someday.. God knows why he thinks that way. But I can tell you, what you can do is prove to him that you won't by actions. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Words do help of course, reassure him of your love everytime.

 

He needs some time to regain himself and be able to trust someone once more. I don't think he still loves his ex-gf since he's so afraid of losing you.

 

Take care babe. Hugs.

[LaurenC123]

Let him know you are not going to do it and with that he has to trust it. Tell him that bothering you about it will do no help. That you truly do love him and obviously he knows that. Reverse somthing on him. Tell him you need him to be confident in the relationship and that, that would help. Tell him that it would make the relationship in total if he spent more time talking about how great you two are together and other more important topics, that he will soon have his mind on those other topics and that he will learn it will cause him more happiness. There really is not too much you can do sadly unless you spend all day every day paying all your attention to him..THAT is probably not going to happen. He needs to have more faith in teh relationship. Help him to understand that it will take you to letting a guy cut into your time for that to happen and tell him you would never allow that and that you love him too much to let somthing like that get in the way. If he still has insecurties..and will not stop..let him know it stresses you out and does no good for the relationship...if he doesnt stop after that..then he must be too wraped up in himself and insecurities instead of the relationship. Help him to understan you have to love yourself before you can let other people love you. Hopfully all goes well for you!

[glittergal]

Thanks guys I appreciate your advice

When you say actions how do I do that. I am really loving towards him.

 

I kiss him in public I am always hugging him and I have told him I will move in with him we are just waiting for a house that wont be ready for another month.

 

I have to say we are not together that long though I was recently engaged to another man whom I loved dearly but was not in love with and maybe he is going from this. I dont know. However my bf is a long time friend also we dated 7 yrs ago for a month or so but nothing serious just fun.

[TheFoglifter]

The problem with this type of insecurity is that its based on a past experience that tends to repeat itself. You can bet your bottom dollar that at some point his ex ALSO made him think she wouldn't leave or cheat.

 

Now I'm not calling into question whether you will or will not, I'm merely emphasizing the fact that from his point of view, every time you say you won't leave him, he may think "I'veheard THAT before and look what happened"

 

I can understand that this is immensely frustrating to you, and my advice is that you both work to make sure its not a self-fulfilling prophecy. I can imagine that after hearing it enough, it might MAKE you leave, in which case he will say "SEE! SHE promised not to leave and she DID ANYWAY!". However he won't understand that it was his insecurity that caused it.

 

If he is constantly craving reassurance, you could give it to him gently. You could also try taking a firm hand if it doesn't improve over time. You could say that you aren't going to leave him, but if you have to listen to the same pity-party again, you're going to go home and not talk to him until he's stopped.

 

Best of luck.

[stranger1]

As you are not married to him, breaking up miht come one a day! I wish not but this is the reality.

 

Does his insecurities mean that HE wont think to leave you one a day?

 

To be honest, and generally saying, all the BF-GF relations are insecure. Just surf in this website and you can get enough which proves that! or just ask others!

 

He should understand that you both are doing your best to be with each other, and you both cant do more than that.

 

Also, let him look how you are sincere with him and from that to deduce that he is secure.