Advice Required - Love Triangle...

[Solarist]

First - I appluad the fact that you two have become honest about the situation to others and that you have ended the relationship with your now ex-g/f. I strongly believe that was the most responsible thing you could have done in the situation you were in. While it does not make what you did wonderful, it at least ended the harm you were doing to your ex and while I am sure she will be hurting, she can now at least move on and find real happiness. What you did was the best thing you could.

 

Now before I continue I do put this disclaimer: I am currently dealing with an emotional affiar my wife is activing having, so I am somewhat jaded.

 

Now regarding this other/new woman (not quite sure how to refer to her now.): She is in control of her actions. She is choosing to try to see if she can work on her five year relationship, which would imply that there is "something" still there for her relationship with her b/f. The fact she asked to you to break all contact shows that she is honestly trying to see if there is a possibility to restore her current relationship and I personally think you should honor her request for non-contact. Yes, you potentially could get hurt and she could decide that there is something left and you could loose her - I personally have strong doubts that their relationship will be restored.

 

With that in mind - in many ways, I would think I would respect this woman more for what she is doing. If her relationship doesn't work out with her boyfriend and you end up with her, I think the fact she is giving it a last go with her b/f would help cease wonderment if she would repeat this cycle with you and end up having an affair on you.

 

I think in the end she controls her actions and she has asked you to give them time. I think you should respect her choice. I think how long you wait for her is entirely up to you. I think in the end, if she truly loves you and you two belong together, that is where you will end up but for the time being, respecting her wishes is another way to show you do love and care for her.

[lunatic]

WOW what an emotional train wreck you have caused. Not only did you manage to hurt your ex girlfriend with your actions you also hurt yourself in the process. Well you have learned some valuable lessons here from your experiences. I have to commend you first off for coming clean to your ex and ending things with her. **bravo** Being honest and upfront is the only way to go.

 

Ok Ed I don't even know where to start here. This situation is totally out of control and you MUST back off now. Stop worrying about the woman you love as it seems to me that it is a one way thing. Welcome to the wonderful world of being used. I doubt she told her boyfriend about you at all since they are still together. If she did tell him I bet she forgot to tell the whole truth. I am sorry she hurt you but, in this situation I could not see it going anyother way. Even though the ladies here have given you some great advice you chose to ignore it. Who knows what she told or how much she divulged to her boyfriend. That is not even a point anymore since she made her mind up.

 

Here is my advice to you if I were in your situation. I would leave both women alone and let time do what it does. The old saying comes to mind "if you let her go and she does not come back then it was never meant to be."

 

Let both of these women go and start working on yourself now. It is time to be single again and take some time off the dating circuit because right now your damaged goods emotionally. You need to start learning to do things for yourself and to take care of you. It is going to be hard and it will be taxing. You MUST do this if you ever want to be in a place of emotional harmony and of sound mind. What you did to your ex was wrong but, there is no way to change that now. So deal with your heartbreak and guilt for a while. It is good to feel the pain and misery of having a broken heart as it teaches us a lot about ourselves. We can learn that we are tougher than we ever thought.

 

My advice is to move on with NO CONTACT from this point on and work on you!

 

Good luck,

Hubman

[Solarist]

I doubt she told her boyfriend about you at all since they are still together.

 

Not necessarily - I know my wife is having an emotional affair on me - I have heard her talks with him. I know that they continue to talk, however I hold out for this great (and perhaps ignorant) hope that what brought us together will eventually triumpt. Never underestimate people being blindsided with "love" - I know I am every day recently.

[treefrogkate]

I agree with hubman. Give this woman her space. There is nothing you can do to affect the outcome of her relationship with her boyfriend.

 

Be single. Be comfortable being in your own skin and doing things on your own. If she really, truly loves you, she will come to you; if she loves her boyfriend and isn't being truthful with you about her feelings, then she will stay with her boyfriend.

 

There is nothing you can do about it besides wait for her, if you're willing to do that.

[Curlywurly]

Wow this is messy... and all you can do is take time to reflect on what you want for you in your life, and see what comes.

 

I hope your ex is o.k.