blueberrypie Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 If you could choose, would you rather date a person who's been in a lot of short-term relationship(varies from few dates to few months) or a person who's been in one(or a few) long-term relationship? It used to bother me when I found out that my bf had a long-term relationship before me(because I worried that he might still have feeling for her), but now that I found out that a guy I'm seeing never had a long-term relationship, I began to worry if he has a commitment problem. =( So I thought what other people think about this issue. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
run_little_rabbit Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Either way, there's going to be history. You're just going to have to deal with that. I would prefer to be with someone who's had a long-term relationship prior to being with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iceman26 Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 I think you could have a good relationship with either, it just depends on the person. For example: A guy could have many short term relationships because he keeps meeting the wrong women. Conversely, a man in a long term relationship may have only been in the long term relationship as long as he was because he got comfortable and was afraid to leave it, or was cheating on his girlfriend and wouldn't dump her because he viewed her as a security blanket. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickidee23 Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 I am my husband's first long term relationship and I worry at times that he'll wonder someday what it's like to be in love with someone else. Also, when we first started dating, I had to "train" him to call me everyday, to make time for me instead of always being with his friends, etc. I had already been in a serious relationship and also had done enough dating to know what it was that I wanted in a guy. I don't think it matters too much as long as you both are willing to work through any problems that may arise in your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supa-Fly Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Hi From a guy's perspective, i would say, both is a equal risk or equal oppertunity, with this i mean, if you mean so much to this guy that was in a long-term relationship he would see breaking up with his ex g.f as a blessing since it gave him the oppertunity to meet you, and it might even open his eyes to see that infact you are much more than what he had no matter how long he's been dating the previous girl, then the short-term guy, he might have been looking for a loving relationship, and it could even be possible that he wasn't ready for taking on a big relationship because he had doubt in himself, but eventually it comes down to the point, that if you should be together you would be together, no matter if this guy has never been with a girl, or he's been with a 100, no matter how long his previous relationships lasted, from me to you all guys that i know, even if they dont admit it, wants to be with a girl for as long as possible... So i wouldn't look to the past, if i was you, because at present only the future counts... Hope it cleares out a couple of things about your question... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 I'd think your question depends on your intentions of dating, whether you're looking for an LTR or just want company at dinner. I think past is prologue for most people, so if they have less experience with longer relationships, they might tend to avoid them. Those who seek commitment might not tolerate casual dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 If you could choose, would you rather date a person who's been in a lot of short-term relationship(varies from few dates to few months) or a person who's been in one(or a few) long-term relationship? It used to bother me when I found out that my bf had a long-term relationship before me(because I worried that he might still have feeling for her), but now that I found out that a guy I'm seeing never had a long-term relationship, I began to worry if he has a commitment problem. =( So I thought what other people think about this issue. =) no that person would come off as "used merchandise" in my eyes....i want soemthing tender and fresh, why would i go get a package of molded bread wen i can get a fresh roll....makes since huh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissIndigo Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 If you are concerned about a commitment problem, look at how he has approached other things in his life that have required commitment. Also consider how he has adapted to major change and approached difficulty, professional or personal. I'm getting the feeling from your other recent post and this one that the issue is bothering you. As I noted in your other post your guy sounds scarily similar to my former bf. Not only were his prior relationships short, but he did not commit himself to fulfilling professional matters and would seem to want to back out of conversations when the subject matter became difficult. When we went LDR, this was particularly easy for him to try to do over the IM programs. As I got to know him better, as well as his friends, they were also somewhat flighty, noncommittal people, and well...you can be known by the company you keep. I am not trying to be a voice of dissention here by any means, as I know what I am saying isn't as lighthearted as some of the other responses. I feel a person's past is a good indicator of their behavior in the future, and I will think much more carefully about ever getting involved with someone who has had a series of short relationships again. Granted, people can also change, but by the time a guy reaches late 20's on into early 30's, it's likely he won't. I just got out of the relationship with my person so this issue is very fresh in my mind. Feel free to PM me if you like; I've been right where you are now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shep88ner Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 if i had to choose i'd say the SO with a few short term relationships. This is exactly how my current girlfriend's past was...bunch of different people but none of them really lasted very long. It shows that those relationships didnt matter that much to her and i'd rather have a girl who has never experienced a long term relationship than to one who's acting like it's old business and just goes through the motions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shikashika Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 to be honest, i think these choices are rather silly. I don't choose a partner because of things like this.. I choose them because I like them! A good friend of mine is 28, never had a boyfriend in her life.. has had plenty of short term flings, for a variety of reasons. She is one of the loveliest people I know and any guy would be lucky to have someone as fun and caring as her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayar Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Not sure how old you are, but I find that around my age (mid-20's) guys I date generally had a series of short-term relationships, and then one or two "long" relationships ranging from a year to 2 or 3 years. This is probably the most healthy and natural thing that happens. I wouldn't personally want to be with someone who had only been with ONE girl (or not even) before me. Just as I wouldn't want to be with someone that the entire female population of my city knew what he's like in bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 i lean towards long-term more. when i meet a new chick and she said she has never had a bf over 6 months to a year, i would be put off. i've been with a lot of women and have learned a lot. i know how women operate and how they act. i'm also a momma's boy, but still tough. women usually only ask me if i have been in a long-term before. i tell them yes. and they usually ask how long the longest was. they rarely ask how many. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NaNOx9 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Long-term. If the other person has been in a lot of relationships, to me this means he/she is afraid of commitment, has no patience, moves on easily, etc. Bad news if you really like the person! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 I like that my boyfriend had two serious relationships and a few short term relationships. I especially like what the two long termers did for his wardrobe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 I haven't had a relationship lasting over a year since high school. It's been for a variety of reasons. Most of them, just haven't met a guy who is "right" for me yet. But that doesn't mean that I have slept with all the guys I have dated (very very far from that!!!!!!!) I'm also pretty picky about guys so it's not like I hop from relationship to relationship, or stay with someone for years just because I don't have any better options. I know lots of people who stay together for years because they are afraid of being alone. I'm not one of them. I would rather be single than with the wrong guy. I also don't believe in trying to "push a round peg into a square hole." Maybe some other women would have pushed harder to keep the relationship together, but I am not one of them, if the relationship isn't working, i just take a step back. I am sure if I pushed harder, that may have kept the relationship going longer for a while, but not forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NKP Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 it really doesnt matter thats there past not the present so to me it dont matter at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 i think you have to be 20+ to answer this type of question or provide good input. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omayra Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 i agree with run little rabbit. i think that if a person was in long or short terms relationship they will still have a past with their love life. idk but thats what i think also. I think that i would go for anyone who has had a shirt or long term. you can get them to like you or whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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