I need some advice(we do a lot of talking online, a bit by phone...met once)

[Richie Rocks]

Damn, we've been talking about family problems some...I hope I'm not too much of a friend already...

 

No politics, a lot of joking and teasing...it's our personalities.

 

hey, I can't dance at all...should I still ask her if she can? maybe i'll ask her how strong she is? we both like lifting weights...

 

Yeah, talking to others definitely takes off the pressure.

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me

[Richie Rocks]

Hey, she wants me to start going to church with her on Sundays. What should I say?

 

I don't mind it...she's a religious person...me, I really don't know. I've struggled a lot with religion and am still trying to figure things out. I wouldn't mind going, but to me church isn't a necessity.

 

I don't want it to be a buddy buddy thing...

[Richie Rocks]

Well, we went to the movies together. No holding hands...a lot of eye contact...I couldn't help staring into her eyes...took my eye off the road lol.

 

She did say it was something she'd like to do again at the end of that night...I have a lot of signs from her showing she might want something more than just friends...but a lot of signs showing that she thinks i'm just a friend..it's so confusing.

 

I wonder...if she feels the same way I do...you know, confused and all. Or...if she doesn't even think about me?

 

Where can I take here so that she knows it's a date?

 

last time, we planned to go with a lot of her friends to the movies...but they couldn't make it at the last minute and just her and I went. Should I just ask if she wants to see a movie in town, just the two of us?(use words like alone to show I want a date?)

 

we both really want to go to a concert, too, neither have been to one.

 

 

Some background info on her...this is what she's told me...but from the talks...it's all truth. She's only had 1 bf in her life...she's never made out and probably only kissed once or two.

 

with that said....would going in for a kiss really work? i definitely can start with more body contact...

 

Thank you greatly, and for the good luck, thanks sincerely.

 

You rock.

[Richie Rocks]

Hey Diggity, I read a few of your threads, great by the way, and have a question on how to ask her out.

 

You think I can just say "Hey, I'd like to get to know you a lil better, want to go to X on X? Just the two of us?"? not sure on activity yet...but i'll try to think of one, suggestions are great! and...yeah, i am worried about rejection and can be shy about showing i want to date...never did much of that.

[Raincheck]

Hey, she wants me to start going to church with her on Sundays. What should I say?

 

I don't mind it...she's a religious person...me, I really don't know. I've struggled a lot with religion and am still trying to figure things out. I wouldn't mind going, but to me church isn't a necessity.

 

I don't want it to be a buddy buddy thing...

 

If you don't want to go, don't go. Its really that simple, do things because YOU want to do them....not to please her. That doesn't mean go ahead and be a jerk and not think about what she wants, but if you don't feel like going to church with her all the time, just say so.

[Raincheck]

Hey Diggity, I read a few of your threads, great by the way, and have a question on how to ask her out.

 

You think I can just say "Hey, I'd like to get to know you a lil better, want to go to X on X? Just the two of us?"? not sure on activity yet...but i'll try to think of one, suggestions are great! and...yeah, i am worried about rejection and can be shy about showing i want to date...never did much of that.

 

No.

 

First, find an activity that will allow both of you to talk. What I LOVE doing, is walking around with a girl in a populated city and talking as we walk. I will take her to a cafe or a starbucks, then to a book store and I'll get a fun book we can both read together. It's a great way to learn about one another and have fun instead of the traditional boring movie and dinner.

 

When you find that activity, say something like "hey...I am going blah blah blah and I am so excited about it....hey...why dont you come along, it'll be fun" See? You've phrased it as its YOUR LIFE, you were already doing it whether she comes or not....now your telling her, hey...you can come along, but it doesnt matter, I was still doing it anyway. This isn't always the case, you can also just say "hey why dont we meet up and do this and this" just make sure you have the activity ready to go because she will ask you "what are we going to do?"

 

Just dont say anything like "I wnat to get to know you better" or "I want to take you out". She already knows your interested, why would you be talking to her and asking her to hang out? She doesn't need you to wear your heart on your sleeve.

[Richie Rocks]

We both are interested in a "park" thing about 5 mins from town...no one else goes out there and it's a nice place to walk at.

 

just in general, how can I ask her to go walking with me? i mean, wouldn't it sound weird saying "i was going to walk in town...join me"? i mean, if i'm walking alone, how can I word it?

[Richie Rocks]

hey...she had her prom and messaged me on myspace asking how i was(i hadn't messaged her in a few days)...i said i've been really busy and for her to tell me about her weekend.

 

she text'd me saying her prom was great. there's a guy that bothers her on myspace named michael...he posts random comments saying how beautiful she is and we joke around about michael. asking if she's getting married to him, about sex with him etc...but it's all in fun.

 

anyway, i asked her if michael went with her. she replied "no i didn't ask anyone to prom" does this mean anything at all? does it mean anything more than her saying "i didn't ask michael to prom"? or am i thinking about it too much?

[ghost69]

hey...she had her prom and messaged me on myspace asking how i was(i hadn't messaged her in a few days)...i said i've been really busy and for her to tell me about her weekend.

 

she text'd me saying her prom was great. there's a guy that bothers her on myspace named michael...he posts random comments saying how beautiful she is and we joke around about michael. asking if she's getting married to him, about sex with him etc...but it's all in fun.

 

anyway, i asked her if michael went with her. she replied "no i didn't ask anyone to prom" does this mean anything at all? does it mean anything more than her saying "i didn't ask michael to prom"? or am i thinking about it too much?

 

yeah, she could be dodging that question. she didn't say 'no, i didn't go with anyone.' sounds like someone asked her and they went. very shady

[Dating Coach]

Damn, we've been talking about family problems some...I hope I'm not too much of a friend already...

 

Playing a girls therapist is a very quick way to friendzone yourself.

 

I am in no way suggesting that when you're in a relationship with a girl that you shouldn't show support or listen to her problems, but when you meet a girl you want to send out the right signals. Most of the time if a girl you've recently met gets in on her personal problems with you it's a "friend" activity. Why? Not too many smart girls would want to spill all of the damaged goods or negative aspects of her life onto the shoulders of some hunk she want's to date. The last thing she'd want him to see her as is someone with a lot of drama. If she's shouldering her problems on you this early then it's not a great sign that she's attracted to you romantically. She clearly isn't worried about scaring you away by unloading drama so thereforeeee in all likliness she's not romantically interested.

 

Don't play therapist early on with girls. Change the subject.

[Dating Coach]

Well, we went to the movies together. No holding hands...a lot of eye contact...I couldn't help staring into her eyes...took my eye off the road lol.

 

No holding hands, no kissing, no kino, no definition of what you two are... friend activity. That's no date.

 

She did say it was something she'd like to do again at the end of that night...I have a lot of signs from her showing she might want something more than just friends...but a lot of signs showing that she thinks i'm just a friend..it's so confusing.

 

Saying she'd want to go out again is no sign that she wants to date you. At least not one to bank on. She just as easily could have been wanting to hang out as friends at the movies again. You could even pick her up and be her taxi. Nothing here my friend. A real sign would be her kissing you, holding hands, making out, having sex, etc. If she's doing those things then there's a pretty good chance that she's interested in more than friends right?

 

I wonder...if she feels the same way I do...you know, confused and all. Or...if she doesn't even think about me?

 

Where can I take here so that she knows it's a date?

 

You're confused because YOU have never made a move. You're confused because you're sitting there shuffling your feet hoping that some how some way she'll send you a real sign giving you permission so you don't have to risk it on your own.

 

You want to cease being confused? You want to make it clear that it's a date? Then ask her out. That's it. Don't confess how much you like her, ask her out on a DATE, make sure it's clear that it's a real date. Have a place and time in mind and ask her out. Don't ask what she wants to do, if you're asking her out then YOU make the plans.

 

last time, we planned to go with a lot of her friends to the movies...but they couldn't make it at the last minute and just her and I went. Should I just ask if she wants to see a movie in town, just the two of us?(use words like alone to show I want a date?)

 

we both really want to go to a concert, too, neither have been to one.

 

Those are more like friend activities. Take her to a nice restaraunt and tell her to dress nice. Just you and her.

 

Good dates are places where you two can talk. A movie is not a great place because you two sit there in silence and let the movie enterain. It does nothing to bring you two closer together.

[Richie Rocks]

yeah, she could be dodging that question. she didn't say 'no, i didn't go with anyone.' sounds like someone asked her and they went. very shady

 

nah, she didn't go with anyone.

[Richie Rocks]

DiggityDogg, that's amazing. Give me some time to read it all over and I'll reply.

 

Thanks for the help in my life man.

[Richie Rocks]

Ok. Noted.

[Richie Rocks]

I'll give it a shot and let you know in a few days how it goes.

 

Thanks again.

[Dating Coach]

Good luck!

[Richie Rocks]

I asked her, in a joking manner, about a guy....she replied.

 

(this is all in a non joking manner...she went from joking to serious about this)

 

"im not saying i dont talk to guys cuz i do, but i keep my options open and talk to ppl"

 

that mean anything? should i be worried? concerned?

[Dating Coach]

I asked her, in a joking manner, about a guy....she replied.

 

(this is all in a non joking manner...she went from joking to serious about this)

 

"im not saying i dont talk to guys cuz i do, but i keep my options open and talk to ppl"

 

that mean anything? should i be worried? concerned?

 

Yeah, it means you haven't asked her out yet. Why are you having these conversations? Get on the ball already.

[ghost69]

her options are open for uhm......YOU. give it a shot now.

[Richie Rocks]

yeah...i don't know if it's going to work out...she's busy way too much and I can barely get a chance to talk with her. I like her a lot, and when we did have time to talk, it was great. but she's so busy now I don't know.

 

what do you do when the girl's so busy you barely(more than a few minutes) get a chance to talk? i'd like to just ask her if she has feelings for me...but i don't want to start a conversation like that, and she has to go after 5-10 mins.

[Dating Coach]

Ask her if she has feelings for you? You mean as in, "Hey kate, do you like me?" C'mon now Richie, this isn't Elementary School. You don't throw all of your cards on the table at once when playing poker. Don't show everyone what a novice you are. If you like her, and you want to know if she likes you, then ask her out on a date. By doing this you will find out what her interest level is. If she says yes, shows up, looks great, enjoys your comany, and schedules another date afterwards, you answer all of your questions without having put those questions flat out there on the table. You're still playing poker.

 

Use tact, show good social skills. Throwing everything out there like that would really make a situation weird. I can't imagine asking a girl flat out if she has feelings for me. That's just not cool.

[ghost69]

yeah...i don't know if it's going to work out...she's busy way too much and I can barely get a chance to talk with her. I like her a lot, and when we did have time to talk, it was great. but she's so busy now I don't know.

 

what do you do when the girl's so busy you barely(more than a few minutes) get a chance to talk? i'd like to just ask her if she has feelings for me...but i don't want to start a conversation like that, and she has to go after 5-10 mins.

 

then why are you even considering this? so many questions you can't answer until you try. don't ask her if she has feelings for you. just ask her out. you don't even have to use the word date.

[Richie Rocks]

Alright, asking how she feels about me is a huge no.

 

It's hard to talk to her with her schedule, you know?

 

I'll try to ask her to go out to a restaurant or something....isn't that kind of weird for a 18 year old and a 20 year old?

 

Fast food? Or a nice dinner place? There's only 1 in town like that.

[Richie Rocks]

Hmm...I was told to take her to Subway and go in for the kiss.

 

Is this a thing I should do? Kiss on second time going out with her? She doesn't seem like the kind of girl that would like to be kissed right then...but maybe that's where I'm wrong...I don't know.

[ghost69]

Alright, asking how she feels about me is a huge no.

 

It's hard to talk to her with her schedule, you know?

 

I'll try to ask her to go out to a restaurant or something....isn't that kind of weird for a 18 year old and a 20 year old?

 

Fast food? Or a nice dinner place? There's only 1 in town like that.

 

go to a sports bar or something like that. it's not fancy, but it's not fast food.

 

Hmm...I was told to take her to Subway and go in for the kiss.

 

Is this a thing I should do? Kiss on second time going out with her? She doesn't seem like the kind of girl that would like to be kissed right then...but maybe that's where I'm wrong...I don't know.

 

don't go for a kiss unless you think she is feeling it. give her a hug after you see her. then when you are close, kiss the side of her cheek or something. see how she reacts.