houdini Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Hello everyone... I was thinking and I know that I need to shift my focus on other things about my ex but I just can't help but wonder why she is acting the way she is, no respect, no consideraton, nothing!!!!! It's like I never existed and didn't mean a darn thing to her at all. The reason why I say this is because we have a child together, easter came and went and nothing, no "happy easter" no call from the kids, nothing!!!!! I cant understand how someone can dissappear and move on when no kids are involved but in my situation there are kids involved and why would she think it's ok to just forget about what we had???? It doesnt make sense to me anymore, I figured she would feel a little bad and make some type friendly gesture or something, a simple "happy easter" or a call from the kids. I know I could have taken the intiative to call but it was the weekend and right now my emotions are to fragile to handle talking to my ex and I've been in NC for over 50days. I guess my questions is, why has she forgotten about me after what we've been through and the fact that we have a son together... She made a choice to take away any chance of me and him having a good father son relationship and I feel it's her responsibility to make sure we keep that because of her choice to end this relationship.. call me selfish or unfair but I didn't ask to be taken away from my son and be a part time father if even that, we live 450 miles away from eachother!!!! I know I'm a bit upset and I guess it hurts to know the person I loved basically dissappeared from my life and has forgot about me and the fact that I'm our sons dad. I just wonder what her thinking is, if she's scared to make contact or what?????? Any thoughts??? Houdini Link to comment
ruby19 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I don't know if people do a complete personality change when they break up up - it seems quite common or if our perceptions are just so skewed we aren't seeing clearly. You have a child together though, and she shouldn't be acting this way. Link to comment
Donster Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 everyone is different, and everyone deals with things differently. And she may just need the space at this time. But let her know, that despite your differences, that you want the kids to be a part of your life even if she is not going to be a part of it. Link to comment
ryan250 Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I know how you feel. My girlfriend of 3 years decided 2 weeks ago to never talk to me again. She was fine the night before, and BAM, next thing I know she doesn't want to see me or talk to me. I loved her so much, she was my everything. I still don't know why or HOW she can just forget about me. It's like we never dated. I don't get it. And I never will. So don't try to figure it out, I have spent to many hours wondering why. Women can be ruthless, and I know, so can men. But women are better at it .. Link to comment
houdini Posted April 10, 2007 Author Share Posted April 10, 2007 ruby19, Thats exactly my point...I've been in NC for 50 days now and it's been tough, really really hard..she has emailed me twice in the past 50days and it was short, just thanking me for sending the kids money and a gift... I call to check on the kids as much as I can when she's at work but I don't always get through. I know my son asks for me, I know this because before we broke up she'd always call cause he was missing me and wanted to talk.. now I she NEVER calls me, emails, text or anything to say how he's doing.. she totally avoids me as if it was my fault or as if she's in NC with me as if I broke up with her... I dont' know what her thinking is but I don't get it or understand why! She's already done this with her ex husband, and the kids they have together (2daughters) when me and my ex were together she could care less if he called and didn't bother with calling him to keep the relationship going with the girls and him. I know I should expect the same treatment but she knows that I love my son and she knows I didnt want this breakup and she knows that we live so far apart it will be impossible to have ANY normal relationship with him.... She's very stubborn,immature and very prideful so I don't expect her to budge one bit on making any effort to be nice or civil. She hurt me bad by leaving me and hurt me even worse by taking away the chance for my son to have a father.... Peopel can tell me that I can still be a good father but what good is a father that lives 450miles away and will only be able to afford to see him MAYBE once a month..... How can she get away with hurting 3 innocent little lives and myself...for her own selfish happiness!!!!! Houdini Link to comment
houdini Posted April 10, 2007 Author Share Posted April 10, 2007 Donster and Ryan250, I understand that people are different and they do things out of character but what is the logic in their decisions??? Especially when there are kids involved??? Doesn't that seem selfish? I know what she's thinking though...I've known her for over 5yrs so I can bet that she's sitting there putting the burden on me to keep a relationship with my son if I really want one. She's perfectly fine with having no fathers in her kids lives...she's the type of independent woman that feels she's capable enough to provide the mother and father figure and to think it would be better to bring in a new guy to take the roll of a father for her kids rather than the true fathers.... Houdini.. Link to comment
Blazer Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I've wondered about the same thing myself Houdini. And even though I never have come up with a definitive answer I have a few theories ... 1. They know that even little gestures can be blown out of proportion and out of kindness they avoid them. 2. They feel some guilt about hurting someone and it forces them to see themselves in a way they aren't ready for. 3. They really DON'T care 4. Pride 5. They need physical and emotional distance to evaluate the situation Link to comment
houdini Posted April 10, 2007 Author Share Posted April 10, 2007 Blazer.. You make some good points my friend.. Gives me a better understanding as to why she may be doing what she's doing. I tend to put myself in her shoes and think about how I would handle the situation and I can't see myself just totally cutting her off if I had her son here with me..it would hurt me to know that it was my decision and I'd feel guilty and feel the need to make sure him and her had a good relationship. Maybe it's a biased opinion on my part because that's what I would do and I'm the dumpee... I just had hope that she'd be a little more considerate or put a little effort into keep my son and me together even though me and her aren't together anymore...As a woman I figured she send a picture of my son, card, have him call or something!!!! But nothing, she doesnt give a darn about anything but herself so with that blazer..I'll take 1,2,3,4 and 5 ofyour points... I hope one day though she see' the harm she's done not only to my son but to her two daughters as well.... It's hard to wish for true happiness for someone that only cares about herself and has hurt so many people. houdini Link to comment
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