Our love is gone, now we have to settle!!

[houdini]

Any thoughts on this thread would be greatly appreciated. I'm having some trouble accepting the loss that I've recently had to suffer and that's the loss of my family,my future,my love,my kids and my life...

 

 

When we go through a breakup with what we feel is "the one", the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, the person that you give your heart and soul to, the person that you know matter how hard you tried could never ever be replaced. That feeling of the loss of this kind of love is more intense than any other love you've ever had. Having your partner that you trusted your heart and soul with, was a risk but you took that risk not realizing the consequences. Now for those of us that are experiencing this loss how do we manage to move on? how do we manage to be positive about the future when our future just walked out the door and took our lives with them.

 

My ex left me, left me because she fell out of love, because she wanted love and affection but not from me, she felt the need to find someone else to replace me after telling me for years that I was irreplaceable. Considering how I felt about her, how much I loved her and how much I sacrficed my life, how can a person just walk out on a future we had together? She's gone and although I do hold on to hope, a part of me is beginning to understand and accept that she may never come back. Accepting this hard truth is as good as swallowing nails and I don't want to do it. I love this woman with all that I am and never imagined what life would be like without her none the less imagine having to find another woman to love.

 

How does a person accept life as it is now? how does a person accept that they are now forced to find a love that they never wanted to find because they already had it. Let's say your mother left for good, never to come back ever again..Would you accept a replacment mother?(step mother) You may accept them, try and love them but the truth is they are not your true mother, the mother you have a special kind of love for. This is how I interpret my breakup, the love of my life is gone, how can a replacement for her satisfy me in any way? how can a new love that I never wanted bring me happiness again? My true love is gone! and now I'm left to settle for love that I never wanted.

 

I know the odds are against me to get my love back but I guess if there is a higher power upstairs...he'll know that my love is genuine, that she may be living in a fog right now and hopefully she'll come out of it soon because I don't want to settle, I want my love back!

 

 

houdini

[Dako]

You can't replace her, but you can accept your losses, understand her needs and let go. You'll feel pain and time will crawl, but in time you'll heal and someday risk love again.

 

I know that sounds like BS right now, but it's true.

[mikeca]

I see alot of the same questions I asked myself during the first few months of breaking up and even sometimes lately.

 

you need to control your thoughts, know that theres nothing you can do to get her back, but you can do things to push her away.

 

Focus on yourself and what you can control, read or workout find something to improve yourself and learn from this painful lesson and turn yourself into a stronger being.

 

We've all been there, and were here for you.

[scarew]

Houdini,

 

You mention that you have to accept this. You ask for help on how one can accept the loss of their love. But I don't think you really want to accept it. The logical part of your mind is telling you that you should accept it, the emotional part is saying no way, I won't settle. I won't accept that she is never coming back.

 

Can you come to some sort of compromise? Get out of the black/white thinking? Can you come to an acceptance of knowing that if it is meant to be, she will come back to you? This is the only cure here, you know this right? You WILL continue to feel pain until you decide to radically accept a part of this. And after you accept it you will still have some bugs to work through in your heart. So start now.

 

I am sorry you are hurting so bad. We are here for u.

[keefy1972]

In my opinion, your post speaks alot of finding love again with someone else. The truth is that right now you need to find yourself. You need to fall in love with yourself more than anything else at this point.

 

Your gloom and doom outlook on the future is not doing you any favors. I'm sure your ex was a great person but at the same time she isn't the only person out there that you can love like that. You have to take in to consideration that we live on a planet with billions of people and you've pegged this one as the ONLY one. In time you will find that's not true.

 

Most people on this site have been where you are now, thinking that "my only chance at true love has walked out the door", and we've all come to the realization that this thinking is crap. Sure you had a special bond and shared many things, but the truth is that you will find that again, but not until you accept that there is someone better for you out there.

[houdini]

Hello, and thanks for the great replies,

 

I understand how life is and how we will love again someday. I guess my biggest problem with all this is the thought or the fact that I will love again but someone that I had not intentions to love. I guess my point is, when I love again will my feelings and the love I have for my current ex, will it take away love from my new love? I can't imagine being in a relationship, loving this new girl but in my heart I only truly love one person and that is my ex. I'm a mess right now and all these thoughts and confusion just makes it worse and hard to accept it all.

 

At this stage of my breakup I'm about 50% accepting and 50% not wanting to accept it and holding onto hope. I fear of letting go of that hope because if I do then that means it's over for good, atleast in my heart it will be and that's a scary thought for me. It's accepting defeat and I don't handle defeat very well. I guess the only thing I can do is keep moving forward and as hard as it is I have to do it....but how! how do I stop myself from thinking and feeling the way I do? it' put me in this rut that I can't seem to get out of...

 

PS. I did a very bad thing yesterday and I need some advice,thoughts or a good kick in the rear!!! I was on my myspace page (I know I know, myspace is a bad thing for the brokenhearted) I was on my myspace page and I did a search for my ex's page using her work email address (I know I know, self torture!!!!) Nothing came up thank god but I had to calm my curiosity. The bad thing that happened though is when you do a search for an email address and myspace can't find it, it will ask you if you want to invite and I didn't read it clearly and I had a typo in the email address anyway. So I fixed the typo and hit "enter" on my keyboard and it sent her a "myspace invite" on accident. I thought it was doing another search but it wasn't. So now, she's going to get a myspace invite from me and she despises myspace and never wanted me to have one.

 

Ok, now I know you all may be thinking that I did this on purpose but I promise to god that I did not. My fear is now that she'll think I'm playing games, get upet or get turned off by this and hate me!!!

 

What do you all think

 

Houdini

[1forthegipper]

What's going on Houdini, Happy Easter my brother.

 

Well after reading your post I can see why you're feeling like a pinball in a pinball machine, bouncing off the walls with all these different thoughts. The one thing you need to do is STOP!!! stop thinking about the situation and start DOING!!!! Start letting go, let go of the hope because letting go of the hope isn't loving her anymore. It's letting go of hope and setting your heart free from the pain. You see houdini, she made a decision to leave whether it's a bad one or not and only time will tell. In the mean time houdini you need to focus on yourself and live your life as if she's never coming back and quit wasting time hoping. Think of it this way, you would like to have a new car right? well sitting at home, thinking about the new car, looking at pictures of the new car will NOT get you the new car. You have to go out and do something about it, work towards that. I'm not saying to go chase after your ex but make yourself a better person so that you can increase the chances of her coming back, if not atleast you'll be much better and stronger for the next woman.

 

I know what you mean about loving someone that you had no intentions on loving because you thought you had found it already. My advice to you is "let go of that crazy thought!!!" When you're in love you'll look back at your ex now and say "thank you "X" for letting me go to find my TRUE love" your new love will be a blessing from god, god took you out of this situation to give you someone you deserve, someone that will give YOU the love you need, want and deserve. Your ex was not the right one for you anymore, maybe at one time she was but not anymore. She's in a different place now houdini and you have to accept that. There may come a day when she realizes what she's done but don't wait arround for that to happen, you may be waiting for a long time and for nothing...just wasted days and wasted nights!!!

 

As for the myspace incidient.... Don't kill yourself over that. It was a mistake and that's that. Let it go. If she gets the invite which I don't know if she will, sometimes work emails filter out the trash such as myspace. So, if you don't hear from her about the invite that's a good thing, If you do hear from her then respond with an apology and that it wasnt your intention to invite her that it was amistake. Either way it shouldnt matter, she's not yours anymore and you're not hers anymore. She may think that you want her to be mad or upset or whatever but it was an accident. IF anything she'll be curious to see if you really do have a myspace page and if you havn't talked to her in that long hten she may want to start checking up on you. My advice, either delete the myspace page and/or STOP checking up on hers because if she doesnt have one now she may get one soon to make YOU think and you may not like what you see or find out. If I were you I'd drop myspace for good, block the website and never go looking for her....you'll only toruture yourself!!!!

 

Tha Gipp

[Friknlove]

houdini, I hear ya man. what you said is exactly how i am feeling right now. I know(even though I hope we get back together) that it is over between me and my ex, and that the timing RIGHT NOW is not good. maybe she simply has to go out and do her thing for awhile. you gotta respect that bro. let it GO! she has to deal with the same thing. it's not like she never thinks about ya. but now it's time to think about yourself. what are YOU going to do with your life. go do your thing. be single for awhile. until you are able to go have a night out on the town without thinking of her. there are a million things to say, which i'm sure you've heard. get some good friends, have fun, and if it works out with her, you will get back with her. DO NOT talk to her for a while. find yourself. fix any issues you might have, not for her, for YOU. you will feel better. when you are able to look in the mirror, and you see that person that is stronger emotionally and mentally, you will look back and laugh. because now you are ready to kick the worlds * * * * *, taking names on the way. good luck bro. it's a rollercoaster, but it WILL make you stronger.