Goldfish6888 Posted April 11, 2007 Share Posted April 11, 2007 Ah...romance makes the heart beat faster. Makes colours more vibrant. Makes up skip and want to jump up. Makes us a child again I like your thought on your defeatist system being defeated by love... I'm having images of a love heart and lots of mathematical symbols fighting..with each other...lol.... Au bientot! je vous espère amour vrai de trouvaille!!! Call her....if you have not already... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted April 12, 2007 Author Share Posted April 12, 2007 I dont know. Our last meeting/date was on my birthday and she took two photograph shots of us together of which I do not have a copy of those pics and now I'm not sure why she took those photos if she was just going to dissappear afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Because some people like to take pictures, because perhaps at that moment she felt a connection. Like I say in an analogous context, you can read into signs all you want but the only relevant information early on is - do you have another date planned for a specific day. I will give you an example so you'll see why the questioning you're doing likely is unproductive. I was once accused of leading a man on on a second date because when he grabbed my hand while we were walking I didn't drop his hand. I didn't because it would have been more uncomfortable than just letting him hold my hand and because he had to come back to my apartment building to get his car - I did not want a scene. Then he said I lead him on by inviting him up to my place when we got back there. The only reason I did was because he had bought me a cake when he came to pick me up (which I hadn't asked for) and on the way back to my apartment suggested we try it. I was brought up to offer someone the dessert they brought and he was a gentleman so I invited him up and we sat on opposite sides of my couch the entire time he was there. After the first piece he wanted another. What was I supposed to say? He then asked me out for another date and I said "I need to think about that and let you know, ok?" Then he called three hours later and I said "I do not think we're a match so it's not a good idea for us to see each other again. He thanked me profusely for being honest and not leading him on. The next morning I get 5 emails, each one angrier than the next accusing me of leading him on. He added the fact that I spoke to him every night before date two (he called me every night and I took the calls - he was interesting to speak to on the phone). The 6th email begs my forgiveness and asks if we can still be friends. Nope. So, Luke, as you can see, it's not so simple, these "signs" and reading these "signs." I'm sure some would jump all over me "what? you let him hold your hand then invited him up to your place even though you didn't want to see him again?" Others would see that that was the most comfortable alternative, others would have yet another view. Even the guy in question had several different views over less than a 24 hour period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted April 12, 2007 Author Share Posted April 12, 2007 The message I attempted to convey in the last post is someone has pictures while I dont have a copy of them. I was thinking of sending an email asking for a copy of them on one hand, on the other hand, I'm thinking of just dismissing the whole thing and moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blemished Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 It sounds like a few things are going on here. First of all, you DO sound sweet. That is regardless of if this girl is interested or not. Second, you also sound unsure of how to read another person and interact with them in a manner in which sustains the relation you want. Regardless of how this girl feels, my opinion is that you should learn how to manage your emotions, with what you want from a given situation, and then figure out how to get it. I think journaling everything is actually hurting you in this case-- it is pushing you further into an isolated world of your own making. You need to get out of that world and come spend some time interacting with other worlds (which may be why you are here To answer what she meant by "sweet", well I cannot give you a generic answer, because she could have her own definition. However, give you a generic answer I will: most girls I know, when they say a guy is "sweet", they usually use it a staller. It means they think you are nice so they don't want you to feel bad that they don't like you. Lastly, (sorry), I think you should just straight up ask this girl how she feels about you. It will allow you to move on, and it MUCH better than silence and "NC". Just say, "Hi, it's me, Luke. I am just wondering if we are still dating each other, or if you've lost interest." Very simple. And if she has, don't take it personally, it could have nothing to do with you, or she is not the right person for you, in which case you should be happy you found out now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blemished Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 I just wanted to add-- I did not read through all the post, but I found Batya's last one interesting. I think that is a case of the other person having a bruised ego. I don't think he truly believed she led him on-- it was just more comfortable for him to believe that idea than the idea she did not like him! Sad but true, it happens all the time. And in the process, he ruined a potential friendship and did not grow from the experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SW Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Move on, this happens everyday and to me often. It hurts for a couple of weeks but then you'll meet someone else and forget about her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted April 12, 2007 Author Share Posted April 12, 2007 Lastly, (sorry), I think you should just straight up ask this girl how she feels about you. It will allow you to move on, and it MUCH better than silence and "NC". Just say, "Hi, it's me, Luke. I am just wondering if we are still dating each other, or if you've lost interest." Very simple. And if she has, don't take it personally, it could have nothing to do with you, or she is not the right person for you, in which case you should be happy you found out now. I've left a message for her on Saturday, April 7th, at 5:00 pm. It was a simple message asking how her trip went and if she's back in town. If she cant return a message like that, then I think she's not interested - so I dont think it's silence and NC. I leave one phone call message and that's it. She's changed and obviously lost interest after her trip & music clip. She always returned my phone call and I never had to call more than once for her to call me back, and she even took initiative in some cases. For argument's sake, I've already gotten what I had wanted out of this interaction and cant really complain - but of course it fell short somewhere. In terms of what you said earlier about journaling - part of journalling requires 'reality-testing' which is why I would test 'isolated ideas' on here to see if they add up or not. I dont think it's isolated, I think it's common sense - if someone doesn't return a call, then that doesn't indicate a healthy level of interest conductive of sustaining a relationship or friendship for that matter - and having already seen her four times, I ain't in the mood of playing games, so I'm moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 The message I attempted to convey in the last post is someone has pictures while I dont have a copy of them. I was thinking of sending an email asking for a copy of them on one hand, on the other hand, I'm thinking of just dismissing the whole thing and moving on. I would be troubled if I received another email from a man I had not yet responded to asking for pictures. I would feel weird about sending him the pictures, because if we weren't going to date anymore I'm not sure I would want him to have a copy of them. I would send them because that's the courteous thing to do but it would make me a little uncomfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
l9grl Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 you have nothing to lose if you call one more time...but...do you feel motivated enough to call? are you attracted enough to her to call again? some women are somewhat old-fashioned, and prefer to be pursued a bit more at first...she may be thinking that YOU are not that into her don't give up so easily if you're into her when you called her last week, did you ask to get together? are you sure you showed enough interest in your call? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 you have nothing to lose if you call one more time...but...do you feel motivated enough to call? are you attracted enough to her to call again? Well that's a funny question. Too many bad experiences I suppose, not a matter of attraction any more. May I remind everyone about my experiences with another girl as follows that I was into and pursuing although she was not reciprocating properly. All of this asking for advice on the same girl - yeah, I was into her, I was attracted to her. I got so angry that I went on adultfriendfinder and intimate section of lavalife in a quest to lose my virginity with anyone because I was so frustrated because she liked someone else and would not even kiss me. And countless other posts to people on here who were sincerely hurt by players where I even sided with the players because I was frustrated with her and saw her in them. It's madness. I'm now emotionally detached from all this. I'm terrified at the prospect of being too into someone that I can risk an episode like the above happening again, with anyone, for my own sanity, do you understand? some women are somewhat old-fashioned, and prefer to be pursued a bit more at first...she may be thinking that YOU are not that into her I dont understand that. Read the above threads. I pursued that other girl, and look what happened - it was better if I never meet her at the end of the day. don't give up so easily if you're into her when you called her last week, did you ask to get together? are you sure you showed enough interest in your call? I didn't ask to get together and the call was casual - like asking how her trip went and if she got back yet. It would have been simple for her to just return the call and respond on how her trip went. At least I didn't sound negative in the call. I was expecting her to call when I returned, but I followed the advice here, and called on Saturday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 She called back an hour after the last post was written. She told me she was waiting for me to call or assumed that I was going to call a second time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 She called back an hour after the last post was written. She told me she was waiting for me to call or assumed that I was going to call a second time. LOL. she was "trying to play hard to get." so, what did you guys talk about? did you ask her out again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
l9grl Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 she's reciprocating if she is in tune with, and accepting of, your highly analytical nature...don't let her slip away!!! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 LOL. she was "trying to play hard to get." so, what did you guys talk about? did you ask her out again? Yeah, it seems like she was trying to play hard to get or something. We talked about a few things, she asked me questions like what I intend to do 5 years from now, and I asked her the same thing, I sort of felt on the spot. Any dates would be after her exams, the last being April 22nd, although she suggests that I should call on this coming Saturday, rather than wait past April 22nd to call her again to arrange another date. Again, I"m not used to talking on the phone or relaxing with anyone, and she complained that I was very business-like or treated her like a client as I was very formal and stiff because I'm not used to relaxing with anyone. But I told her she'll have to relax me Ok, it was cool, I'll have to update my journal. Duration of time on the phone was about 1-2 hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Good deal! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
l9grl Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 she is encouraging you (she's into you) she is also telling you how she perceives you (honest communicator) she told you when to call (she is helping you out, making it easier for you) But I told her she'll have to relax me good one! so far, so good...you'll have to come up with some new symbols for this one I think! good for you for not giving up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dating Coach Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Duration of time on the phone was about 1-2 hours. Yeesh... 5-10 minutes TOPS man. You don't need 1-2 hours to talk over the phone. If you both have that much free time then meet up in person! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 Yeesh... 5-10 minutes TOPS man. You don't need 1-2 hours to talk over the phone. If you both have that much free time then meet up in person! I know. I'm naturally inclined to only want to stay 5 - 10 minutes because I dont like talking on the phone period, it seems rather lazy. She's delaying any meeting until after her last exam on April 22. It's not easy to meet up with her since she lives virtually an hour away, if I meet her downtown, I have to drive to a mall and take the subway down, or if I meet her by her neck of the woods, I have to travel 45 minutes each direction (total 90 minutes). In other words, I'd need like 1-2 hours to get organized, pysched up and transit, and the date time would be in addition to that time. I dont know. Anyway, I have a fever and am sick anyway, so I wouldn't want to spread viruses around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 I know. I'm naturally inclined to only want to stay 5 - 10 minutes because I dont like talking on the phone period, it seems rather lazy. She's delaying any meeting until after her last exam on April 22. It's not easy to meet up with her since she lives virtually an hour away, if I meet her downtown, I have to drive to a mall and take the subway down, or if I meet her by her neck of the woods, I have to travel 45 minutes each direction (total 90 minutes). In other words, I'd need like 1-2 hours to get organized, pysched up and transit, and the date time would be in addition to that time. I dont know. Anyway, I have a fever and am sick anyway, so I wouldn't want to spread viruses around. if the traveling is such a big issue, what are you trying to get out of this? she obviously isn't worth it is what you are saying. i agree to keeping a phone call minimal. i hate the phone. i'm an 'in-person' kind of guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 ok, so she can't meet until next sunday? Then just ask call her up soon (in the next few days) and make concrete plans for the 22nd or 23rd. if you live far away, it probably takes that long to get things together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted April 14, 2007 Author Share Posted April 14, 2007 if the traveling is such a big issue, what are you trying to get out of this? she obviously isn't worth it is what you are saying. In some ways she's a jewel. She's 22 y/o, never been with a guy before, and is an active Christian, and seems to be treating me with respect and there is reciprocation. She treated me out on my birthday and I think so far she's a real. Finding someone like her isn't easy. Most women that I have meet, if not all, have come out lacking big time. Either there is no chemistry, she's playing games, or they are damaged goods. One of the worst girls lived five to ten minutes away from me where I feel scammed that she went with another guy while virtually blowing me off and then coming to me as a second choice or something afterwards. To top it off, she had the audecity to tell me that it's difficult to find sincere people. When you have nasty experiences like the one above (not sure what your experiences are with the ladies), then I'll travel the extra distance for a decent person as long as there is reciprocation. There is enough chemistry for this to work - after all, if there weren't, this thread would not exist. And, I sure wouldn't want to be limerant like that 'other' girl, because you see that led to disaster. i agree to keeping a phone call minimal. i hate the phone. i'm an 'in-person' kind of guy. I'm an 'in-person' kind of guy too, I know what you are saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Skywalker Posted April 14, 2007 Author Share Posted April 14, 2007 ok, so she can't meet until next sunday? Then just ask call her up soon (in the next few days) and make concrete plans for the 22nd or 23rd. if you live far away, it probably takes that long to get things together. Problem is, my schedule is also off-balance because Real-Estate is unpredictable. I might have appointments, showing homes, or negotiating deals on those dates, my schedule is absolutely unpredictable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 15, 2007 Share Posted April 15, 2007 ah, well, still try to make a date at least a few days in advance. While I want to date a man who is busy, I also don't want to feel like I come last in his life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost69 Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 what i'm saying is if you have such a problem driving, she isn't worth it. i understand that you like her a lot and hit it off and you can't find another like her. but if driving is what bugs you, make time to meet her half way or something. make an effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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