Need your opinion!!!!

[houdini]

Ok, please don't strangle me for analyzing things....it's been 44days since I've last spoke with my ex and yes I'm stuck in a rut right now. Maybe it's the small analyzing bump in the road. I need to get past it but I've had a question that I constantly think about, here it goes:

 

When me and my ex split up we had been on a long distance relationship, we have a son together and our plans were for her to move here this summer. Well needless to say that didnt work out, she got tired for whatever reason and left me to be alone (so she says) anyhow, when I first moved there to nevada (where she is now) I had taken my motorcycle and she stored it at her mothers house where she now lives. When I moved back to Ca. before our breakup I had left the motorcycle there and told her I'd bring it back when I helped her move here to CA. It's been since mid january since we've broken up, it's been 44days since we've last spoken and not once has she mentioned to come pick it up or even made an attempt to contact my family to tell me to go pick it up. I'm to scared emotionally to contact her and maybe it's my tie to her still, I don't know. What's your opinion on her not telling me to go pick it up. Before the breakup she would always tell me to go pick up the bike because her dad said he didnt feel safe having such an expensive motorcycle there.

 

Any thoughts?...

 

PS. Sorry for over analyzing things!!! Don't kill me superdave!!!! LOL

 

Houdini

[1forthegipper]

Hey Houdini,

 

It could be several things and maybe you are over analyzing things a bit. But from my own experience it could be that the both of you are holding this tie with eacother. I feel if she has really let go and moved on she'd DEFINITELY have you come pick up the bike.I know that if it were me and I wouldnt want something that expensive sitting at my house that belonged to my ex. I'd find a way to get it out of their and not give her any reasons to come by. Maybe your ex is scared, maybe she doesn't want to face you anytime soon because of her feelings. Who knows, only she knows and we can only assume. But her actions says some but not much, you just have to wait it out, don't analyze this to death and when you feel strong enough make contact with her or her mother to go pick up the motorcycle.

 

Hang in there my brother!

 

Tha Gipp

[houdini]

Hello scout,

 

I wasn't implying that she had no reason to breakup, she had plenty of reasons and I don't blame her... If you call not going to her daughters bday party cause I was sick, if you call not sending her flowers or leaving love notes for her everyday because she expected them as mistakes, then I guess I did screw up and she had plenty of reason to leave me. When we split up she threw the book of "Reasons Why I broke up with you" straight at my heart. I blamed myself over and over again for the little mistakes to the big mistakes but the truth is scout, she was just as much to blame in this as I was. She just made the final move to let go, grow up and moved on.

 

I know I need to let go, we've been through a lot together and she deserves to be happy but I do believe we caused many of our own problems that we could have worked out. The past with her is a big deal, she can't let it go and thats what hurt us. She was and probably still is very insecure and she knows her actions pushed me away when I tried to get close to her and her daughters. The reason why I bring up the motorcycle is maybe because I still have hope and maybe I need to let that go. I still love her and I always thought she'd love me despite our problems. I know if we both had worked together things would have been great, we had the makings for a good family if we both had tried.

 

PS. I hope she didn't sell the motorcycle!!!!! I'm still paying on it!!!!!

 

 

Houdini

[Scout]

Yeah, I actually went back to your threads again and saw your break up was a couple years ago, so I deleted my post. I was thinking your mindset could be preventing a reconcilation, but since this happened some time ago...figured my questions were irrelevant.

[houdini]

Scout,

 

This isn't an ex from two years ago. I left nevada to move to ca. two years ago to be with my daughters from a previous marriage. We didn't break up I moved so I could establish a life here in CA (job,home etc) my ex-gf was suppose to come within a few months of moving to ca but that turned into 2yrs of holding on to eachother through a LDR. In janurary of 2007she finally said she couldnt do it anymore and was to tired to keep trying. She made excuse after excuse on why she couldnt move yet (job security,family etc) and basically led me on for the past 2yrs.

 

Houdini

[Dako]

I think you're in limbo trying to sort out this situation. Doing nothing won't help you, so I'd simply go get that bike in order to give you a sense of movement. If it involves confronting her and dealing with this, you'll resolve it one way or the other.

[houdini]

You're right Dako, I'm in limbo because I keep thinking about the reasons why I havn't picked up the motorcycle and why she hasn't requested for me to pick it up. I guess I just look for any and all signs she cares and it's pathetic of me to do so, I know. I just miss her so much and I miss the kids.

[Scout]

You're right Dako, I'm in limbo because I keep thinking about the reasons why I havn't picked up the motorcycle and why she hasn't requested for me to pick it up. I guess I just look for any and all signs she cares and it's pathetic of me to do so, I know. I just miss her so much and I miss the kids.

 

Well, don't you need to see your son from time to time, anyway? What's preventing you from at least going up there to do that? Then maybe you two can talk or you can get your bike or both.

[flower99]

Well, don't you need to see your son from time to time, anyway? What's preventing you from at least going up there to do that? Then maybe you two can talk or you can get your bike or both.

 

I agree!

Good plan. Go see your son & make arrangments to get your bikes.

Maybe shes wondering when you will visit your child? and if you want the bikes back?

Give her a call & ask to make visitations to see your son...than one of the times you can get your bikes back.

sometimes when you realize the mistakes you both made, it helps to build a friendship or at least open communication which is needed when you have a child together

Wish you happiness

[Wandering_Sword]

Sorry you're going through all this pain but if you want to get some help or advice its better to post in your own thread. You'll probaby get better reception for your problem versus hijacking houdini's thread. Create a new thread and post, and I'll be happy to get on it

[houdini]

Flower and scout,

 

My son is important to me and I do call every week to check on him and to make sure he's doing good. He's going to be 4 here in 13days, and I was looking forward to spending easter and his birthday with him but that all has changed. The way I make contact with my son is through his grandmother because that's where my ex is living, with her parents. I don't call my ex, no emails, no text messages...nothing!

 

Is this wrong? I just dont' feel strong enough right now to make any contact with my ex because I feel that I would just come crashing back down to day 1 and I'd be a mess all over again. As far as going to visit, I'm just as scared and I know that I need to. We live 450 miles from eachother and it's not easy to get back and forth on a regular basis and she's already said she cant meet me half ways because of her job, she's to busy right now.

 

I'm just a weakling right and i know I need to do whats best for me and my son

 

houdini

[Wandering_Sword]

There is nothing wrong. If you feel that you are not able to contact the ex while maintaining your decorum, then don't force it. This all about you and how comfortable you are in dealing with this. On the contrary, you are NOT weak, you understand your limits and address them accordingly and at the same time you place your son's welfare above your own, even though you are suffering. You are strength and a man, be proud that your son has you in his life as a teacher and a role-model.

[flower99]

Don't call yourself a weakling, You aren't. You're just managing your feelings...it's hard at times especially when it's an entire family that broke up.

 

That's wonderful you're still keeping in contact with your son. Could you arrange with the grandma to pick up the bikes, they are at her house right? Since the mother works so much & you aren't ready to see her, what if you made a trip up while she was working?? just a thought (:

 

When my ex/father of my son & I broke up I didn't have the opinion of going through the grandparents.(wish i did) I had to deal with him regularly & wow that really slowed down the process of healing. It was the hardest time in my life. It took a long time for me to move on....he's still trying....

So taking time to yourself to heal is a wise choice. Just try to see him soon if you can, my son is 4 years old as well and 44 days is forever to him. I'm sorry easter didn't work out. ((Hugs))

Take more time if you need it cause you've got to take care of yourself so you can be the best dad you can be (: Start taking baby steps.

Make it for his birthday. That's VERY important.

[Scout]

My son is important to me and I do call every week to check on him and to make sure he's doing good. He's going to be 4 here in 13days, and I was looking forward to spending easter and his birthday with him but that all has changed.

 

Maybe I missed it somewhere else in your thread...but why has this changed? When is the last time you saw him?

[houdini]

Thanks for the encouraging words WS. I appreciate it very much!!!!

 

Scout,

My situation was and is a very very complicated situation. Basically we held onto eachother for 2yrs and we saw eachother every other month and the distance wore on her feelings and she lost or fell out of love according to her. Our future plans together are no more, we do have a son and I would go there or she'd come here so we can spend time together with our son and her daughters and my daughters. She came down for xmas and things seemed ok, she broke up with me in mid january out of the blue and I havn't seen her since or made effort to go see my son because of all that has happened and because of how things ended.

 

They didnt end bad but there are a ton of unanswered questions and frankly I'm a coward I guess, I'm scared to see her, to talk to her and to be arround her. Before the breakup we had planned on me going there to see her for valentines day (that didnt work out cause she broke up with me) We had planned a bday party and to spend easther together for my son (that's not going to happen because she broke up with me) So I have to talk to him on the phone as much as possible until I can get the strength to go over there and spend time with him. I know it's not his fault and I should put my situation with my ex aside for his sake but you have no idea how distraught I am over all this.

 

This has been a huge blow to my life, to my future to me and my son's future. His mom made a choice to leave and left me and him to fend for ourselves to keep a relationship. Now I have 2 daughters from a previous marriage and now a son from a relationship with a woman who basically fed me lies that she was going to move when she knew she wasn't, she was looking for a way out and finally got the strength to do it....

 

So....(sorry to ramble on) The last time I've seen him was in january.

 

I'm a mess!! I Know!!!

[Scout]

Well, I hope you gain the inner strength to put your issues with your ex aside and go see your son. I am sure that is an issue causing you great stress and feelings of guilt, as well...but it's an issue you could solve simply by just going to him. He won't have another 4th birthday. The years pass by fast. Do you want to two years from now be stressing even more because you still haven't gone to see him?