kate111 Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Yes, I do houdini.... I feel if a dumper does love you...and learns that "Hey, we both made mistakes and we can learn from them and move on together", that they will contact you. I am a firm believer that if I was rejected that ANYONE will not get ANYTHING from me. To reject anyoneo is harsh...but to expect ANYTHING from the rejected ( phone call, text, email, etc etc) is simply ridiculous. If someone told me they didn't want me anymore (rejection), I would give them EXACTLY what they wanted. They don't wanna see me any longer, I wouldn't be seen nor heard from because of my sake....NOT theirs. Make sense? -SuperDave71 very very true. This is my attitude. Link to comment
houdini Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 Yes, I do houdini.... I feel if a dumper does love you...and learns that "Hey, we both made mistakes and we can learn from them and move on together", that they will contact you. I am a firm believer that if I was rejected that ANYONE will not get ANYTHING from me. To reject anyoneo is harsh...but to expect ANYTHING from the rejected ( phone call, text, email, etc etc) is simply ridiculous. If someone told me they didn't want me anymore (rejection), I would give them EXACTLY what they wanted. They don't wanna see me any longer, I wouldn't be seen nor heard from because of my sake....NOT theirs. Make sense? -SuperDave71 Even if the dumpee had made some mistakes (neglect, lack of attention to the relationship, simple arguments) There is a reason why a dumper dumps the dumpee so I'm just wondering if the dumper does have a right to think that the dumpee should make contact because of the dumpees mistakes, which caused the breakup. (I Know that many times the dumper will blame the dumpee to relieve guilt, I know that we both made mistakes) Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Houdini, You are only making excuses for the obvious. It's only because your heart and head are in two diffrent places. I feel for you ...I really do. Take alll of those questions about your ex and focus that energy and thought on yourself. How can "I" get better? What can "I" learn from all of this? How can "I" learn to love myself? Turn that doubt into self-improvement. You can do it!!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
kate111 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 Houdini, You are only making excuses for the obvious. It's only because your heart and head are in two diffrent places. I feel for you ...I really do. Take alll of those questions about your ex and focus that energy and thought on yourself. How can "I" get better? What can "I" learn from all of this? How can "I" learn to love myself? Turn that doubt into self-improvement. You can do it!!!! -SuperDave71 I agree. SD you will be glad to know that I am starting to be able to concentrate on myself much more than before. I still miss him and love him. But I can see the problems we had in our relationship much more objectively. I am starting to realise that I will be able to survive on my own. I agree that you have to wait for your heart to catch up. The heart is slower to disengage than the head. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 They probably miss us too. BUT do you see them posting here? I dont see mine. Link to comment
kate111 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 They probably miss us too. BUT do you see them posting here? I dont see mine. Exactamundo. Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 If they have a pulse I'm sure they think about you and miss you a bit. But whatever it is that gave them strength to leave over shadows those feelings. I call it the fog, Sooner or later the fog will burn off the everythng will be clear as to what their life is like now (good or bad) Tha Gipp Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I agree kate111!!!!....... Stupid ex's!!!!! Who needs enemies when you got an ex, Who needs a life threatening diseas when you've got an ex, who needs an std when you got an ex, who needs a migraine headache when you have an ex, who needs a broken leg when you got an ex, who needs high gas prices when you got an ex....ok ok ok, I guess we get the point right????...LOL... Tha Gipp Link to comment
Tezza Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 If my ex felt something, then why did he get engaged in like a month after we broke up. I mean its been 2 months since our break up and I still think of him sometimes even when I am dating someone else. Doesn't he have a heart, how can he forget an 8 year relationship like that and replace me already?? Link to comment
kate111 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I agree kate111!!!!....... Stupid ex's!!!!! Who needs enemies when you got an ex, Who needs a life threatening diseas when you've got an ex, who needs an std when you got an ex, who needs a migraine headache when you have an ex, who needs a broken leg when you got an ex, who needs high gas prices when you got an ex....ok ok ok, I guess we get the point right????...LOL... Tha Gipp We are on the same wavelength! It's funny, when you are in an intimate relationship with someone you feel as though you couldn't be closer. But then they dump you and become an instant stranger. I'm starting to think that it might be better just keeping people as friends. At least then you won't lose them. Link to comment
bear12 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 If my ex felt something, then why did he get engaged in like a month after we broke up. I mean its been 2 months since our break up and I still think of him sometimes even when I am dating someone else. Doesn't he have a heart, how can he forget an 8 year relationship like that and replace me already?? wel, uhm, 50% of marriages end in divorce, i'm pretty sure i can guess what side of the statistic this one is going to end up on... Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 True, It's a sad statistic, To many people who what I call "serial lovers" jump from one relationship/marriage to another because the spark is gone and they think it's because the fell out of love OR they're looking for that never ending high (the honeymoon phase) I too was in a long term relaitonship 6yrs and my ex professed undieing love just a week before she ended, she gave me the whole run down on how she can't ever live without me etc. etc. only to tell me a week later she's "Not in love with me anymore" So I to wonder what goes on in their brain of theirs, I know they've go thier wires crossed and eventually they realize what a mistake...The rub: They realize when it's to late and we've moved on!!!!!!...there's the rub!!!! It's a sad case for those of us who have invested years of our lives, years that we won't ever get back, years that we've spent planing a future with our partner until the very end. Why do they end it on a whim???? No one knows but them but more than likely it's somethng they've thought about. Why do they think about this? well problems arise in any relationship and the dumper feels the need for that new excitement, the attention, the attraction and the butterflies.... Once they have this from someone they jump at the chance not thinking about the years they've invested with you. Their minds and heart are clouded by the "fog". All they see is what's right in front of them and that's the new person or their new life being single. Sooner or later that fog wears off and then what???? They see the damage that has been left behing by their actions, sometimes there is so much damage that the dumper just accepts their mistakes and grieves all over again and moves on too. When will they ever learn????? Probably never!!!! Unfortunately they will always be looking for that high. I guess it's why they say "live and learn" but sometimes they never do. Today, I feel a bit of anger but I know it will pass, I'm a bit confused and hurt that these people we shared our lives with can be so inconsiderate at times and have no feelings. All in all, what goes arround comes arround and you treat others the way you want to be treated..... Sorry soul she is and one day she'll see what a mistake she's made!!!!!! By then I'll be 100% gone!!!!!! Tha Gipp Link to comment
mia1207 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 How soon after the breakup did u go NC? Link to comment
mia1207 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 Do you still want your ex back? Why would you want back someone who cheats on you? How are ua ble to separate the person you love from the bad thing that she did? How will you be able to trust her agai if she comes back to you? Link to comment
mia1207 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 Well since there are disagreements on this thread...lol...I will add my own disagreement...I disagree that YOU can make someone fall out of love... Falling out of love is a choice that the person makes on their own. If you love someone, you work to maintain that love...as they say it's easy to fall in love harder to keep it.... Tha Gipp Well put Gipp! Real love is supposed to be forgiving. Link to comment
mia1207 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 OK! Gipp, you know I love you dearly But that Karma "what goes around comes around" thing is getting to me! First, I would not want to wish ill on anyone, my ex included. Plus, the pain he put me through was so bad that I would not want him to go through that, but if he is as callous, unaware, and insensitive as I think he is then he probably will never care about anyone's feelings but his own. I know it is a good healing tool to tell ourselves that our exes will have what's coming for them soon, but realistically most of them move on and have wonderful lives, sometimes better than ours. I am not saying that just because someone breaks your heart he/she deserves a lifetime of unhappiness, it's just that we should not delude ourselves into thinking I was so good to him that he'll never find another like me, he'll miss me so much, or he'll reaslize his humongous mistake he made by letting me go and regret it for the rest of his life! If anything, previous experiences have shown me that our being "good" and acting right often plays against us, while people who just live life and don't care about who they hurt end up happy-go-lucky, prosperous individuals. Morale of the story: Don't care too much and protect yourself first and foremost. To care means to make yourself vulnerable to being hurt. Unfortunately neither caring nor uncaring people can turn a switch on and off to change their feelings. Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 ok my dear Mia.... You know that I love ya lots too.... but... and there HAS to be a but here....lol... BUT!!!, My point is, there shouldnt be ANY bad "karma" wished on anyone but maybe I interpret "karma" as "Good Karma" it's more of a lesson to be taught and when I say "what goes arround comes arround" I interpret that saying as "If you don't learn the lesson at hand "NOW" eventually you will later on down the road". I don't wish any bad on my ex but I do hope she's taught a lesson, a lesson that I dont' believe she's learned yet, she's quit on a prevous marriage and now quit on me and has brought 3 innocent lives into this world. The lesson she needs to learn "Relationships take work!!!" So however she learns this, it MUST be a lesson learned on her part...good or bad. I believe EVERYONE deserves to be happy and whether our ex's go onto live happy lives or better lives than us will be determined IF they've learned from their mistakes. IF they havn't then what do you think the odds are they will continue on this destructive pattern????? My ex for one has done it twice in a row and has effected MANY lives in the process of "living a happy-go-lucky,prosperous life" that she cant' seem to find. In regards to being "good" and acting "right" to play against us, I think living well, living happy and living life lovingly is a win win situation for ourselves IF we've learned from the lesson being taught (whether you're the dumper or dumpee). If we chose or try to live life happy with the same destructive patterns..how does one think they'll LIVE a happy-go-lucky,prosperous life????? Us as outsiders looking in, may think they're living this way but the truth is, these indivduals live a tormenting life within themselves trying to find outside sources for happiness...that source should come within! Granted, there are those individuals that end relationships rather ammicably and discuss the issues with their partner. A breakup isn't always an evil sin and sometimes it's for the best if the situation was unhealthy. Either way, no matter what the circumstances are..there needs to be a realization made here and that's the fact that ALL relationships have problems no matter who you are with and ALL relationships take work. As a dumper, they need to look at the situation and see if it's salvagable and don't resort to the thoughts of a new person as a solution to the problems.. If you chose the latter, you'll soon find out it's the same as the previous relationship...just a different body and a different face...with NEW problems..... My morale of this story is "Our future happiness depends on what we've learned from the past" Sometimes we are taught hard lessons in life and we're put through the emotional grinder to learn this lesson. If we go on through life making the same mistake over and over again, we will never find the happiness that we deserve and will hurt many people in the process....So yes, sometimes karma has to be that mean ugly teacher that teaches us a hard but well needed lesson in our lives.. Tha Gipp Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 Do you still want your ex back? Why would you want back someone who cheats on you? How are ua ble to separate the person you love from the bad thing that she did? How will you be able to trust her agai if she comes back to you? I did want her back until I got a snotty email from her about dropping her stuff off at her parents house and saying goodbye to them. Now I don't know. Her relationship (statistically) has little chance of working, and I know that what we had was good. I treated her very well, and someday I would not be surprised if she tries to come back. Hopefully I will have moved on with my life, and will see "HELLL NO" but who knows where I will be when I get that call. It may be good timing a few months, or years from now, and we might want to try again. It was special the first few years, but she had some major issues the last year. I cannot separate the girl I loved for 3.5 years from the person she has been for the past year. She's changed so much, and this new person is awful. If we did get back together, we would have trust issues, and would need counseling. If she tried to come back, I will have to see how I feel, and if it is worth the pain. I'M MOVING ON. LOOK OUT LADIES!!! Link to comment
macgyver4ever Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 OK! Gipp, you know I love you dearly But that Karma "what goes around comes around" thing is getting to me! First, I would not want to wish ill on anyone, my ex included. Plus, the pain he put me through was so bad that I would not want him to go through that, but if he is as callous, unaware, and insensitive as I think he is then he probably will never care about anyone's feelings but his own. I would not wish the pain I am going through on anyone else, but I do wish a PORTION of this pain on my ex. I know she is feeling some guilt, and this she is turning this feeling into anger towards me (even though I treated her well.) But guilt and anger do not compare to the sad, depressed, empty, unwanted feelings you get when someone cheats on you a dumps you after 4 years. It's a bad feeling, and I hope she gets a small taste of it because it's only fair. Good people can get mixed up in the wrong situations and do dumb things. It's acceptable, but most people figure it out eventually. Let's hope my ex does. Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 2 Shakes and a Rattle!!!! and one heal click, 2 high fives and a woo hoo!!! For Mr. Mac......... I'm proud of you brother!!!...You're beginning to see the light, the forest is beginning to get thinner, the tree's are less and the road up ahead is just in your reach....Keep on moving, soon you'll be out of the woods and back on the road...and as you said.. "Look out Ladies...It's the Big Mac tonight!!!" Mac, remember swingers the movie!!!...they come back when we don't want them anymore... Tha Gipp Link to comment
Lava Rocks Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I don't think my ex has given me a second thought since we split six months ago. He made it pretty clear by his treatment of me that he held me in the same regard that he would a piece of used gum.... I was the one to initiate a breakup, yet he agreed and pretty much pushed me to do what he didn't have the guts to do. So I immediately started NC but broke it twice before X-mas, and have not contacted him since. I don't think it bothers him one bit. I on the other hand, seem to be feeling better every day, but it still hurts that he felt I was so expendable - if anything, this thought alone fuels my desire NOT to maintain contact. Link to comment
ediefy Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I completely sympathize with Lava Rocks. My ex dumped me almost 2 years ago now--did NC for 11 months, then tried to be friends last summer. That seemed okay until he stood me up for dinner one night because he had met someone new he wanted to get involved with. I didn't hear from him for 6 months after that, until he was feeling restless in that new relationship and wanted my attention again. I told him (via email, which is how he does everything, including breaking up with me) that I wasn't available as a backup, period. And that was that. No more contact, no nothing. We had a great time together, always, and I also struggle still with how completely expendable I was to him. He certainly was far more significant to me... Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I'm pretty sure my ex is actually more miserable than I. And frankly, I'm glad! Link to comment
1forthegipper Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I know we don't wish any harm on our ex's but the honest truth is...we hope they learn from whatever it is that couldn't make them happy with us. Not that they were REQUIRED to be happy with us but they need to learn to work through the differences and work to maintain a good and healthy loving relationship...The grass is never greener on the other side and becareful of the bridges you burn!!!...you may just need to cross back over sometime down the road... Tha Gipp Link to comment
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