:)

[Gracelove]

I saw the "I Love New York" reunion show.

 

AGAIN.

 

That was so sad. I know that Tiffany/New York, is really mean, but I still felt so sorry for her.

 

And I don't really have any respect for "Tango" either.

 

What he did was so wrong. He knew he didn't want to be with her before the reunion show.

He just shouldn't have shown up.

 

He could have called in or written a letter stating why he didn't want to be with her.

 

He even kissed her and everything, knowing the whole time he was going to dump her!

 

That was so messed up.

 

I can understand him not wanting to be with.

But also, he knew the type of person she was before he even decided to audition for the show. I know he's smart enough to know that she wouldn't miraculously (sp?) change into someone completely different over night.

 

That was so shocking.

 

I know she was really mean but it's so sad to see people crying.

 

I knew when she chose him that he would see the footage where she talked badly about his mother. Honestly I thought he would just brush it off, like a lot of men have done on other T.V. shows.

 

He should have just been up front. He knew he was going to dump her well before hand, I don't see why acted happy to see her, and put his arm around her, and made out with her first.

 

Anywho, it's "Good T.V.". It's still so sad. And he walked out in an arrogant manner. He threw his hood over his head, and had this little walk. What's the purpose of throwing your hood on, you're indoors.

 

I mean, on national television........

 

My cousin said she laughed soooo hard when he dumped her.

 

She said, " I know you're down for your homegirls, but some girls you don't need to be down for".

She's so cute.

 

I can't help it, I'm a girl. Of course there will be times when I'll sympathize with girls, almost always actually, unless I know that particular girl is really evil.

 

Anywho, what can I say.

 

I'm not really big on arrogant guys. I've dated arrogant guys before. The only thing is that they weren't that cute. LOL! I mean they loved me, and I love them, but they were wayyyyy to into themselves.

I noticed it in the way they compared themselves to other people.

They were always so much better than everyone else, in there own minds anyways.

 

And now, thank God in heaven, I have a really handsome, attractive, sexy man, and he's so down to earth.

I love him to death.

 

Anywho. What can you say.

 

People are funny. There are so many interesting people in the world. It's fun to see how everyone differs.

 

I'm watching family guy, a re-run of course. I love Stewie, he is soooo funny. And I love the way he talks!

 

Ewww! This is the one where the dad tries to breast feed Stewie, LOL!

 

Sooo disgusting!

 

I'm sooooo sleepy. And I have to go to work tomorrow, ahhh!!!

 

My dad is taking forever to get home.

 

I don't want to go to sleep alone in the house. I prefer someone be here.

 

Gosh I'm tired. I want to go to sleep soooooooo badly.

 

Man I'm tired.

 

I told my dad to leave early. But he waited around the house forever, and now he's getting home late. Which means that I'm going to bed late and I don't want to wake up early to go to the gym with him.

 

I do need my rest afterall.

 

If only I would have gone to bed at 8pm when I planned.

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[Gracelove]

It's another beautiful day here!

 

I'm going to have to go to the bathroom soon, I just know it.

 

I'm soooooooooo excited about seeing my boyfriend soon!!! Talk about happiness, I'll be swimming in it.

 

I feel like I'm "home" when I'm with him.

 

Just to be able to rest, and reflect, and spend time with the person I love most, means the world to me.

 

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

 

I just had to let that out, I'm so excited.

 

Whew!

 

I've decided to look for a new job. I'm going to apply to be a secretary where my mom works.

 

I know the title doesn't sound as glamorous, but I'll be getting paid $10hr. more than I am now.

They can keep the title and I'll take the money.

 

I'll be going back to school to learn new things, and get another degree anyways. So I don't really care too much about the jobs I'll have prior to beginning my career.

 

I decided to listen to everyone around me, "Don't get a second job, just get a job that pays you more."

 

It's such great advice!

 

I've been searching the internet, but I should really be contacting people I know instead.

 

I know quite a few people who would be more than capable of providing me with a good paying job.

 

However, I really need to get myself in shape first.

 

When you're pretty people are willing to do so many wonderful things for you, LOL. I've lived in this world long enough to know that.

 

I've already lost 5lbs., so I've got to keep up the good work.

 

If I exercise as well, the weight should just fall off.

 

One of my friends just lost 40lbs. recently and she's really encouraging me.

 

I feel sooo much more motivated than I did before.

 

People used to always think we were sisters, and call me by her name and vise versa.

 

We didn't really think we looked that much alike, but everyone else did.

 

Anyways, seeing her new picture was really inspiring. She looks soooo pretty!!!

 

She has always been pretty, and her picture was gorgeous.

 

That reallllly made me want to lose weight. And I'm doing really well with my diet thus far.

 

I'm soooo excited! It'll be so much fun to wear cute clothes again, etc. etc.

 

And hang out with my girlfriends!

 

We used to have sooo much fun, I really miss those days.

 

N-Ewho, I'm having a really nice time lately.

I've been talking to my friends more.

It's fun.

 

And I'm realllly syked about the wedding because then all of my friends will be in one place again!

 

It's an excuse, ya know.

 

Because everyone is spread out all over the country. When will we all get a chance to see each other again, other than at each other's weddings?

 

I love weddings! They are so beautiful! And there is so much love and happiness going around.

 

I've really got to get back into the whole wedding mode, time is passing so quickly!

 

Love you guys!

Thanks for listening!

 

I hope you're having a great day!

 

 

 

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[Gracelove]

Good morning everyone!!!! How's it going?!

 

I hope all is well.

 

Okay, I'm typing really fast because I've got to get out of here. But I'm so syked about something new!

 

I was talking to my cousin and one of my friends yesterday. And I realized something, we all have somewhat of an eating disorder.

 

My friend N. has recently lost 40lbs. and is terrified of gaining it back because she's obessed with food.

 

My cousin has always been really thin, and is pregnant. She has always had somewhat of an obession with food and weight, like me. She's terrified of gaining weight and now that she's pregnant she's afraid she won't lose it.

 

And then there's me who hasn't really eaten healthy since childhood. I have an obsession with food too. Either I don't eat anything, and am thin and smoking hot, or I eat everything and become big and unattractive.

 

So, I came to a conclusion yesterday. I don't want to diet anymore. I don't want to live the rest of my life having a bitter-sweet relationship with food.

 

I have acknowledged, that I don't "know it all" and am relying on the advice of others (professionals, who I assume know what they're talking about).

 

So.........

 

*I'm going to excercise for at least an hour everyday

*Eat six small meals a day

*Drink 8 bottles of water a day

*And get 8hrs. of sleep a night (I guess that knocks out the second job)

 

I am going to everything they suggest (oh ya, and eat an apple a day ) and see what happens.

 

I really hope they're right.

 

I started today. I got 8hrs. of sleep last night, worked out for more than an hour today, and I'll eat six small meals today along with 8 bottles of water.

 

This is my new life. I'm confident it'll serve me well.

 

I'll keep you posted! Off to get dressed.

 

I hope everyone has a beautiful day!!! I love you guys!!!

 

~Grace

 

 

 

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[Gracelove]

Hey There!!!

 

I just finished eating my lunch (a big salad).

 

I tell you, eating all of these small meals and drinking all of this water really keeps you full.

 

I'm going to be tired from eating by the time I get home.

 

But I really think I'm going to love this new diet! I get to eat healthy and sleep 8hrs. a day.

Opps, I called it a diet. It's not a diet it's a "lifestyle change".

 

Anywho, they are saying the shooter at V-tech was a stalker also.

See, some people just don't believe that stalkers are really dangerous people.

They stalk first, kill later.

 

Just like beautiful wild cats, they aren't stalking something for fun. They intend on catching it and eating it. See, there's a point.

 

Anywho, I had my experience with stalkers. Maybe "The secret" was right. I attracted it to me by watching all of those lifetime movies.

 

Anywho, it's a pleasant day today! Eight hours of sleep, and exercise, really makes a difference in your day.

 

I really need to get on the ball with wedding planning.

 

There's so much to think about. I really need to look for a wedding planner.

 

Oh my gosh, how exciting! My mother, the wedding planner, and I, all sitting down and looking through things together!

 

Although I bet my mom may not be interested in doing that until I lose some weight. And I'll run it her way and see.

 

Oh, and just for the record, my mom is the sweetest person ever. But she, like everyone else, is human.

 

And then the wedding rings! And the furniture. And the rent.

So much to think about and save for.

 

I'll just look for a part-time job on the weekends.

 

I think I'm pretty happy today. The allergies are there, but that's about all.

 

And I'm sleepy. Can you believe it? 8hrs. of sleep and I'm sleepy. My body just has to get used to the change in hours.

 

I must say, I really think I've recovered pretty well. I don't feel like I have PTSD, or anxiety order, or depression anymore.

 

I'm aware that some people believe it nevers goes away, but I'm pretty happy right now.

 

I don't take medicine anymore, and I've managed it pretty well.

 

We all know, I have my moments. But I don't know, I feel like I'm improving.

 

I hope my parents feel the same way.

 

Anywho, there's nothing too interesting going on, on my end.

I'm in training for the next two weeks, which is nice actually.

 

And I really, really have to go to the bathroom right now (what else is new).

 

Oh, my lunch is over now.

 

Bye guys!!!

 

P.S. I'll check for spelling errors later.

 

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[Gracelove]

I want a new job.

 

I don't know, I got this print out today. Every employee is apart of a safety team, and we'll be assigned a task.

 

Is this high school?

 

I reallllly don't like busy work. And it's really dangerous in one part of the facility.

 

While talking to someone I realized that I might have to be in a particular facility, and I TOTALLY, don't like that idea.

 

I told myself that participating in those college chemistry labs were the last time I'd part my health in jeopardy.

 

The Chemistry labs at my school were running illegally.

 

When you work with certain chemicals it's madatory that you work under a hood. And the hoods weren't working at all.

 

I mean, I don't like high-risk jobs. And they don't pay me enough to go out there.

 

It is sooooo time to move on, before that start adding much more to my duties.

 

I mean, they've already added a lot, however they haven't asked me to expose myself to hazardous substances yet.

And considering where I'm working, they might ask me to do so one day. And the answer will be "no".

 

I want to go back to school so badly (not the place I left, but school in general).

 

I really want to move towards my career goals.

Work is boring, to a certain extent.

 

I want to have a job I love. A job where things are a little more busy, where I'm around people more. I'm tired of sitting at a desk alllll day long.

 

It would be no problem to stop working and go to school full-time, if............I wasn't getting married soon.

 

Getting married means, NOT living at home. And if you're not living at home you need money for rent. And in order to have that money, you need a job.

 

I wish my parents would help me out on that end. But I think I really need to focus on doing it myself.

 

My mom wants me to go to Grad. school A.S.A.P., but what about everything else?

Whew!

 

So much to think about, and I'm already ready to go home.

 

 

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[Gracelove]

Hey guys!!!

 

Mission accomplished!

 

I have eaten all of my snacks, had more than 8 glasses of water, etc. etc.

 

I'm so tired.

 

I'm a little distracted right now because I'm listening to NBC news on my computer (isn't technology so amazing?!).

 

Anywho, they keep interviewing people about him.

 

It's just so weird. Because I'm sure everyone, at one point or another, runs into someone who exhibits the same behavior is this guy did (before he committed the murders).

 

In this one interview, this guy (he's the host of his own show I think) kept asking the killer's "suitemate" if he ever requested a room change.

The guy responded with a "no", but the reporter asked several times. Like he just couldn't believe the suitemate didn't do something in regards to the killer's strange behavior.

 

It's weird.

 

I mean if someone decides to kill a large number of people........

 

They keep looking for ways that it could have been prevented, but at the rate they're going they'll be interviewing his 3rd grade teachers soon.

 

What are they expecting from those people who have spent little or no time with him?

 

I mean, I know that one of my ex-boyfriends was on the verge like that.

But what could I do about it? Nothing. I mean I notified authorities about it (just like the female students at V-tech).

 

At some point, there is just nothing that can be done.

People knew he was crazy, but look what happened. They couldn't stop him.

 

All the interviewing in the world won't help now.

 

As humans, I think it's hard for us to accept that we can not predict the future.

 

Believe you me, I've beat myself up so many times over not having that ability. But it's apart who we are. People can commit horrible atrocities, and we wonder, "why" forever (myself included).

 

There is no "why" aside from the fact that there is evil in this world, and that people have free will. And when one person chooses evil, it affects a whole lot of us.

 

And I just know that someone is going to be blamed for this. Someone other than the murderer.

Because we need people to blame.

Why is that???

 

And in this case, the shooter is dead. So people will really be looking for someone to blame.

 

And why do we blame ourselves when bad things happen to us?

 

You know what? I actually caught myself thinking today, "well maybe if he had girlfriend".......am I crazy?!

 

I had to catch myself, been there, done that.

Befriending, or loving a person like that (in my experience) doesn't change a thing.

 

Because you can't understand their logic. Their logic makes no sense.

 

And they are questioning why he was released from an institution. I think if they would have kept him, maybe they could of helped him.

 

But you can't blame them either.

 

I guess I'm trying to say.......you can't catch them all. There are too many. Sometimes some will slip through the system, it's bound to happen.

 

This whole situation is very sad.I guess it reminds us that our future isn't as secure as we'd like to think.

 

Sometimes the bad guys do win.

 

Gosh.......I shouldn't say that, that sounds so depressing.

 

Okay, they don't win...because...I don't know. I just like to think that good always wins out in the end.

 

And when they talked about how this guy had a me-against-the-world mentality. That was my ex "to a T". He hated everyone, including me.

I mean it's sad, because you can't hate everyone. I mean you've got to have someone else you care about. But in cases like this I guess it's just not that way.

 

Oh well, enough of that.

 

I've never admitted this to anyone before. But I was afraid of going to graduation, because I thought my ex would do something to me there.

 

Horrible thought right. Well it's also an embarrasing thought. I'm supposed to be wayyyy over that by now.

But as long as he's still out on the streets and in the same place where I am, I'll always be guarded, because I know what he's capable of.

 

Anyways, it doesn't really matter anymore. I know everything's okay. He can't hurt me anymore. And I believe that with all of my intension.

 

 

 

 

 

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[Gracelove]

I'm so disappointed!

 

It's my first day on this new "lifestyle" and I've already gained 4lbs.!

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[Gracelove]

I'm back from the gym.

 

I love the gym! Let me tell you, after getting on the scale this morning, I definitely wasn't syked about going.

 

However I'm feeling better now!

 

At the gym you see people smaller than you and larger than you. Everyone there is trying to get in shape, so it's really encouraging.

 

I'm going to get a personal trainer (a woman this time). Men are great, I just don't think I'm at the place, quite yet, where I'd be comfortable with that.

 

I'm really concerned about my boyfriend. It isn't natural for one person to be under so much stress.

 

He's worn out, I can tell. Anytime someone gets that worn out, they usually get sick.

 

I really think I need to move down there and help him out.

 

The wedding and everything is alright, it can wait. His well-being is more important to me.

 

I have considered that it might be a difficult transition for me also.

 

I'm doing pretty well without therapy and medicine, but I having a loving family here to look out for me.

 

I am scared when I think about moving back. But I don't want him there alone.

 

He has a few friends and family there, but I don't think they're really helping him out too much.

 

I'm scared for him. I really want him to be okay. He can't do everything on his own. I try to tell him, but he won't listen to me.

 

How am I suppose to make him listen???

 

 

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[Gracelove]

I really miss my friends a lot. I talk to them on the phone, but it's not the same.

 

I think I'll go to the movies this weekend with one of my girlfriends. Maybe we could have a girls' night (drink and watch Sex in the City).

 

I have to leave for work soon and I'm not that excited about it.

 

I want to stop at Starbucks, but if I do that I'll have to drink more than 8 glasses of water (to make up for the water the caffiene will push out of my system).

 

Things are sooooo much better these days. It's a little rough sometimes, but I really feel like I'm getting over the rape.

 

I've been thinking positive thoughts, so that includes not thinking about the rape, rapist, or the accomplice.

 

I can refer to the rape without thinking about it. It's like it's just a word now, a referrence to something that has happened in my past.

 

I realllly hope this lasts.

 

As far as the "disorders" I was diagonsed with after the rape....

 

Well one of my therapists said that when someone gets depression after rape it's only temporary (so I assume it's the same with the other two diagnosis).

 

I'm happy I've improved a lot, I never thought I would get there.

Positive thinking does really help a lot.

 

I really don't want to finish getting dressed for work, but I've got to get to it.

I'll definitely be job searching.

 

Thanks for listening!

 

Have a great day!

 

~Grace

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[Gracelove]

I feel kind of sick right now.

 

I stopped at Starbucks and had a coffee. I'm stuffed to capacity and it's time for me to eat my third small meal.

 

I've had four glasses of water. This diet is challenging.

 

I wish I wasn't so curious. I keep listening to stories they have on MSN. com.

And right now they keep talking about the shooting.

It's kind of depressing.

 

And then this guy was talking about being shot. It was so disgusting. I'm the type of person who will faint at the sight of blood.

Reading about it just made me want to hurl.

 

It turns out that my boyfriend is just fine.

 

Oh, and a while back I had written about my dad and taxes/IRS.

Well it's all straightened out.

 

My mom has held as many as three jobs at one time. One of the women she was working for received $200,000 that she didn't report.

 

She didn't want my parents or their accountant to contact the IRS, but we're not going to get in trouble over something that has nothing to do with us.

 

And then I talked to this girl I've known for a long time. She's the one whose similar to "New York" from the "I love new york" show.

 

Well, I was soooo depressed after talking to her.

 

She was talking about how soooo many people are going to be at graduation.

 

I started to freak out.

 

I'm sooo embarrased about this extra weight, and the thought of tons of people seeing my in this condition was enough to make me cry.

 

But my mom was really encouraging. She reminded me that it's possible if I just work out more and visualize what I want.

 

I don't know, I've always been kind of critical of myself. And I don't know.........it's just hard sometimes.

 

I'm so emotional right now. Sometimes you just don't feel good enough, ya know?

 

On a positive note, I'll be hanging out with my friend this weekend.

She said that she misses hanging out with her friends too (she has a baby).

 

I don't know, for some reason I just started getting really lonely.

 

Oh, I don't know if I mentioned it before but I've decided to hire a personal trainer. I need help.

 

I hate being like this. I really thought I was getting sooooo much better. But talking about graduation with that girl made me soooo stressed.

I guess I still don't handle stress that well.

 

I feel so bad because I used to be one of the most tolerant people. Now, I don't know, I'm different.

 

Oh, I don't know if I mentioned that the girl I talked too, will definitely talk about my weight. She loves it when I'm not doing well and will make fun of me to my face (she has done it plenty of times), with tons of people around.

 

I don't know why I feel so bad right now.

 

This whole shooting thing is starting to get me a little down, and I have no idea why.

 

I think it's hearing about all of the bad stuff, over and over and over again.

 

Today is one of those days when I don't mind my job to much.

 

I don't know I'm starting to feel sad.

I'm trying to think of ways to prevent feeling sad. I hate feeling sad.

I think I need therapy again.

 

I'm listening to Justin Timberlake, and I really like the music, but it's only helping my mood a little bit .

 

I guess I'll just have those days where I feel like crying. I just tell myself that it's natural considering some of the things I've experienced, but that doesn't really help.

 

I wish there was something funny to focus on..........

 

I know! I'll watching Jim carey impersonating Vanilla Ice on You Tube!

 

Well, I don't know if that'll play on this computer, but I'll give it a go.

 

Thanks for listening!

 

~Grace

 

 

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[Gracelove]

I just had a thought....

 

When I get back in shape, I'm going to want to go out and party with my friends.

 

But since I'll be married...I think that will look a little irresponsible.

 

I mean, I'm still in my 20's and I'm going to want to party sometimes (go dancing with friends).

 

But it's not like I could get all dressed up and say, "Bye honey!".

 

I think he'll always be concerned because of what happened to me. He's very protective.

 

I can see him right now giving me that worried look.

That would be so sad.

 

But I know that once I get myself together I'll look really pretty again, and I'm going to feel more comfortable being out and being social.

 

My boyfriend has always wanted me to spend more time with friends.

But lots of women have told me that when they get married men are a little more controlling.

 

My boyfriend isn't controlling, but what if that changes?

I want to feel free. I've been under someone else's control for so long now.

 

When you're married you have to be more accountable to the person you're committed to.

 

I don't know.

 

I'm not going to want to do everything with my boyfriend.

 

I know myself well enough to know that at one point I'm going to feel comfortable enough to go to a club.

 

And what about my guy friends? Will I ever see them again? I doubt my husband will be comfortable with me flying accross the country to hang out with my guy friends.

 

Am I really ready for marriage?

 

I'm starting to realize that there might not be a lot of things I can't do.

 

I don't want to be a child again.

 

I just got from under my parents' control about a year ago.

 

Spring break was always soooo fun! Being free and looking cute, and drinking and partying with my friends, while guys check us out.

 

We always said we would get together and do it again.

 

Granted I don't ever think I'll be able to drink in a club again.

 

But in the past, when I did, I was always around people who loved me and looked out for me. We always looked out for each other.

Regardless. I'd never drink outside of my home again.

 

I'm starting to freak just a little bit.

 

When my boyfriend finally gets out here, and we're married and living together I think everything will finally set it......I bet I'll cry.

 

Oh my gosh! I remember on one Spring Break, I attempted to date 3 guys in one day, LOL!

 

I was a disaster!

 

I over-slept from partying the night before and missed the first date by 3 hours.

 

I was supposed to date the second guy in the afternoon.

But he didn't find me until late that night, and I was already out with the 3rd guy, LOL!

 

But I had to much fun. I mean I don't think I've ever felt so free.

 

Miami, well Florida period, is such a fun place during Spring break.

 

Oh well, break time is over. Back to work.

 

 

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[Gracelove]

Oh my gosh, they're talking about changing privacy laws concerning mental health.

 

Can you believe it?

 

Because of this guy who went on a shooting spree.

 

It's sad because I think it'll discourage people from seeking help.

 

After my rape I needed to seek help. I was diagnosed with 3 different things because of the rape.

 

I think seeking help is a good thing. But if my employers or anyone else has access to that information.....if I knew that, that would be the case, I seriously doubt I would have sought the help I needed.

 

I mean the act of one person can reak havoc beyond belief.

 

A guy on CNN had a good point tonight, our mental health system isn't that great.

 

If an random employer knew I had counseling, or stopped taking medication I seriously doubt they would want to hire me.

 

I would have to explain, my whole situation (the rape) in order for them to view me from a different perspective.

 

I have a really good reputation, fortunately. I don't know, what about those people, who aren't as fortunate?

 

If they start changing privacy laws, I really think it will discourage people from seeking help.

 

I know my ex really needed help, I had suggested it to him, but it was so taboo for him.

 

I tried to explain to him that there is no shame in seeking help.

 

I mean if you have problem with a math question, you ask for help. Help is a good thing.

 

I mean it's obvious that the killer was mentally ill.

 

But then I think they classify depression as mental illness too, but I'm not quite sure.

 

If that's the case, then how can someone be temporarily mentally ill?

 

I became depressed after the rape and they told me it was temporary.

 

I don't know. I'm just really concerned.

 

I really enjoyed therapy for a while.

And I intend on continuing therapy.

 

There is a lady I work with. And her mother had a mental breakdown when she was young. The lady I work with views her mother as being weak.

 

Do you think I would let her know, that I (voluntarily) committed myself to a psyche ward and was there for 3 days?

Absolutely not, LOL.

 

I guess I didn't realize how bad the stigma is.

 

I don't know. I'm not a therapist or a psychiatrist (sp?).

 

I do believe that the killer possessed a certain amount of evil.

You have to have evil to have no regard for the lives of others.

 

Oh man, it's been a long day.

 

This diet makes me feel bloated. And I won't be getting 8hrs. of sleep tonight unfortunately. I've got to get up early to make up time at work.

 

It's weird how the talk has gone from a person committing murder, to mental health.

 

I know he had serious issues, but they said he was that way from the time he was a child.

 

And then they mentioned something about forcing people to take meds.

 

I think that's really scary.

 

It's scary because I chose to go on medicine when it was suggested to me. They said they believed it would help my anxiety, and it did.

 

I'm not against medicine it helped, but I was able to determine when I no longer needed it.

 

So what if a person is like me, and they choose to take it.

But then they also choose to stop taking it. Are you telling me that people are going to start shoving pills down their throat?

 

Because if that's the case, people will probably just never start taking it.

 

I remember when they first suggested medicine. I was soooo opposed to it. I remember this 15 year old boy who was on T.V. He was on Prozac and killed both of his grandparents.

He was sooooo torn up. Just looking at him was painful. He was balling/crying soooooo hard. It was like you could tell he just couldn't believe it. Like he was missing his grandparent to death, and then on top of everything else he killed them. It was soooo sad. That was years ago, but I still remember it so clearly.

 

But they assured me, that things like that only happen if the person has underline psychosis (sp?).

 

Anywho, I don't know. I'm sure it's all complicated.

I just know that medicine really helped me, to a certain point, then it started hindering me.

 

It supressed my emotions when I couldn't deal with them, and they were over-whelming. But when I was ready to face what happened, and the emotions that go with them, I didn't need the medicine anymore.

 

And that's my perspective.

 

LOL, my mother said when I was on medicine I was a vampire from hell, LOL, so I guess medicine doesn't always make people react in the manner that we think it will.

 

The whole thing is so sad.

 

I saw part of the video, and I realize he was sick. But I don't think it was just his sickness, he had a lot of hate in his heart. There is a difference.

 

Oh my gosh, I was watching the news on the internet earlier today, and this guy was talking about Ismahel (sp?), in the bible.

 

Well, he totally got the two sons confused.

 

He switched the two sons, Isaac and Ishmael. He said Ishmael was the one who was going to be sacrificed, but was spared (God sent a ram for Abraham to sacrifice instead). But it wasn't him, it was Issac. Ishmael, was the one who was sent away with his mother. His mother was the "other woman". -->See Genesis Chaper 16; Chapter 21 verse 9-21; Chapter 25 verse 12

Galatians--> Chapter 4 verse 21-31

 

Poor guy gave the wrong information on national television. I'm sure he'll be hearing about that one for a long time.

 

I really need to read the bible more. My boyfriend gave me this beautiful Bible almost a year ago, and I've barely opened it.

 

Anywho, I hope everyone has a good night sleep!!!

 

Nighty-Night!

 

~Grace

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[Gracelove]

Hey Guys!!!

 

It's a beautiful morning!

 

I can't type long because I'm at work early today.

 

I've been feeling much more like myself lately. Happy and singing in the car.

 

And I'm not fat. I'm bigger than I'd like to be, but that will change.

And I'm not ugly. I'm just so harsh on myself and that's a very hard habit to break, but I'm working on it.

 

I hope everyone has a beautiful day!

 

I have so much more to say (as always), but my boss will be here soon.

 

Love you guys!!!

 

~Grace

 

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[Gracelove]

Oh my gosh it's break time!!!! LoL!

I'm soooo happy!

 

I feel like talking.

 

I guess I'll be going out to the movies today and tomorrow.

 

I really want to see : Fracture, that Halle Berry movie, and......there's one more, oh Disturbia.

 

If my boyfriend was out here right now, we'd be having such a fun weekend!

 

I haven't really gone to the movies much, since being without him.

 

That girl, B. (Bianca). I am soooo through with her. I need to learn how not to pick up the phone.

She's so negative and mean to other people. She always has been and always will be.

 

It's okay, to have love for her, but from a distance.

 

She's not a person you want to be around. I mean she dogs her "other friends" constantly, so that's just how she treats everyone.

 

But since being in college I think she realizes that not everyone takes kindly to that type of behavior. And a lot of her "friends" treat her like crap. Which of course has only made her a worse person.

 

Anyone, no more taking calls from Bianca.

 

I tell you, Robin Thicks, and Maxwell can put me in a romantic mood anyday of the week.

 

I'm been listening to Robin Thicke alllll morning, and I've been thinking about my boyfriend constantly.

 

I just feel so much better as a person, and I'm so grateful.

 

I was in the worst funk for the longest time.

 

I'm somewhat worried about therapy because I don't want to start thinking about all of that stuff again, it'll just hurt me and make me defensive.

 

I had a thought....if I go to a new therapist, then who says I have to catch them up on everything.

It could just be a totally new experience.

 

I don't know, I have this need to constantly explain myself for some reason...weird.

 

Graduation doesn't seem so scary anymore.

 

I don't think people seem so scary anymore.

 

After the rape, people were so scary to me. I had been betrayed by a friend and raped by a stranger, so no one was trust-worthy in my eyes.

 

It's hard. I had secretly been soooo angry with myself for feeling that way.

I think the whole time I was angry with myself.

 

For the longest time I've always placed blame on myself instead of others. I was taught that blaming others was a sign of low self-esteem, so I blamed myself instead.

 

I think I'm hurting less. I don't have to blame Ariel for what she has done.

I think it's okay to be vunerable. She did what she did and that's it.

I was really hurt, but I'll eventually get over it.

 

Oh, gotta, go there's a rush of paperwork!

 

Thanks for listening!!!

 

 

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[Gracelove]

I'm watching them talk about Alec Baldwin on the Today show (on the internet).

 

Of course I heard the message he left for his daughter yesterday. I heard it on TMZ because I check the site a million times a day.

 

That was soooo wrong. His child will remember that for the rest of her life.

 

That is verbal abuse; poor little girl.

 

Anywho, I love watching things on the internet!

 

It's so neat! I love getting the news on the internet.

 

I'm really excited about going to the movies with my friend today. It'll be so much fun!!!

 

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[Gracelove]

Okay, just a little warning........I had something to drink.

 

Oh my boyfriend turned off his phone. It really sucks. And then he was talking about me calling him too much.

 

That really sucks.

 

I can totally understand that he wants me to respect his space, and I can do that.

But it's hard because Sidney let me call him all the time. And he was always there.

 

My boyfriend and I have been living in different states for 7months now and we have 8 months left to go.

 

I've never been in a relationship this long before and I've never been in a long-distance relationship like this before.

 

He's too busy for me sometimes. And he's stubborn! But then I can't be mad because I can be stubborn too.

 

He doesn't want me living down there with him because he wants to leave the state........okay I get that.

But then he doesn't even want to leave the state bad enough to consider taking classes out here and transfer them back.

 

I don't think we've talked that much today, and already he has cut off his phone.

 

And I know why he's done that, he thinks I'm mad at him because I asked him if I could call him back later.

 

But I can't help it if my feelings were a little hurt.

 

I mean I'm human.

 

I've gained all this weight and I just hate it. It used to make me feel safe, now it just makes me feel plain bad.

It's sooooo depressing!

 

And then I have to deal with the fact that when I go to see my boyfriend (for about a weeks time) he'll still have work and school. So I won't be able to see him often.

 

And then I'm worried about the sex because I don't feel attractive.

 

And I just feel like crying.

 

On a good note, the personal trainer just called me and I meet her on Sun.

 

I've had some tequila, but apparently not enough.

And then that probably doesn't even kick in like before because I've gained weight.

 

Now it's my time to act like a little child...."This is sooo unfair!".

But then I did it to myself.

No matter what the reason.

I wish I wouldn't have done it.

I don't know...was it worth the temporary feeling of security?

I have to say yes, it was sooooo worth it.

If I had to live in fear like that I would have completely lost it.

Gaining the weight really helped me feel safe.

But that doesn't change the fact that losing it right now is a pain in the butt.

 

What am I going to do?

 

Why won't my boyfriend just let me be with him?

Why do I have to wait?

I could move down there and get my Masters. I don't have to get it out here.

 

Why is he doing this to me?

Haven't I had enough rejection?

 

I don't know.

 

It's hard. I never really cared about other peoples' size...but now that I hate mine......I don't know, I just.......I.......I want to be small again.

 

I don't mind a guy being able to pick me up now. I'm totally okay with it.

 

I want my small stomach back!

 

I just...I don't know I see where I'm well off in some cases and it's makes me feel bad about complaining...but then sometimes I reallllly want to complain.

 

And cry.

 

I don't feel "stuck" like I used to, but I do feel slightly stuck.

 

I don't even really think it's about the weight anymore, but I can't think of what really might be bothering me.

 

I don't know what it is.

 

Usually if I think about it a bit, I can figure it out, but this time it's not coming too easily.

 

Maybe I just want to feel loved. I mean, attention from guys usually always comes easy.

I've never been a person to put out or anything, I've always been pretty laid back.

But I'm a girl, I still like guys telling me I'm pretty, and treating me like I'm special.

 

Aside from some guys at work being nice, there's nothing else.

Nothing.

 

I don't even really care about the rapist anymore. At least that's how I feel right now.

I just want to be loved.

 

And I know it sounds stupid because I'm blessed to have many people that love me, but..I want to feel loved.

 

I don't know.

 

I don't know, maybe I need more alcohol. You know that feeling you get where you just feel really good, and relaxed, and comfortable? I want that feeling really badly.

I want to not care about anything right now.

I just want to be happy.

 

I mean, what can I do. My parents have always worked really hard, but at times I always felt so neglected.

I felt like work and all of their activities were more important than me.

And I feel that same way with my boyfriend now.

 

He doesn't even want me around.

 

And I can understand he's ambitious, but......I don't know.

I guess I'm kind of backwards. I always excel when I have a happy personal life, not the other way around.

 

Gosh, when was the last time I had a happy personal life? Freshman year in college? No, it's always been full of ups and downs over the years. Sometimes it's really happy, other times it's not.

 

What am I going to do? Does my boyfriend even really find me attractive anymore?

 

He doesn't make out with me.

 

I mean it's like we'll kiss for a hot second and then he's ready to go (get to it).

I don't know. I mean it takes women more time to warm up.

I try to warm up quickly, but sometimes it's hard.

 

I don't know, I just feel...I can't describe how I feel. It's like I feel like crying, but then there is a silent strength there at the same time. And I have no idea where it's coming from because I really want to break down and cry right now, but something won't let me.

 

I'm just not used to being in a relationship when I'm all messed up like this.

 

Usually I'm all good when I decide to enter into a relationship again.

 

I never date when I'm having difficultly, or issues.

 

But in this case it's totally different.

 

I met and fell in love with my boyfriend when I was a complete and utter mess.

 

Now I love him so much. And I can't break up with him to take the time to fix myself because I'd risk not getting him back, and that would just kill me.

 

8months! 8 whole freakin months?! How in the world am I suppose to make that work.

 

I feel so discouraged sometimes. He always say, "soon, soon", but we both know that doesn't make the time go by any faster.

 

I don't know what to do to myself.

 

I want to feel something. Right now I feel half numb. Powerless to do or change anything.

 

I just........I just don't know what to do.

 

 

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[Gracelove]

Hey There Guys!!!

 

It's a beautiful day! I had such a nice deep sleep.

 

I woke up and was pretty sad. I called my boyfriend, poor thing, I told him I wasn't sure how a long-distance relationship would work.

 

I was reallly sad. I don't know why I do that. I know there's no way in the world I would ever leave my boyfriend. We're meant to be together, we love each other so much!

But then sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I think that is depression related.

 

Anywho, I feel so bad for being like that. He's so sweet though. He stayed on the phone with me and we talked about things until I felt much better.

 

I wish I didn't have times like that, but they are becoming less frequent.

 

Anywho, my mom was all excited about sharing something with me from , "The Secret".

I listened to it and it was really helpful.

 

I think my opinion of "The Secret" has really changed.

 

I always accepted part of it, because I was raised that way. But part of it I was strongly opposed too.

 

It's just because I didn't want to believe that the rape was my fault. That I attacted it to me through my thoughts.

 

But it was my fault in that sense. I mean it was the rapists fault also, because what he is doing is a bad thing.

 

He is a rapist, and that's what he does, that's who he is, and people are just different. He has made the choice, in his life, to rape women. That's what he likes to do.

But I do realize that I probably did attract a rapist to me via my thoughts.

 

When I was a pre-teen and a teenager. I used to hear about rape and molestation everyday on the news. It was really weird to me, and soooo wrong.

So I thought about how much I hated it, and what I would do if it happened to me.

So I focused on it so much.

And then years later, it happened to me. I was raped, it came my way.

 

There is no way I would have ever wanted that to happen. And if I would have known that thinking of how much I disliked the act, would have brought it to me, then I never would have thought of it.

 

Anyways, they had something on the CD about losing weight, and I'm totalllllly going to take the advice.

 

And Bianca has been blowing up my phone lately, but I'm not going to answer. It's my job to protect myself from people like her. We were Christened (sp?) together as babies. I've known her for so long and over the course of 20+ years, she has never changed. I honestly don't believe she'll ever be a good, happy, or trustworthy person. It's just not who she is.

 

It's hard, because I always try to see the best in people, and only focus on that. But I see that that doesn't always help. Or I've learned that isn't the case.

 

I mean I always looked at Ariel's positive side, and I ignored the bad side, and she set me up for rape.

 

It's just not healthy to be around some people.

 

Anywho, I've got to call C. and see what time we're going to the movies today. She wanted to go yesterday, but I was way too tired.

 

Thanks for listening guys!!!

 

Have a great Saturday!!!

 

~Grace

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Gracelove]

I finally figured what was missing in my Strawberry margarita, sugar!!!!

 

I followed the directions on the bottle, but couldn't figure out why it didn't taste like the ones in the restaurants.

 

Anywho, I'm through with the whole wedding thing for now. My mom is saying that she'll only pay for it if I enroll in Graduate school first, and if it's in July, because her friends will be able to fly in.

 

Just forget it. I'd much rather have my wedding on my own terms.

I'll just go to Vegas, get marriend Jan. 1st. And have the wedding two yeas later when I can afford it.

 

Ooooooo, I have the worst brain freeze!!!

 

Whew! I'm just sooooooo, upset!

My mom was like it's a waste of money for me to have secretarial-like jobs when I have a degree.

She's so right.

 

I really need to be job searching right now.

 

I don't know. Maybe I should just have a small wedding, I can afford that.

 

But who am I kidding, I haven't even saved much money yet.

 

I used to like my job, but now it's such a pain. I hate not learning anything new. I feel like the world is passing me by.

 

I'm tired. Tired of life. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to die. Sometimes I just get tired of life.

 

I really want to volunteer. I'm going to volunteer at the Human Society.

 

My mom is sooooo annoying me right now! She just walked by and saw my drink and said, "Is something wrong?!"

 

I wouldn't care if she just kept walking. But she actually stops and waits for an answer.

 

Sometimes I really miss having my own place.

 

I really need a new job. One that pays me enough to survive.

 

I've decided what I'm going to study in Grad. school.

I'm still going to study foreign language, but I'll also study business, so that I can make more money.

 

I don't know if I'm bored or what.

 

Grrr! I'm frustrated! Once again. Because my less is then perfect right now.

 

Okay, I'm back I went to fix a sandwhich.

 

My friend just called. A little too late I might add. I just started drinking. She wants me to watch a movie with her. She has to watch the kids so she can't go out.

 

Which is perfectly fine.

 

I would have really like to hang out with her, but I don't like leaving the house when I've had something to drink.

 

You know, screw it! I'm in a bad mood, maybe hanging out with her would make me feel better. At least I wouldn't be alone.

 

But I don't want to be tipsy around little children, they'll probably be able to tell.

 

I don't know, I think I need girl talk though.

 

I don't know, I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy a lot these days. I'm just a wreck, maybe I do need therapy.

 

I wanted to watch the "Queen". but it's not on "on Demand"

 

"Breaking all the rules" is on right now.

 

My life sucks! I have a stupid job that doesn't pay me enough to survive on my own. I don't hang out with my friends anymore. And worst of all.....I live with my parents!!!!

 

Other people I know don't have to worry about their weddings because their parents pay for it.

But me, my parents................I don't think they're going to do it.

They keep beating around the bush and I can't rely on them.

 

Maybe I should just watch "blood diamond" again.

 

I don't know what to do. I hate the way I am right now. I want to be perfect, but I'm not.

 

Maybe I should just search the internet for a while..

 

 

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[Gracelove]

Hey There Guys!!!

 

Oh my gosh I am soooo desperate for friends right now.

All of my friends are spread out all over the country.

 

It's so hard.

I'm starting to miss the college atmosphere. Everyone is around, so it's so easy to hang out with your friends or be around people your own age.

 

Everyone at my job is sooooooooooooooo much older than me.

 

And I don't even get a chance to chat that much throughout the day.

I'll chat with my boss a little, or with Norma that secretary when I'm in that building.

 

About once every other day a new hire named Audrey comes to chat with me, that's always fun.

 

But I am isolated!!! This is killing me right now. That's another reason I wanted a second job. I was hoping I would be able to be around people my own age.

 

This realllly sucks! I'm so lonely.

 

Anyways, I'm on the phone with my boyfriend now, so that's helping me a tad.

 

I really miss people, talking to them and being around them.

That's why a I need another job. One where I'm helping people, or socializing with people more, something. That will keep me from getting so bored too. And when I'm bored I'm not as effcient.

 

But when my boyfriend gets here and I'm living with someone my own age, I think that'll help.

 

And once I get my own place I'm going to go back to school anyways.

 

But I'm a little nervous. I've never worked and gone to school before. Well I did a couple of times at school, it was work-study.

 

But I've never worked full-time and gone to school at the same time before.

 

In that case it would be great to keep this job. The job I have right now requires little or no thinking. When you're in college you have to constantly challenge your mind, so this is a perfect "college-job".

 

I don't know, maybe I should be more patient.

 

If I'm a little more patient this job will serve me well.

 

And what about the second job?

I really think a second job will be fun.

 

But then I have to choose between money or atmosphere. If I work in a retail environment then I'll probably be around more people my age. If I get a job that pays more than I'm making now I may be around mostly older people.

 

But of course I know that isn't always the case. There is one company I know if imparticular (sp?) that should have a lot of kids my age.

 

Man, I really wish I had a vibrator right now, LOL.

 

You know what? It's hard for me to drink alcohol these days. I almost have to force myself to drink it.

It really aggrevates my stomach a lot.

 

I don't know what that's about.

 

D*** it! Bianca called my home phone!!!! I am soooo tired of her!!! I wish we had caller ID (we used to I don't know what happened to it)! I just can't escape her, she's like the plague!

 

Anywho, everything is cool with the wedding! I'm getting married in Vegas! I always thought about eloping there but not having an actual wedding!

 

I'm sooooo excited. Now we can invite any and everyone!!!!! It's so great!!! Because there are sooooooo many people you want to invite, but then you think about the cost (espicially if all of those people show up). But when you have a wedding in a location where barely anyone you know lives, it's much better.

 

You can invite everyone, so no one has to feel left out!

But then you also know that not everyone is going to fly out, so it's perfect! I'm so syked!

 

Well, I'll chat with you guys later!!!

 

Thanks for listening!!!

 

~Grace

 

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[Gracelove]

I love planet earth!!! I'm definitely going to buy the series!

 

While I was taking my shower I realized why my life is so boring lately! I'm simply not busy enough.

 

And now that I know when and where I'm getting married, I've got to start preparing myself to become a bride!

 

I've already made an appointment with the personal trainer (it's in a few hours). And I've got to start all of the beauty treatments I've neglected over the last 1 year. I have to make a an appointment with my dermetalogist (sp?). And I have to start watching "What not to wear" again, so I can purchase clothes that are really complimenting to my to my figure.

 

I'm starting to get so excited!!! Ahhh!!! I'm going to have a beautiful wedding, and a beautiful body. And I'll be pretty!!! People tell me that I am pretty, which is really so nice to hear. I've been kind of......I don't know, unappreciative of the kind things people have beeen saying to me.

Because I've been to unhappy with myself. And so critical of myself.

But I really should just be so grateful. So grateful for everything.

So grateful for the way I am right now. So grateful for me. Things could be so much worse, and there is so much beauty in my life to be grateful for.

 

I'm going to do my best to complain less. Although I'll be making a lot of changes (which usually means I complain more). But still, I'll try.

 

I'm going to search the internet and find out where I want to volunteer on the weekends. Because helping people or other living things really helps to bring a sense of fulfillment into my life.

 

I'm not saying changing will be easy. I don't think it will be really difficult either. Because I'm only attempting to do things I've done regularly in the past.

 

I'm so syked!!!

 

Well, I've got to start on my hair.

 

I'll have to regularly maintain the appearance of my hair, nails, and everything else. I will always make sure I look my best.

 

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[Gracelove]

Devastated, and Depressed....

 

I went to the gym yesterday, to meet with my trainer.

It'll take about a year and a half for me to get back down to 120lbs.

 

I feel like I'm starting the grieving process all over again.

 

I was hoping to be completely healed from the rape in a few months, and now it's moved up to a year and a half.......I don't know what to do.

 

Half of my body weight is fat, and I'm "dangerously" over weight.

 

I feel like crying. I was okay dealing with "being fat now" in my mind. But now I realize how drastic it is. I don't want to be fat for much longer.

 

I hate being fat!

 

It was hard enough accepting that that's the way I am now, but I could stomach it when I thought it was temporary.

 

But a year and a half.............

 

There's no way. I can't be like this for a that long. I don't know what to do.

My only hope is that sometime in the near future I'll be displined enough to go on the lemonade diet and stick to it.

 

But this is too much, too much all over again. I feel so over-whelmed, like I'm drowning.

 

I wanted to be over this so bad. I've been thinking positively and everything, and now I just feel like I've had the biggest set-back.

 

All I can do it cry. My self-esteem is so low now. I almost hate myself for letting this happen. It's like this is something I can't fix.

 

 

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[Gracelove]

Hey There Guys!!!

 

I'm feeling much better! I talked on the phone with my boyfriend and he cheered me up.

I just had a reallllllly nice bubble bath, and I'm in bed.

 

I just have to focus on inner beauty, and the beautiful earth around me for now.

 

I'm still a beautiful person inside.....and outside although I hate to admit it.

 

So I'm just going to focus on helping people through volunteering.

 

I don't know, I don't want to think of everything right now.

 

I'm going to read one of my favorite childhood books before I go to bed. It's Dr. Seuss' "I had trouble getting to Solla Sollew".

 

My dad used to read it to me at bedtime when I was younger. I found it just the other day and I think it will add to my now "pleasent" (sp?) feeling.

 

I'm really thinking of having a small wedding.

I read that Jennifer Lopez had a wedding with 32 people in attendance. Not like I want to follow her example, I just think it's a good idea.

 

Family alone will be about 32 people. I don't know, I think I'll have a be party later, where everyone can come to celebrate our union.

 

Well my mom's home and I'm off to bed.

 

Nighty-night!!!

 

 

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[Gracelove]

Hey There Guys!!!

 

It's a nice day today.

 

I'm so excited because I remembered I have a another friend who lives in the area!

 

I'm pretty positive she'll go to the movies with me. I'm really syked.

 

I really have to get over this whole pregnancy thing. I don't know why I feel negatively about my friends having babies already. I don't know, I just feel like we should be out having fun. Who knows....

 

I am feeling pretty happy today. I'm wearing an outfit that's complimenting. And I did my nails.

 

Okay, I have a confession to make. I brought a vibrator on Sunday!

It's nothing complex, but it works wonders. LOL!

 

I'm not throwing them away this time either.

I've found a good hiding place and I doubt my sweet, but nosey parents will find them.

I think that's probably helping my mood too.

 

So a little tequila (I do mean a little), a nice bubble bath, and a little relief, can definitely cure stress. LOL!

 

I feel so bad right now, but what can I say? It works.

 

And I'm really syked about going to school again. I love learning and I think it's best.

 

The sooner I get in and out of school the better. I need a bigger paycheck.

 

Anywho......

 

I'm so grateful for my boyfriend, he's the most precious thing ever! Him being in my life really improves it, drastically.

 

And I'm syked about working out with my trainer. Getting my meal plan together, and working out.

I'm ready to get in shape and start living the life of my dreams.

 

Once I get my weight down, I'm enrolling in dance classes.

I LOVE DANCING. I am a true dancer at heart. I'd have to say that I'm happiest when dancing.

 

Everyone has encouraged me to dance as a way of losing weight. But I can't go that route. Everyone knows the walls are covered in mirrors and I want to look at a prettier version of me.

 

I'm extremely flexible, but I need to get some of that fat out of the way, so that I can actually do the back bends.

 

I don't know, once you begin to appreciate yourself for who you are (now), life gets a whole lot easier.

 

I hope you guys have a beautiful day! Love you! bye!

 

~Grace

 

 

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[Gracelove]

Hey There Guys!!!

 

My boss sent out an E-mail saying that he'll be out for the rest of the day. But his office door is still open, which is so unusual because he always closes it when he's gone.

 

I'm on lunch break, thank goodness!!!

 

I'm in training. The guy who is training me is homosexual (although he's married). It's funny how you know certain things but some things don't click.

 

I was reviewing my notes and then all of a sudden it registered..he always flirts with the men who come in the office. LOL, it's like, "duh" but I totally didn't even think about it until today.

 

Anywho, talk about a little stressful. It's because I take reallllly detailed notes. And I'm suppose to make a little manual instructing how to run the department in this guy's absense.

 

And he talks 100 miles per hour. It's crazy. Sometimes I think he does it on purpose, but luckly I have a good enough memory, I can remember up to two paragraphs worth of continual talking at a time (while writing simultaneously).

 

But that doesn't mean it's easy. I have to make sure that anyone walking in off of the street can come in, read this manual, and run the department.

 

Anywho.....

 

I don't know where I'm going to go for lunch.

I really don't want to go anywhere.

After learning how much weight I have to lose and how long it might take, I don't want to eat anything.

But I do have to stick with the 6 small meals.

 

I should have gone shopping this weekend so that I'd have snacks prepared.

 

Anywho, I have to fill out paperwork before meeting with my trainer today.

 

I tell you, returning to school is looking more attractive by the day.

 

I can't wait to wear cute clothes again. I'm really excited about that!

 

Anyways, I'm kind of distracted. You know it takes work to get along with ornery people. That's a description of the guy who is training me. We (the guy and I) have the same boss, and that's how my boss refers to him, which is a quite accurate description if I say so myself.

 

It's just draining ,ya know. You can't take anything they (people like that) do or say, personally. And it takes work to brush off so much negativity.

Although I get the feeling that many people at my job, aren't very fond of him. He's definitely not a people person.

 

I think that's why I was sooo extremely exhausted yesterday. Yesterday I had to spend the entire day with him.Thanks goodness for tequila.

 

I don't know, I think I need to check out TMZ so my mind can focus on something else.

I reallllly don't want to go back over there with him today.

We'll see if I have the energy to deal with it.

 

Thanks for listening!!!

 

~Grace

 

 

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[Gracelove]

This lady I work with is sooooooooo annoying!

 

She was blowing up my phone, sending me crazy e-mails, and yelling at me about some paperwork "that was supposed to be done".

 

She kept going on and on about how she sent it last week (and about a million times today), and that it had to be done today. She CC'd everybody on the e-mails she sent.......

 

IF SHE WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO LOOK IN THE SYSTEM SHE COULD HAVE SEEN THAT IT WAS DONE LAST WEEK!

 

She gets on my last nerve. She always does stuff like this. And she began complainig about this profile HOURS ago (when I was out of my office and in training fortunately).

 

I mean during all of that time it never occurred to her to even check the system to see if it was done (prior to calling me and screaming on the phone)?

 

She's a nut.

 

If my boss was still here (boy do I wish he was), and she called him yelling like that, he would have yelled back and made her look reallllly stupid.

 

'Till this day I have no clue what her problem is. She has got to be close to her 40's and she acts soooo childish.

 

It's like she can't do anything.

 

And my favorite is, when she'll call on the phone for something, talk at 100mph, and then say, "I don't know."

 

My boss puts everyone who calls him on speaker phone. Soooo many times I've been in his office when she calls, we just look at each other and roll our eyes.

 

It's unbelivable (sp?).

 

Anywho, I'm headed home.

 

Thanks for listening!

 

~Grace

 

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