Jayar Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Ok. You like a guy. The guy doesn't like you like that but was ok to having a fling with you. You want more. Guy doesn't. You pull away to give guy space and do other things in your life to get busier. Guy takes the space and runs with it and turns the table on you and cuts down spending time with you. That's not cool. Lesson learned... Try not to have flings with guys who don't like you. Giving someone who does not like you space does NOT all of a sudden make them like you. Cut your losses, take his hint, and move on. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suesser Tod Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Lesson learned... Try not to have flings with guys who don't like you. Giving someone who does not like you space does NOT all of a sudden make them like you. Cut your losses, take his hint, and move on. Best of luck! I wonder why many people just don't take the hint and turn into male haters. And then they complain about the guy using them for sex, when in fact, they tried to hook up the guy with sex. Personal responsibility is almost forgotten. [talking to myself]I'm going to catch a lot of heat for that statement[/talking to myself] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shes2smart Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 I wonder why many people just don't take the hint and turn into male haters. And then they complain about the guy using them for sex, when in fact, they tried to hook up the guy with sex. Personal responsibility is almost forgotten. Personally, I think it stems from a misguided idea that a lot of women have. (Although, I am sure there are men who've had similar experiences with women...I'd think that would be less common since there's still a double standard when it comes to male vs. female sexuality/sexual expression) I admit I believed this when I was younger, too....and paid for buying into this false idea: "but he had sex with me....he must have some feelings for me!" Or something along those lines. Many of us are taught...and we want to believe... the idea that sex is special and has to "mean something." But not everyone is operating under that assumption...and for some folks (men AND women) sex is just "something to do" or "a good time" and doesn't mean anything beyond that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 I think many of us grew up with those thoughts.... Sex means something. He must love me! I love him too!! Yay, he slept with me, he must really care about me! And then we grow up. And realize that "it is what it is." It can be something beautiful between two people that have shown their love for each other or it can be something cheap that means absolutely nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suesser Tod Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Wow, thanks I'mThatGirl and shes2smart for being open, objective, and answering a post without taking it as a personal attack! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 You're welcome.... There's nothing worse than someone that plays the victim without taking some responsibility. It's not that I don't like that as much as I feel sorry for the people that operate that way because they may never find happiness in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hennypenny3288 Posted March 12, 2007 Author Share Posted March 12, 2007 Before everybody jumps on my back, playing the victim is NOT something I wanted to. My purpose was to understand the whole situation and to discover why when you give someone space, why they take the whole pie and run with it, leaving you in the dust. Not to bash on the guy either, we have a friendship and I am going to stay with that. With this thread, I wanted to understand why sometimes, when you give a person space, it doesn't turn out the way you want it to. I always thought when things got too heated, giving space was a GOOD thing and would help the situation get better, not worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 So, Henny.... I must ask you. Have the answers you've received given you insight? Or not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suesser Tod Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Before everybody jumps on my back, playing the victim is NOT something I wanted to. My purpose was to understand the whole situation and to discover why when you give someone space, why they take the whole pie and run with it, leaving you in the dust. Not to bash on the guy either, we have a friendship and I am going to stay with that. With this thread, I wanted to understand why sometimes, when you give a person space, it doesn't turn out the way you want it to. I always thought when things got too heated, giving space was a GOOD thing and would help the situation get better, not worse. Henny, try to accept the fact that not every relationship works. You're trying to convince yourself that your mistake was to give him space, when in fact, things were over before you gave him said space. If you want to learn from past experiences, you must learn to accept the truth, instead of trying to make up things. Giving him space was irrelevant in this situation, it just didn't worked. He didn't sweet talked you into having a relationship. In the start, when he was convinced it could work, he went hard for you, you said it. He proved that he was interested on you. As the time went by, he realized that maybe you weren't who he thought you were, or he realized that you both weren't compatible, or whatever. It just didn't worked, but you kept pushing. So giving space was a quick way out for him, that you hadn't given him before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shes2smart Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 With this thread, I wanted to understand why sometimes, when you give a person space, it doesn't turn out the way you want it to. I always thought when things got too heated, giving space was a GOOD thing and would help the situation get better, not worse. Ok, simple answer for that: Things don't always turn out the way you want it to because there's 2 people involved and he's got a mind and will of his own, just as you do. Perhaps the "space" you gave him gave him time to realize he did something he probably shouldn't have done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hennypenny3288 Posted March 12, 2007 Author Share Posted March 12, 2007 Yes, I do have insight into the situation. It is not something I want to face. I am trying to reconcile myself to the truth that I may just only have a friendship with him. I can't handle that really well, but I am going to be like SeaBisquit and learn to handle it. I can be understanding if I have to be. I don't deal really well with relationships and having one leave me is one of the hardest things to deal with. Hence, why I don't involved myself with a lot of relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 I really do feel terribly for you. Especially that last post. It hurts when we have to take a step back and realize that we were missing the truth of a situation. I don't deal well with relationships ending either. I really don't. And I may even take the blame more than I should but I'd rather do that than harbor many angry emotions that consume me. Rejection - the utmost worst. Unless you choose to make a positive out of it. Just imagine, Henny, if he did continue to let you dangle by a string. I know you've been miserable for months. You've been settling and hoping for more with him for so long. And everyday that he did not give you more, did you not feel constant rejection? This may be a huge break for you. Him taking more space is your chance to free yourself of thoughts of him, hopes with him, consumption by him in general. And don't let this break you. We all fall sometimes. But the beautiful thing is that we all have people, whether friends or family, we have people that are here to grab your arm and help you up again. So get up, Henny! Get up and get on......! I'd like nothing more than to hear that you have a smile on your face and pure happiness in the near future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Have to add something.... Sometimes to love = to take a risk. Unfortunately, love is not guaranteed (I agree it should be darn it!) Just remember that you loved with all you had. I think you subconsciously knew you were taking a risk long ago. And I'm guessing that if you had to do it all over again, you would possibly have taken on that risk again. That's the one thing I continuously remind myself if something does not work out. That there were signs or things that I wasn't sure about. But I wanted to give it my all and did and it was worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freedom Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 he doesnt like you that way. do the giving of space doesnt work. HE DOESN'T like you that way. NO games will work in this situation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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