10fish Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 I have been dating this girl who lives in the same university hall as me for about 4 months. It was great the first month but after a while I started to realize she's actually not the type of person I thought she was. I tried to break up with her after 2 months but she got real screwed up. I tried to distance myself from her but since we live so close together, it was really difficult. When some other people tried to date her, I felt awful not because I still had feelings for her but because I was jealous. Eventually we got back together even though I know it's a wrong decision. Now we don't talk like we used to but we keep sleeping together. I think it's time for me to end it but I have no idea how. We are about to go on holiday with some friends as well so it's going to make the break up even harder. Could someone please advise me on what I can do and how I can suppress the jealous emotions? Thanks a bunch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Firstly: Stop sleeping with her. Then: break up and Never sleep with her again. You need to move on, if you don't want to be with her, then you can't act like she owes you any loyalty. You break up and that's it, you have nothing to say about who she sees or sleeps with. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heloladies21 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Could someone please advise me on what I can do and how I can suppress the jealous emotions? You can't. More importantly is to understand why you fel the jealousy. It's because you have feelings for her! You would only get jealous over someone you care about. Something is obviously holding you back from expressing it, maybe the pain from a past break up, maybe she's not physically what you think you deserve, would need to know more of your situation to say for sure. But at this point, she is just passing time with you until the next great thing comes along. It's only a matter of time till she drops you for good unless you show her that you care about her or dump her first. Now if you weren't really interested in her, you could get her to dump you/lose interest in you, but that's another thread. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
10fish Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 Thank you so much for the advice. Just one more question. Shall I do this before or after the trip. I know bad timing could make things end in disaster as I have experienced after our first break up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 I would wait till after the trip so there is no major fireworks on the trip that could cause pain and problems for you, her, OR your friends. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
10fish Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 More importantly is to understand why you fel the jealousy. It's because you have feelings for her! You would only get jealous over someone you care about. Something is obviously holding you back from expressing it, maybe the pain from a past break up, maybe she's not physically what you think you deserve, would need to know more of your situation to say for sure. I care for her as a friend but nothing more. I still think she's physically attractive but after every time we have sex, I wish we hadn't. It's got to a point where it's getting a little too much. But at this point, she is just passing time with you until the next great thing comes along. It's only a matter of time till she drops you for good unless you show her that you care about her or dump her first. I think so too. It might sound selfish but I would feel a lot better if I was the one dumping her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heloladies21 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Do it today dude. No point in waiting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 I'd wait. Why ruin her holiday with this news? Then you'll make it uncomfortable for HER, YOU and your friends, and the trip could get cancelled, which would be unfortuanate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
10fish Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 You need to move on, if you don't want to be with her, then you can't act like she owes you any loyalty. You break up and that's it, you have nothing to say about who she sees or sleeps with. I have tried to see someone else after our first break up but she kept manipulating me to feel guilty. She makes it sound like I have never had any real feelings for her in the first place and she was just a fling. I really don't know how to respond to that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
10fish Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 I'd wait. Why ruin her holiday with this news? Then you'll make it uncomfortable for HER, YOU and your friends, and the trip could get cancelled, which would be unfortuanate. Yes I think I'll wait even though I will have to endure this relationship for another 3 weeks or so. What would be the best break up strategy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 After you come back from your trip, find a time to be with her alone and sit her down and tell her that you don't think the relationship is working out and give her the reasons why. You have to be strong and stay strong while telling her this. No backing down if and when she does cry, beg, etc. She'll probably be very sad and upset about this and will probably beg and cry to ask why and whatnot. YOU CANT BACK DOWN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
10fish Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 After you come back from your trip, find a time to be with her alone and sit her down and tell her that you don't think the relationship is working out and give her the reasons why. You have to be strong and stay strong while telling her this. No backing down if and when she does cry, beg, etc. She'll probably be very sad and upset about this and will probably beg and cry to ask why and whatnot. YOU CANT BACK DOWN. Thank you so much for the advice! Shall we try to stay as friends afterwards or would it be better to break off all connections? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 Thank you so much for the advice! Shall we try to stay as friends afterwards or would it be better to break off all connections? If you try to stay friends with her after the breakup, that's up to you. She may take is as a sign that you are still interested in her and try to get back together with you. If you don't want that, then DONT stay friends with her. Give her some space to get over you, and then try to work on being friends. After the breakup, see how the both of you are faring, then make a decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terk2021 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 It sounds like you care for her as a person. I think going on this trip with her would be under false pretenses. This will only draw her closer to you, and make it that much harder on you when you do break it off with her. Generally, no one really likes to be friends with someone right after they get dumped. If you do not want to be in a relationship with her, then just tell her exactly how you feel. She will probably be upset, and ask for the reasons why. I am sure it is tough if you live so close to her. It's possible that down the road a friendship may work. It's a question of her dealing with her feelings for you, and her determination if she can do it or not. If you do go with her on the trip, and not breakup before, then I would make it seem like you really did not have feelings of wanting to break up prior to the trip... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
10fish Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 A large part of me want to break up with her before this trip. But like others have said, it'll ruin the trip for all of us. I think it's selfish of me to do that. Having said that I do see the potential of attracting more problems breaking up with her after the trip (e.g. stringing her on etc...) Either way I am certain that I will break up with her after the trip. Thanks for the advice though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terk2021 Posted March 4, 2007 Share Posted March 4, 2007 If you can, make it seem like you did not have these feelings until after you were on the trip... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
10fish Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 Thanks. I think that would be reasonable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
10fish Posted April 16, 2007 Author Share Posted April 16, 2007 Following your advices, I have succeeded. Thank you very much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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