Why does he do this kind of stuff to me???

[Steelergal]

Hi again everyone-

 

Just needing to vent again and get this off of my chest. Some of you may know my story and what I've been going through. I'm not going to reiterate everything here...just want to write about the latest in the saga.

 

Today is my birthday. It's been a tough day but I tried to keep myself busy and not be completely sad and miserable all day. I haven't heard a word from the STBX all week. I AGAIN resolved to go NC...sent ANOTHER final good-bye e-mail on Wednesday and left ANOTHER final good-bye voice mail yesterday. I told him that my b-day was a good time for me to resolve to move on and get over him since he won't answer me about definitely wanting the divorce. I told him I figured that actions speak louder than words and it's time for me to let go. That was tough....I cried alot after I left that message.

 

I did not expect to hear anything from him today but this evening he sent me a text message...something like this..."Happy Birthday! I know I am a jerk whether I wish you a happy birthday or not. I've been thinking about you alot today! I hope you can have a good b-day. I'm sorry." My heart flip-flopped when I read that! WHY does he keep doing this to me? What does that mean?

 

BUT...I stayed strong and I did not respond...and I will not respond. That is a very big step for me. I do not think it is sincere and I think it is just manipulation again. I wish he hadn't sent that though. It put a damper on my day when I was trying NOT to think about him.

 

One additional update....I did find out this week that both he and the skank were fired from the company they were working for...for very sketchy reasons in my opinion...just a coincidence??? So maybe he is starting to realize how badly he has screwed up his life???

 

Well thanks for listening friends! I truly appreciate it!

 

PS-I am trying to make it through the whole day without crying...although I started to at dinner when they brought me a piece of cake with a candle and everybody sang to me. I HATE going through this!!!

[generalelectric]

Oh Steelergal so sorry to hear you are in pain...but it does pass...you aren't going to feel like this forever. Not responding to his text is a great accomplishment! That would be hard for me too.

 

This man is really not worth it, he really isn't.

 

Here are some of the things that I have been doing to get through this very difficult time: I see a therapist once a week, I go to a yoga class once a week and do it on my own, I began jogging, I read ALOT of self-help (good titles-Don't Call That Man, Ambivalent Men), I write a gratitude list every night for the good things in my life, I send text messages to friends telling them that they are great, and I to go to a 12 step program where I have met tons of wonderful people.

 

Maybe knowing what helps someone else may help you to find what works for you...Hang in there!!! The feelings will pass, they are just feelings not reality. Reality is what we do in any given moment. A series of decent moments may add up to a "not so bad" day.

[blender]

Well, it's good to cry, so don't try not to.. just make sure you don't cry for too long at any given time... take a deep breathe, smile, remind yourself that HE does NOT hold the key to YOUR happiness.. only YOU hold that key.. and your future has so many wonderful adventures and love waiting for you.

 

No more sending HIM messages of how you are going to move on..instead email those letters to YOURSELF... do not contact him again.. have the self love to gather up all your courage and self respect to let go with confidence.

 

And say to YOURSELF: that YOU are not going to be with a man who is not making a loving intentional committed effort to be in YOUR life.

 

Remind yourself that for today he is not doing so, he sent that birthday message to make himself feel good, because if he ended the relationship then the least he could do is to have the respect and decency to leave you alone.. it's fantastic and empowering for you that you did NOT respond to this message, do NOT contact him...

 

It's time for YOU to be in "acceptance" that this guy is not ready or willing to be in a loyal, loving, kind, respectful relationship right now..

 

So now YOU have the power to set this standard and cherish your OWN HEART.. and it starts with "no contact" one day at a time, no more "goodbye" messages, or emails, you've done that.. now take time to heal, and to celebrate YOU and all the wonderful possiblities for YOUR FUTURE..

 

NO more "telling him anything".. start "telling yourself".