He's a Sweet Jerk. Help!

[espoir]

I'm 20 and in college. I have class everyday with this really good looking guy. We have lots in common with each other and we flirt back and forth on Facebook. For example, though he often doesn't reply to people's wall posts, he always replies to mine and says something really sweet or cute. Like on Valentine's Day, he was asking for virtual gifts, but I'd already given my free one away. I wrote on his wall, and he replied saying that if I gave him mine, he might find it a day worth remembering. In our most recent conversation he called me a "tease..." I really like this guy, but everyone I ask says he's a huge jerk (they're actually not so kind with their words) and a flirt. One of my friends says it's because he's insecure, but if he has not offended them, he could date almost any girl he wanted. He's so sweet to me, and I want this to be something more.

 

Yet I've never dated anyone. My only physical malady is that I have crooked teeth, but I can't afford to do anything about that currently, and it doesn't seem to bother him. Partially from that and a bunch of stuff in my past, I have let many gorgeous guys slip through my fingers. Now I can hardly bring myself to look him in the face whenever we're together. I even keep every inhibition when I'm drunk. At first, I could focus on him when he was speaking in class, but lately, as I like him more, I find that I can't even do that, even though I see him glancing at me from the corners of my eyes. I fear that this will push him away, and that's the last thing I want. I'm also a little scared about pursuing this because everyone else says he's a huge flirt and a huge jerk, so I'm not even sure if he really likes me or not. And he's a senior and will be graduating in a few months, so I'm on a tight time schedule. So what do I do? How do I overcome my own anxiety so that I won't miss another good opportunity?

[CarnelianButterfly]

He doesn't sound like a good opportunity. Did you ever think he's only being nice to you so he can score?

 

If the consensus is he's a jerk, why would he be so different for one girl?

 

Also, why would someone ask for gifts? You give gifts, they aren't asked for. Even if they are virtual, that sounds pretty self-centered.

[Hope75]

How much do you trust the judgement and intentions of the people you are asking about him?

 

Think about this for a second. No one thinks a guy (or girl) whom they date is a jerk when they first meet or they wouldn't ever date them. So.... is it an act to get you attached or is it sincere?

 

I think that depends on how good these friends are that you are asking for advice on him and how honest you think they are being- and if you think they have your best intentions at heart.

 

I have to say that if I had a few trustworthy friends warn me that a guy was a jerk I'd pay more attention to that then to the guy himself... I tend to put on rose-colored glasses with a new guy, and I think that may be more common than we like to think. I think a good friend is like my voice of reason when my emotions/hopeful attitude gets in the way of my ability to see things for what they may really be sometimes.

[Batya33]

I would say to take their views strongly into account BUT also make up your own mind. However, completely discount what he writes on Facebook - that is just typing, and mostly irrelevant to his character. Rather, watch how he acts around people - if you have the opportunity - not just his friends but teachers, strangers, etc. Observe him as objectively as possible (i.e. forget what a cutie he is). If he asks you out on a date, meet in a public place and make sure all the dates are in public until you've been dating at least a few months. A good guy will respect the pace you want to take.