how fast does your dating progress into a physical relationship?

[Karhu]

I am just curious how fast people generally progress through the stages of dating into a more serious relationship.

 

 

I think moving too fast through the stages nearly always ultimately leads to some fast hot times and then a instant fizzle. It seems like the time that you spend on the early stages is somehow proportional/related to how long the relationship lasts.

 

Hormones can always be controlled if it means more chance of a life with the right person, encouraging slower relationship progress. A good balance should be struck to get the best long term prospective.

[EvaGina]

hmmm

I dont know about that

My ex and I lasted 2 years

first time I met him/we cuddled

the next week we met up again and made out

the next night we had sex... it was his first time

 

I find if something is going to fizzle out for me, it fizzles no matter what we have done physically.

[Jetta]

Well kissing I take a bit more lightly. Sex I generally wait about 2 months into the relationship, or at least that's how long I waited with my ex-husband. Really it's a case by case basis. I never seem to act the same way.

[ghost69]

few days. if it goes over 2 weeks, i'm out. i don't wait longer.

 

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[caro33]

I fully meant to wait, but things just progressed fast, and naturally as well.

 

We saw a lot of each other as well.

 

We kissed on the second date, slept together on the fourth date. The fourth date was only a week or so in though. Oops .

 

Thing is, I was so careful, and warned him it would take a while. I was tentative and nervous. And it just wasn't an issue for him! That made things easier for me.

 

This is the fastest I have ever moved in a relationship. We married after a year and a half, and are now expecting out first child. He tells me he loves me several times every day - it never burned out, it just kept getting stronger.

 

So while I fully agree that waiting is a good idea, for several reasons, I also think that sometimes things just work. Sometimes the timing/speed of physical activity doesn't make a huge difference.

[longhaircats]

There is no general rule. My ex and I slept on the 2nd date and it turned into a 2.5 years relationship. My best friend and her boyfriend also slept on the 2nd date and they have been together for 4 years.

 

Some people wait a lot longer, but it does not guarantee a long-term relationship. It all depends. As long as you feel confortable and ready, I think there is no time line there.

[EvaGina]

Come to think of it, the only times I have ever "waited" and not just gone where my physical urges took me... it all turned to custard...

[hosswhispra]

Reading these makes me feel like I move as fast as a snail

[Batya33]

I think in general there is a higher risk that moving too fast physically leads to early burnout. I don't because to me intimacy and emotional closeness have to go hand in hand. We all draw our lines. I am fine making out early on (but usually not the first date) but prefer to wait at least a few months before we have sex -- for health reasons as well since I want him to have abstained for at least 6 months before we have sex so that his STD test will be accurate. But 99% of the reason is emotional. I've never had casual sex and I know I wouldn't enjoy it and would feel bad about myself if I had sex too early and without a commitment.

[ScreenagerX]

I find if something is going to fizzle out for me, it fizzles no matter what we have done physically.

 

I agree.

 

I say go with the flow, whatever happens happens. Just don't push the issue beyond what either of you are comfortable with.

 

Admittedly my longest relationship we waited 3 months before we got entirely intimate & that lasted another 10 years after that. My three after that lasted only a few weeks & all of those we got intimate almost immediately, in my defence I was getting some stuff out of my system though. My current we knew each other 6 months as friends before we slept together & then we coupled up. Still going after 3 months now.

[melrich]

moving too fast through the stages nearly always ultimately leads to some fast hot times and then a instant fizzle.

 

Why would you suggest this?

 

I can think of only two possible reasons.

 

1. There is a finite number of times a couple can have sex before it starts to get boring/fizzles.

 

2. That one or the other partner draws some inference between the having sex early in a relationship and undesirable characteristics in a person.

 

I don't think either has any validity. I've had relationships where I've waited. I've had relationships where we has sex almost immediately (as in my current).

 

In neither case has it had any bearing on the duration of those relationships.

 

I don't see the connection but I could be missing your meaning.

[EvaGina]

^^ or that you base the relationship around sex, which is entirely possible. But then, if you have great sex with someone early on you are more likely to forgive undesirable behaviour. The relationship wouldnt have worked anyway.

[melrich]

^^ or that you base the relationship around sex, which is entirely possible.

 

I can't see why having sex early in a relationship would suggest that anymore than having sex after a month.

 

I mean if you are talking about a one night stand then that is pretty well just sexually based but it's not a relationship as I am understanding we are talking about here.

 

And just because someone waits a month or two is no protection against being pursued just for sex. If in that case one pesron was only in it for sex, the relationship is going to end pretty quickly after having sex whether the sex was had on the second night or the second month.

 

But then, if you have great sex with someone early on you are more likely to forgive undesirable behaviour.

 

I don't even get what that means.

[EvaGina]

lol

okies

if you have sex straight away, and its great... you might keep chugging on in the relationship even if its entirely unsuitable. sex is a very strong thing... (my last "relationship" was like that... I coudlnt stand his company, except for in bed.)

 

whereas if you have a few dates, find out you dont like their personality and stop seeing him, then you will never stick around just for the sex, will you?

 

People equate a sexual compatibility with an emotional compatibility quite a lot...

[melrich]

if you have sex straight away, and its great... you might keep chugging on in the relationship even if its entirely unsuitable. sex is a very strong thing... (my last "relationship" was like that... I coudlnt stand his company, except for in bed.)

 

whereas if you have a few dates, find out you dont like their personality and stop seeing him, then you will never stick around just for the sex, will you?

 

People equate a sexual compatibility with an emotional compatibility quite a lot...

 

OK...I sort of get that. But how does it fit in with the OPs hypothesis that the sooner you have sex the sooner your relationship is going to end?

 

I mean if you have sex on day 1, the sex is bad so you bail out...well you haven't really had a relationship have you (this is assuming that we make relationship decisions based on the quality of sex)

 

If you have sex on the 40th day and the sex is bad so you bail out, what have you achieved? You've sort of just wasted 40 days?

 

I don't know, I've lost myself here.

[hosswhispra]

People equate a sexual compatibility with an emotional compatibility quite a lot...

 

Yes, I can see that happening.

[EvaGina]

OK...I sort of get that. But how does it fit in with the OPs hypothesis that the sooner you have sex the sooner your relationship is going to end?

 

I mean if you have sex on day 1, the sex is bad so you bail out...well you haven't really had a relationship have you (this is assuming that we make relationship decisions based on the quality of sex)

 

If you have sex on the 40th day and the sex is bad so you bail out, what have you achieved? You've sort of just wasted 40 days?

 

I don't know, I've lost myself here.

 

becuase you would never start a relationship in the first place.

go on a few dates, dont hit it off, leave it... it was never a relationship that turned sour from having sex too early, it was just some person you dated for a while.

[melrich]

LOl...yeah but how does that relate to the OP. wasn't his/her central point that the sooner you have sex the sooner a RELATIONSHIP will end?

 

He's not talking about dating or one night stands, he's talking about sex in a RELATIONSHIP. Or have I missed the point? Or have I just picked out one point from the OP? I better go back and read it again.

[melrich]

Ok, this is the line I had issue with.

 

It seems like the time that you spend on the early stages is somehow proportional/related to how long the relationship lasts.

[EvaGina]

I just dont think ya get me

 

it may SEEM like a relationship ends quicker becuase of having sex early, whereas the relationship just was sex... it never would have started anyway.

 

I dont know how to explain it properly.

Its more... it lasted LONGER becuase of sex... from a few dates with someone you dont like, to a couple of months with someone you like bedding...

[Batya33]

Maybe because if you wait, then even when the sexual thrill/passion fades some you have a strong foundation of friendship and a strong emotional bond to fall back on and more of a motivation to reignite the spark? Or, if one person has sexual performance issues, the couple who knows each other well is more likely to work on it together because of the strong foundation. Or .. . . if the thrill fades first for one person and she/he doesn't want to have sex as often, if it is week three, the other person may just leave and cut her/his losses whereas if that is further in and the couple is emotionally attached, they will more likely go with the flow.

 

Just my thoughts.

[melrich]

Maybe because if you wait, then even when the sexual thrill/passion fades some you have a strong foundation of friendship and a strong emotional bond to fall back on and more of a motivation to reignite the spark?

 

Well I don't really care if you wait or not. Whatever each individual wants to do.

 

But lets take two hypothetical relationships. Both are at the 2 year mark. In both relationships the initial passion has waned and things are going a bit routine. They've either got to fire up or break up. So for this hypothetical, these relationships are identical.

 

Except, in relationship 1, they had sex within 3 days of meeting whereas in relationship 2 they had waited 2 months before having sex.

 

So according to the general drift of the OP or the quote above, relationship 2 actually has a better chance to survive because of that wait.

 

Personally I don't buy it. I wouldn't buy it at 1 year either. I just don't see the connection. You still get to know each other, get close to each other, form bonds, fall in love with each other whether you are having sex in those early days or not.

[Batya33]

I disagree because I think sex early on can cloud judgment, cloud the issues, complicate getting to know each other for a variety of reasons and complicate a relationship when it's still new and fragile. Waiting lets the couple get to know each other - emotionally, physically - at a more reasonable pace free of those complications.

[melrich]

I disagree because I think sex early on can cloud judgment, cloud the issues, complicate getting to know each other for a variety of reasons and complicate a relationship when it's still new and fragile. Waiting lets the couple get to know each other - emotionally, physically - at a more reasonable pace free of those complications.

 

Well maybe one day someone will do a decent study and we'll have some empirical evidence one way or the other.

 

I can't see any connection between length of relationship and how quickly you have sex but I've been off rotation for many years so maybe the rules have changed.

[Batya33]

I believe there have been studies but can't quote it. what I see in real life is more relationships that start out sexually right away burn out faster than where the couple waits and gets to know each other.