Need help...please

[SickOfItAll21]

Well I've been lurking around here for a couple weeks, and decided it's time for me to make my first post b/c I need help/support. (Sorry if this is long).

 

I'm 22 and my boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up about a month ago. He was my first/only love. He is a horrible b/f I now know, but I didn't at the time as he always seemed perfect. I found out he cheated on me...for the second time. One of the times about a year ago, I just found him on myspace and various other dating sites while he was in Iraq (he's in the army) and making plans to meet up with various girls upon returning home, and saying he can't get them off his mind etc...pretty much the same BS he always told me.

 

Needless to say, this KILLED me, because I'm in college and I would stay in at night to talk to him online, I would talk online to him for at least 3 hours a night, we "talked" every day. I stayed with him and was nothing but loyal to him for two years while he was in 2 tours in Iraq. I took him back after all the BS with other girls after he BEGGED me and swore it would never happen again. He told me he did it b/c of his insecurities and a load of other crap. He was my best friend, I reluctantly took him back.

 

Well I found out he has been seeing this other girl now that he's back in the US. I broke down..how can someone you love so much, have sent packages to every week in Iraq, and talk to every day do this to someone they claim to love? Our relationship was still long distance b/c he was stationed in NC, while I'm in Texas, but I would see him at least once a month, and he would be the perfect b/f...even gave me an engagement ring the last time I saw him!

 

Well, then I found out he's also been sort of seeing this other girl for about 3 months, and I went crazy...I'm so heartbroken, and I still love him so much even though I know I shouldn't. He makes me laugh more than anyone I've ever met, and I miss it so much. If I were hearing this my advice would be "why in the heck are you still even thinking about him? RUN!" But it's killing me. I didn't talk to him for a week, then gave in when he called again crying etc. I miss just talking to him SO MUCH!! We were together for 4 years and spoke every single day, often for hours...

 

I need to wrap up, as I'm about to cry, lol. Anyway, I decided to take SuperDave's challenge of not talking to him for a month. It's been 4 days, and though I hate him for what he's done, I still miss him immensely. He has sent like 6 emails today, begging me to talk to him. Saying "Hey, PLEASE talk to me, I love you so much, you're my best friend, I want to marry and take care of you forever." They pretty much all say the same thing. Just a second ago he said "please don't give up on us, talk to me!!!"

 

I'm soooo tempted to mail him back, but if I do, I'll feel terrible. I want him to hurt, and I'm almost certain he's probably still with that girl. (The worst part of it all is that I am way out of his league, he has admitted it as well as his friends, and this chick is not cute AT ALL..it's almost laughable..he admitted last time we talked I'm the best he'd ever get) I'm not conceited...it just makes me feel better knowing that! lol.

 

Anyway, someone knock some sense into me! I'm afraid I'll write him back and I don't want to do that or risk even wanting to get back with him. My whole world seems turned upside down, and I dont have him to look to for advice! It makes matters worse that I was supposed to move there in a month, to be with him...Ugggh, how can you hate and love someone so much at the same time!

 

[Orlander]

Ever see the movie Moonstruck? It's with Nick Cage and Cher. There's a point where Nick's character professes his love to Cher's character and she slaps the crap out of him and proclaims "Snap out of it!!!" I think about that scene from time to time when I read posts like yours or when, on the countless times some days, I want to contact my ex and tell her I love her.

 

Snap out of it!! You ARE immeasurably better than this guy deserves. He cheated on you! That's it...no reason to discuss this any further. Whenever you get the urge to contact him remember that the person you are about to talk to had sex with some other woman while he was professing his love and adoration for you.

 

Stick to your guns and dont give in to his manipulative emails. NC is the way to go. You can and will do better than him.

 

 

Orlander

[EvaGina]

You miss your routine and the companionship.

YOU CAN FIND THAT WITH SOMEONE BETTER!!!

 

You know that song "I just dont know what to do with myself"... THATS what hurts... going to call at the same time, then remembering... its the upsetting of the norm that drives us so mad.

 

block his emails... he made his bed, now he has to lie in it.

 

I know it hurts sweetheart, but you have to fill your life with other things to take your mind of it