houdini Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Hello everyone, It's been a few weeks since I've posted and as everyone else can relate, when we are first dumped our heads spin a 100 miles an hour and we're asking "What the heck happened". Slowly but surely things start to slow down and you get a better perspective of what happened and why. Long story short, Me and my now ex live in 2 different states. My ex lives in Nevada I live in California, we have a soon to be 4yr old son together and we met over 5yrs ago and had a tough long distance relationship which 2 of those 5yrs were living together and only because I made the move to nevada with the intentions of moving back together to california which would have been the logical thing to do considering that I have 2daughters that live there from a previous marriage. My ex in nevada also has two daughters from a previous marriage but the father is no part of thier lives so I love them girls as my own. After two years of living there with no effort to move back to CA I decided to move back and shake things up a bit in hopes she would follow but that didnt work out. It's been two years that we've been apart and other than once a month visiting eachother and talking on the phone everyday we did our best to keep things together but it now seems that she's finally accepted the fact that she can not move here to CA because of her job security,family,school and the fact that her kids are comfortable there. It seems that now we've been separated and having to let go of eachother because of circumstances not lack of love and I'm confused on what to do or how to save this...She never gave me the opportunity or option to move back because I believe that she didnt want to be the selfish one because of my good job here and my daughters here.... I'd be willing to make that sacrfice if she had given me that option but she has always been the type of person to decide whats best for others even without asking them first. What do I do???? Do I hold on or let go???? I want us to talk about it and not end things over the phone as she has done and I want us to explore all options and see if anything is possible. She has given me signs that she does think about if what she is doind is the right thing or not...she refuses to tell me to move on and let her go..so to me that makes me think that she is trying to let go cause of the circumstances but in her heart she can't. I want to go see her this coming friday and for us to sit down and talk, I dont want to beg her, I dont want to plead my case but I want us to both put everything on the table and see what is possible and what is not, if it means going separate ways then so be it but atleast we had the mutual respect to talk about it in person and deal with the issues, we do have a son together so that should atleast give us reasons to be civil and atleast talk things through rather than walk away unexpectedly as she has done. Any advice from you all will be greatly appreciated.... Mario Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetta Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Yes talk with her. Tell her that you'll consider relocating. Why not start looking for a job there. Why haven't you proposed? Maybe moving back has led her to believe you won't have a future together. You definitely need to have a heart to heart talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houdini Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 I want to but I dont know if right now is the right time...She says she's got tired of waiting for my love and hoping but that is a two way street, we both didnt give 100%... She said today that she is happy that I'm making the changes for myself in regards to my own personal issues and she's doing the same..but Right now she wants to be alone... What do I do???? I guess there's nothing i can really do right??? but give her, her space and leave her alone.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baddasslegend92 Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 That's all you can do.I mean you can only do so much and then you have to leave it to the other person the fill in the blanks.Take it day by day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houdini Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 Ok, I know that a person in my situaton tries to avoid the facts and looks for any possible hope that things can work out but in reality the only one that can make it work is the person that left... I just look to make sense of it all and as my therapist say's to me "You're trying to make sense out of non-sense" Because to me that's exactly what it is.. she's letting go a man that loves her, loves our son and loves her 2daughters that aren't even his all for what?? to go on with life alone, work, go to school and be alone or someday try and find a man that will love her plus 3 kids that aren't his!!!!!.... That doesnt make sense to me at all, all relationships have their problems and the answer is not running away and think your life will be better. She is who she is and I am who I am and unless she makes changes to change who she is she will never have a successful relationship and she will never find happiness in settling for what is a sure thing (job,family,school) family moves on, school isn't forever and our kids grow up!!!!.... so in the end, is it all worth it!!!!!...to me it's not...i'd rather sacrifice for my love than to let go of love and sacrifice losing that special one forever... Sorry about the rambling but I'm hurt over all this and how she wiped away my dreams, my life, my last opportunity to raise my son with her together...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houdini Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Would it be a wise thing to do to ask for a face to face meeting to go separate ways and to clear the air. We havn't seen eachother since Jan. 3rd. and 2 weeks later she broke up with me. I just think that a good heart to heart talk face to face would be what I need but I'm not sure if she would agree to it or not. I know in the early stages of our breakup she was against it and felt it would make her uneasy (assuming that she would be scared that her feelings would come back if she seen me) What should I do????? I was thinking about going to see her this coming weekend but to let her know before hand that I was going... Dont you think she owes me atleast that if this is what she really wants??? We do have a son together and I think honesty and respect is the best way to part considering we'll be in eachothers lives forever... .any advice will be helpful... Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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