Okay... please give your take on this...

[PrincessDiana]

Thank you Gina..I hope she "hears" me....I really do. .I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy!

[EvaGina]

Thank you Gina..I hope she "hears" me....I really do. .I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy!

 

I know the feeling, and what I have been through is nothing compared to you. Hang in there, you know it will get better with time

[lizziebee]

Wow wow wow! I am always amazed at the courage and brass balls you women have! I don't think I could ever make the call to the "other woman" so impressed! Anyway, like the post above says, he lied, he was caught....now watcha gonna do? This is more than a conversation about it and a sweep under the table. What if those little biz cards of his are in more hot little paws than the one you found out about? I am sorry babe but, well I am not one to talk about this stuff to...no nuts...but you need to flat out lay some ground rules down....NOW. Before your relationship crumbles. Take care of you. Let us know...

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i am glad you are going to a counselor. make sure you tell them the whole story of what he did and leave nothing out... most counselors are pretty good at dealing with philanderers (because lots of marriages end up at counselors because of it), so they will probably put him on the spot and ask the right questions to get to the bottom of it and break thru his excuses to get a real commitment out of him, or else help you see that he is not ever going to give you one, no matter what he promises...

 

the thing that concerns me is that he slipped into another accomplished cheaters bait and switch platitude when he realized you weren't buying his story, 'let me spend my whole life proving it to you...' and swearing undying love etc. there are so many cases of guys who do this, then go out the next night to hook up with someone else. plenty of cheaters want the sweet, naive partner at home taking care of the home and the kids, while they go off and have their fun.

 

i know one guy who was a huge philanderer, and married 3 times last i heard, and he was really happiest when he had a wife at home, and a girl or two on the side... all his needs taken care of, and plenty of variety. when he was between marriages it was not as much fun, because he didn't have someone at home taking care of his laundry and his kids (from other women and their own), so he'd always marry again after a couple years to get the home fires taken care of so he could play, but never stop cheating...

 

he actually had a lot less time to hook up with other women when he didn't have a woman at home taking care of his life and kids, so he'd try to hang on to the wife as long as he could, until she'd catch him at it and throw him out, then on to the next one. he made a lot of money and paid a ton of child support, but just kept on repeating the pattern, becuase he loved the chasing women game.

 

so yes, he might love you and want you taking care of his home and kids, but he might also be really into the sport of chasing women, in which case his promises of fidelity could be totally empty...

 

so please don't cut him any slack when it comes to calling his shady behavior into question, and continue the counseling, even if he pours it on for a while, to make sure you know what you're getting into... living with a philanderer and forgiving them is like throwing good money after bad, so even if you've invested a lot, it's a losing proposition to stay in a relationship with someone like that.

 

best of luck, and let us know how you're doing...

[Rabican]

Here is my advice.

 

Leave him.

 

Or

 

Tell him that you want him to prove this is not an ongoing thing. You want to see his cell phone records to see who he is calling. YOu also want to see his cell phone to check and see if hes still doing this. Tell him that his saved text messages better add up to the number of texts on his bill. That way you know hes not deleting stuff. Dont check all the time, dont be the CIA spying on him every minute, but make him agree that you CAN check up on him if you want. IF he agrees to this, chances are hes not trying to hide anything else and he really will try to make it up to you. You could also check his emails (or get the login info so that you can check if you want).

You shouldnt have to follow up on your spouse like this... but if the relationship is otherwise good... it may be a way to make him prove hes honest... and keep you from wondering.

[Rabican]

Because love sucks sometimes.

[Vanishing Girl]

I've read all your posts and i really think he is a cheater. Getting mad at you over "hotpockets"....give me a break! I know when i was cheating (and i've seen many others do the same thing) i would pick fights over stupid things~anything to cause a fight and make me feel justified in what i was doing.

 

The comment about "since she is not ok with it" (from the other post) really is what struck me as the most obvious evidence. Especially if it was a forward, which would prove he DID send it to her.

 

This is only my opinion of course.

[CallingAllAngels]

Way to go, calling the other woman!

 

First...I believe her...what in the WORLD does she have a reason to lie for?

 

Your fiance' got caught...

 

You asked for an unbiased opinion...

 

DON'T MARRY HIM. Yes, easier said than done. But if he's fooling around now, he'll continue, and I see nothing but heartbreak for you...

 

I wish you the best....

 

~Allie

[donought]

I honestly feel for you. I am in a very similar situation to you and found some sex texts my fiance sent to another girl (who also was reasonably nice when I confronted her!). I wasn't snooping he was there when I looked in his phone and he lied initially and tried to blame it on someone else but very quickly owned up. I have struggled hugely with what i saw written down it's as if it's etched on my brain and I had to decide what to do. I decided that I would give him one last chance and demanded complete honesty and that without the honesty the relationship was over. To me that is the most important thing especially after something like this has happened. It has definitely altered our relationship as I am much more suspicious now but at the same time I because he coughed up and was honest (within 5 mins of me finding out) I believe he really is being honest now. I have no idea why he did it but I love him and am prepared to give him one more chance - I do think I didn't give him a hard enough time about it at the beginning though. Were you pretty hard on him??

I also know how you feel about the kids (mine are 2 and 5) and adore him. Also sometimes it's easier for people to say (and do) leave than to work things through. I knwo of situations where people have managed to work past affairs and and have saved their marriage and are so much happier. Have a look at Dr Phil's website about stuff or some search on getting past adultery because even though something physical didn't happen the betrayl is the same.

Do what you feel is right for you.