I need some advice on how to break up with someone.

[dl217]

Hey everyone.

 

My story is this. I've been talking to this girl on the phone, that i met online for about a year before we met (Her choice, not mine) and over that period of time i developed some feelings for her before i even met her, and i even told her that. Well we finally met about a month and a half ago, and at first, my feelings were still there, and were pretty strong. We got along pretty well, and the second time we saw each other, we kissed. Since then we've been "dating" but not exactly in a relationship yet. However, after the month and a half, i've found that my feelings have changed, or rather, faded away a lot. The reason is because i've noticed that she's not very trusting, she seems jealous over me having female friends (eventhough her best friend is a guy, yet i have no problem with that), she's a bit of a depressed girl, sometimes negative, and really, i just find that she's not the one for me.

 

My problem is, since we've known each other for as long as we have, and up until this point, my feelings were pretty strong for her, i really have no idea how i'm supposed to tell her i dont feel the same way about her anymore without losing her as a friend, and hurting her REALLY badly. Also, she's going on a vacation (a cruise) this monday, and im not sure if i should tell her before she goes, or after she gets back.

 

Can any of you please give me some advice on how to end things, and if i should do it before or after her vacation?

 

Thanks!

[blueangel]

You should never try to avoid being real with someone in a conversation. Just sit down with her in a comfortable setting. Emphasis that you care about her. Then, tell the truth. Let only the truth guide what you say.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey dl -

 

I think you should just tell her when you feel it. Bad timing really sucks - not doubt about that. But you can't go on any longer misleading her. Not that you're doing that intentionally - but were you to wait, that's what you would be doing.

 

Just tell her.

 

Tell her you don't feel for her romantically. Apologise, not because you're wrong, but because you feel bad. Say you're sorry for the timing but you didn't think it was fair to keep it from her anymore.

 

You can ask for friendship and tell her how much having her friendship would mean to you, but don't expect it........

 

best of luck to you! I'm sorry for your predicamnet!

[EvaGina]

You should never try to avoid being real with someone in a conversation. Just sit down with her in a comfortable setting. Emphasis that you care about her. Then, tell the truth. Let only the truth guide what you say.

 

agreeeed

 

If you are honest, there is no way she can be terminally mad she might be disappointed and SEEM mad, but she will understand eventually

[dl217]

Yea, i want to just be completely straight up and honest, but im really scared to do it. I really just dont wanna seem like im being too harsh or mean. Im also gonna feel really bad after i do it. I dont think i've never been so scared to break up with someone before, and i think its because we were such good friends for so long. I think thats also why i dont want to be with her... Im really affraid of losing her as a friend.

 

Thanks for your help everyone. I really appreciate it!

[Hayles]

I don't know that there is a human in this world (who has a heart) that would not feel uncomfortable, guilty, worried - whatever about having to break up with someone... but find the strength - or motivation in knowing that staying with her is breaking her heart more if it's not where your heart is...

 

A gentle let down now may cause tears for 48 hours... a let down once she has been allowed to fall more for you will only hurt more... You will also feel better knowing you cut it short before you hurt her more unecessarily!

 

Good luck!