Guys..what Would Make Me Stick In Your Mind??

[EvaGina]

Lighten up

The honeymoon period is exciting!!

What if she DOES have sex on the brain? What if she cant stop thinking about him and wants to do (sexual) things with him that may be construed as "wild"?

 

Whats wrong with that?

 

I went up to my bf and whispered what I wanted him to do to me into his ear while he was serving a customer!! I would consider that pretty tame, but it had him weak at the knees.

 

A healthy sex life is nothing to be concerned about

[i1dr]

"Whats wrong with that?"

 

Nothing! Nothing more wrong than a guy grabbing a girls crotch unexpectedly in a similar situation.

 

Nothing about morals - but it's a chancy gamble. Subtle of often the best way to start - and then when the signals are right - go into overdrive.

[Batya33]

It's not about "lightening up" it's about what each person is comfortable with and defines as a healthy sex life - there seems to be a judgment in some of these posts that it's only healthy if you let it all hang out. In my opinion it's not a turn on to get an e-mail that is sexually graphic from someone I've been dating a short time - that wouldn't be reflective of a healthy sex life - it would concern me on several levels.

 

A couple that chooses to be discreet about their sex life is just as healthy as a couple who gets turned on by sending/receiving graphic e-mails. Not sure why people judge as "healthy" being sexually graphic in an e-mail - indeed, some (not me) would see it as desperate, tacky, even sad - - it's all in the eye of the beholder and up to the couple. I wouldn't want a man to have me on his mind because of an e-mail like that - that would not turn me on or feel healthy.

[i1dr]

I agree with battya here. There often seems to be a double standard on lifestyles and advice. Letting it all hang out is just another form of recklessness, much like sex without protection or driving just a bit drunk. It may sound cool, fun and risque ... but once time averages it all out it's a poor choice to restraint and using ones brains rather than impulses.

 

I personally think it's best to give advice to try to avoid interpersonal crashes. Now in this case of course there is no big deal ...it's just a blowjob ... like a million others ... but since the poster wondered ... there is nothing that should require the idea of "lightening up" in giving advice that doesn't lead to imprudence.

[g1234567890h]

Echo, I'm going to suggest that you not take people's advice. It sounds like you're having fun, and you've been having sex with him for two years, so I think you have a comfortable relationship with him.

 

My girlfriend sends me stuff like that all the time. She texts me saying, "Wanna have sex tonight?" (though she uses a different word) or "I'm getting horny." You know, stuff like that. She told me she wanted to give me a blowjob while I'm driving but we decided it wasn't too safe if we're on the road because she gives really good blowjobs. We agreed that if we parked somewhere secluded it would be fun.

 

Your sex life can be whatever you want it to be. Good job on being your own, fun person.

 

And sorry about my constant use of swear words on this forum. This is the first forum I've been to that doesn't allow it.

[Stu147]

Echo, I'm going to suggest that you not take people's advice. It sounds like you're having fun, and you've been having sex with him for two years, so I think you have a comfortable relationship with him.

 

My girlfriend sends me stuff like that all the time. She texts me saying, "Wanna * * * * tonight?" or "I'm getting horny." You know, stuff like that. She told me she wanted to give me a blowjob while I'm driving but we decided it wasn't too safe if we're on the road because she gives really good blowjobs. We agreed that if we parked somewhere secluded it would be fun.

 

Your sex life can be whatever you want it to be. Good job on being your own, fun person.

 

Yep, I second that opinion g1234567890h! This is sound advice Echo, go with your instincts and have some fun!

[Parsley]

I third the motion - motion passed!!

 

Like I said before, none of us know him, bar Echo, so why try to convince her not to do something *she* thinks he will like, because *you* don't? It's not like she's going to write it in bright red letters size 78 so no one in the office can miss the fact that she's talking about sex. It's just another form of communication, just with more distance than speaking face to face! I'm fully aware that a lot of the time face to face is the best idea, but come ON! They've got to be allowed to have some fun! By saying that she shouldn't do this is putting sex right back into the "dirty" column, something you just do not talk about unless you are right about to do the act. Which is ridiculous! In my opinion this thread seemed to be less about "Should I send this?" than "Should I send him this with these words, or should I tweak it around a bit?"

[Batya33]

She asked whether it would make him think of her all day. As I said in my first post - yes, in a s_xual way. No judgments there. I also said that if she is uncomfortable with him thinking of her in that way then she should reconsider. Having fun and going with your instincts is wonderful and also has with it the risk of giving a misimpression, particularly since she described it as a "tactic" which to me is inconsistent with "instinct" - she planned this because somehow she feels she needs to remind him to think of her and she is focusing on s_x as a way to get him to think of her. I find that a little sad, in my humble opinion.

[treefrogkate]

Did you send it? What happened?

 

I send things like this sometimes to my boyfriend, and have had very good results...

[EvaGina]

I see nothing wrong with her wanting him to be walking around thinking of her sexualy all day... especially if she wants to be ravaged next time she sees him.

 

If he only EVER thought of her sexually, then there would be a problem, but sex IS a big part of most relationships, and why shouldnt it be? its fun, its good for you, it helps bond people...

 

Taking things too literally, over-analyising everything and always expecting a worst case senario is no good for relationships. If she misses the mark (which I doubt she will) hopefully he will be a good enough guy to forget about it, if not, who waould want to be with someone that uptight anyways?

[shadow34]

I say go for it Echo

 

Ive done this with guys and they love it, and only you know the guy so no one else can say anything about how he would react.

 

It is obvious everyone is missing the point. Echo is not asking if its moral or not, shes not asking for a lecture in whether she should develop a emotional relationship of any sort.

 

The point is her question was very specific and heck shes getting things flung at her from all angles.

 

Lets evaluate the question, who cares what the motives are, she just asked for advice.

 

Echo my advice would be heck yeah, if he has the goods he couldnt help getting aroused and thinking about you. Sounds fun, light hearted and exciting and what a perfect way to do it, you clever thing. You know lots of relationships lack the spontanuety and fun that you have just described.

 

As for just thinking sexually, heck theres nothing wrong with that either if it is what BOTH parties wants!!!

 

So in answer to your question without all the mumbo jumbo is

 

YES HE WILL THINK OF YOU, YES HE WILL LUST YOU...

 

But be prepared to carry it through hehehehehe

[BeStrongBeHappy]

just a side note... some companies can and do monitor personal email, even if you don't use their server's email address and use a personal email account... they can monitor everything downloaded from the web, including yahoo or hotmail or whatever... they also have screeners than cull anything with suggestive words or pornographic terms and send them straight to the attention of the system admins for the company.

 

have fun with the fantasies, but maybe a sexy text on his cellphone might be a better idea next time? and caution of course with the driving and fun activities... there are MANY accidents from people trying that, and having a cop pull him over with his pants down or open can be very embarrassing, or explaining that to an ambulance worker, not sexy... so maybe give it a spin the parking lot, not on the freeway...

[Batya33]

I see nothing wrong with her wanting him to be walking around thinking of her sexualy all day... especially if she wants to be ravaged next time she sees him.

 

If he only EVER thought of her sexually, then there would be a problem, but sex IS a big part of most relationships, and why shouldnt it be? its fun, its good for you, it helps bond people...

 

Taking things too literally, over-analyising everything and always expecting a worst case senario is no good for relationships. If she misses the mark (which I doubt she will) hopefully he will be a good enough guy to forget about it, if not, who waould want to be with someone that uptight anyways?

 

Not sure why it would be "uptight" in the least not to enjoy getting an email from someone you are newly dating describing how she or he would like to have oral sex with you. Is it ok to judge those who might not like such an e-mail (like me, I would be offended and a bit repulsed if it was that early on in the relationship and we didn't have it as some kind of private/inside joke) as "uptight" but g-d forbid I might question whether it might give the wrong impression and someone like me is criticized for not being sexually open?

 

She asked whether it would make him think of her. It certainly would - sexually - and she needed to consider whether that was the impression she wanted to give. I personally don't find it sexually "open" to send an e-mail about wanting to have oral sex -- she used it as a "tactic" to get him to think of her -- so, I find it kind of manipulative and also the image she wrote about very cliche. But, to each her own.

[EvaGina]

Batya, this isnt about you, is it?

Its about them, and seeing as she said that she knows him and he wouldnt mind, I dont see what your point is.

 

I assume someone you were dating would understand your not that kind of person, and wouldnt send you an email like that.

 

You;re being FAR to literal with the "tactic" thing, just let it go, its not manipulative, shes trying to give him pleasure. The message is to convey that she is thinking about him, in a sexual manner, as well as to get him thinking about her.

 

Edit: It would be uptight to not forgive a small lapse in judgment, assuming he doesnt enjoy the email. Not to not enjoy the email in the first place.

[Batya33]

You;re being FAR to literal with the "tactic" thing, just let it go, its not manipulative, shes trying to give him pleasure. The message is to convey that she is thinking about him, in a sexual manner, as well as to get him thinking about her.

 

QUOTE]

 

Thanks for sharing - I respectfully disagree- I think it speaks volumes about her true motives and her neediness to get him to think about her even if it means only in a sexual way.

[EvaGina]

either that or she was unsure about the reactions she would get and used such wording to put herself down in a joking kind of way... That would tie in with the general feel of the email itself.

 

"Excusing" the behaviour by using a bit of self-depreciating humour.

 

People who are unsure often tend to paint themselves in a bit of an apologetic light.

[Batya33]

For whatever it's worth you express yourself in a very intuitive and self-aware way. And - please take this the right way! - particularly for someone your age.

[EvaGina]

-bows-

 

thank you

[shikashika]

well.. I had a guy send an email like that to me at work.. after I'd only known him a short time.. and i was just smitten with delight!!

[Parsley]

So she should never try to express her sexy side? There's only so much of the everyday girlfriend you introduce to your parents to that you can do. You've got to be a bit blue sometimes. If that's her personality why repress it? I'd hate to think someone I was with was holding back their sexual side. My ex never hid stuff like that from me - and much as I dislike him now - I loved that he did that. I loved that I'd know it if he wanted me. Right from the start. (Seriously...I knew before we were together And it has nothing WHATSOEVER to do with the fact that now I think he's a

 

There's got to be room for sexiness in a relationship. It's normal. It's human. (It's sexy, rawr)

[melrich]

Yep, your email will work. Sounds like you guys could have a fun relationship!!

[Batya33]

So she should never try to express her sexy side? There's only so much of the everyday girlfriend you introduce to your parents to that you can do. You've got to be a bit blue sometimes. If that's her personality why repress it? I'd hate to think someone I was with was holding back their sexual side. My ex never hid stuff like that from me - and much as I dislike him now - I loved that he did that. I loved that I'd know it if he wanted me. And it has nothing WHATSOEVER to do with the fact that now I think he's a

 

There's got to be room for sexiness in a relationship. It's normal. It's human. (It's sexy, rawr)

 

I never said that someone should "never try to express her sexy side." I think there is a time and a place for people to express that side. My personal opinion is that this way of expressing it and for the reason she gave might not be a good idea. Since it was done as a "tactic" I suspect it was not reallly her true personality/self. My boyfriend agreed when I told him the story.

 

For example, if a man was first dating me and had an erotic dream about me I would not want him to send me an e-mail about it describing it in graphic detail -- just because he felt like expressing his sexual side at that moment. To me that would mean he was not giving any thought to whether I would feel comfortable with that type of expression and without considering that he probably didn't know me well enough to know if I was comfortable with that.

 

Now, if that was his "true self" and if my accepting that type of e-mail was a prerequisite to us being compatible then I would want him to send it so that I would not waste another minute on him. A number of men who I never ended up meeting in person brought up graphic sexual anecdotes or asked me graphic questions on line or on the phone - through a dating site. They did a favor to me because although they were as you put - expressing their "sexy' side I knew that they would not know how to treat a lady if that was the impression they chose to give. I also did not want to risk being sexually assaulted or spoken to that way in person.

 

I believe in opening up in all ways at a reasonable pace so that each person is comfortable at each stage.

[Batya33]

well.. I had a guy send an email like that to me at work.. after I'd only known him a short time.. and i was just smitten with delight!!

 

How long did you date and why did it end? (just curious)

[Parsley]

Ok - but she HAS given thought to it. That's what this whole thread it about!!

 

Echo has said that she knows that it is something he is comfortable with, they haven't just met, she's not going overboard with detail, just giving him the bare essentials, because she wanted to be a bit provocative and suggestive and sexy! It isn't a prerequsitie for the relationship, I can hardly see him dumping her for it!

 

We've heard everything from her view here and this is about her relationship. It seems like you've grasped onto the word tactic and not let go of it, despite what she says. It's about her relationship, not about how you would feel having received such an email.

[Batya33]

She requested opinions and I gave mine - a positive reaction in the sense that yes, he will think about her in a sexual way but querying whether that was truly the reaction she wanted and the impression she wanted to give.