EvaGina Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Yep, so I have been stood up. No text, no nothing, only found out becuase I rang his house and his borther told me he's GOLFING. I woudnt give a damn if he didnt come in to meet me, but he cant just break plans without telling me. so much for my perfect boyfriend, right? He does this all the time, and each time he promises to not do it again. I HATE being stood up, I hate that hes always late. Anyays, I dno what to do about it, I WANT to scream at him, but I know that will do nothing. -sigh- And although I dont care about valentines, I had a big night planned tonight anyway and now i'll just be mad... if he even bothers to show up. Link to comment
MissTee Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Turn up at the golf course and put him on the spot. OR Stand him up. I know childish... but when it comes to males, sometimes a bit of a taste of their own medicene can really teach them a lesson. (not for cheating or lying or other serious things) Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I don't know if there's anything that annoys me more than being stood up. Three times I can remember clearly - the first I was waiting for 3 hours at a bus stop alone, with various excuses about being late, before saying he couldn't make it. His idea for us to meet that day. The second, he text me cancelling because he was having A HAIRCUT. I hadn't seen him for a month and a half. Third time, I like you, got absolutely nothing, and I was the one who had to email him the next day asking what had happened. No "I'm sorry" - no, I got "I lost my phone and was out at footie - Apologies" And that particular meeting was supposed to be him making up for the haircut incident. I know this is going to sound petty...but I wouldn't talk to him for awhile. It just always seems to speak more about how annoyed you are than talking about it. If he hasn't taken notice of your words before, it's time to try a new tactic. *hug* Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 Im at work. Im not going to stand him up. He can do what he likes... Im not the inconsiderate that he is. but if he thinks Im just going to roll over... Gah, Im trying not to cry... Yeah, Im not going to talk to him. If he wants to see me he can make the effort. I put so much effort into this, and I know he does too, but he has TOLD me what really annoys him and I make a point to accommodate that. He obviously doesnt have the same amount of respect for me. A TEXT MESSAGE ISNT HARD. Link to comment
jengh Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Im at work. Im not going to stand him up. He can do what he likes... Im not the inconsiderate that he is. but if he thinks Im just going to roll over... Gah, Im trying not to cry... Yeah, Im not going to talk to him. If he wants to see me he can make the effort. I put so much effort into this, and I know he does too, but he has TOLD me what really annoys him and I make a point to accommodate that. He obviously doesnt have the same amount of respect for me. A TEXT MESSAGE ISNT HARD. there is nothing that makes me angrier than being stood up. at least send a freaking text message. then you can try and make other plans. so inconsiderate. Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Don't cry! I know every time the ex did the above, I would cry a few very angry tears, and then consume myself with something else. First time, I walked VERY quickly back 4 miles to get a cab home, being angry. Second time I was in a pub so I went to the loo got it out of my system then drank. Third time I again went to the loo, then stormed off to get a cab home and be angry at him. Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 WHAT?! Seriously?! That really annoys me! I can't believe he's been so inconsiderate. Agh! Oh god he BETTER make it up to you properly. Otherwise I'm coming over there with some kind of large fish to slap him silly with. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 LOL I got "sorry" me: "not good enough, you do this all the time and you know how much it hurts" im not going to say anythin else, hes either there tonight or hes not... Link to comment
woebegone Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 He's not being nearly apologetic enough! He's treating this like it's no big deal, when it really is for you... Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Good plan. Let him stew....*evil look* If he's anywhere near good enough, by the time you see him he'll have realised that it's never ok to brush someone off without any semblance of a reason - and because it's your girlfriend makes it worse - not better! It's just so...Rude! And you know what really grinds my gears? Rude people. Like people that push in in queues. God...I'm so english... 1 Link to comment
MissTee Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 You absolutely need to put your foot down. He is being a total butthead. Link to comment
caro33 Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 yes grrr to being stood up, and I was all ready to try and put a positive spin by saying "maybe he forgot" even though that's a bit lame, but his text response was dismissive and arrogant. seems he needs taking down a peg or two, or at least he needs to understand the impact of his behaviour. Sorry EG. I wish you a happy valentine's day This is my platonic internet valentine to you! Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 He replied "yeah" I know he feels bad now, hes a total sweetheart when he knows he has hurt me, he really makes an effort to make it better. But I am SO MAD. I know he handles things differently to me, last time he did this he climbed up my fire escape with flowers. He doesnt like blurting out apologies, which is ok by me, beucase his gestures mean so much mroe than words. He hoenstly doesnt do things if he thinks it would hurt me, but he just doesnt think enough... Im not going to dump him, but he better make this up to me and he BETTER not do it again. I have moved out to his area, becuase he wanted me to, its isolated and I dont know anyone there who isnt his friend. So Im stuck. and I TOLD him how scared I was about moving out there last time he did this, he was so good about it... Now I just want to kick him Thanks guys (and thanks for the platonic internet valentines ) Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 Good plan. Let him stew....*evil look* If he's anywhere near good enough, by the time you see him he'll have realised that it's never ok to brush someone off without any semblance of a reason - and because it's your girlfriend makes it worse - not better! It's just so...Rude! And you know what really grinds my gears? Rude people. Like people that push in in queues. God...I'm so english... lol im the same... I hate IMPOLITE PEOPLE!!! -goes on killing spree- Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Aw...the fire escape with flowers..? You're not supposed to make me like him! I just hope that you can find a way to convince him that you really do honestly mean it when you say how much it upsets/annoys you. Seems like he thinks it's not something you're too fussed about. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Aw...the fire escape with flowers..? You're not supposed to make me like him! I just hope that you can find a way to convince him that you really do honestly mean it when you say how much it upsets/annoys you. Seems like he thinks it's not something you're too fussed about. Yeah, I love him for a reason, this is the only thing I would change. He does it to everyone, but its different with your partner... I still find it abhorrent with friends tho. I sent him a text last night saying not to come in to lunch if he was tired becuase he works late hours. He replied but didnt mention not coming in. then i told him to text me nad tell me what he was doing AND this morning I asked him if he was coming in and he didnt reply. it was HIM who said he should meet me for lunch as well. I dno what to do. Ill leave it up to him, he either makes an effort or not. Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Based on what you've said about him...I reckon he will be truly sorry by the time you see him. I think it just depends on what you say to him then if he changes or tries to change. He had plenty of opportunity to say he wasn't going to go...and it wasn't like he forgot to text you - he had you texting him to reply to. Like I said earlier...he better make it up to you good. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Based on what you've said about him...I reckon he will be truly sorry by the time you see him. I think it just depends on what you say to him then if he changes or tries to change. He had plenty of opportunity to say he wasn't going to go...and it wasn't like he forgot to text you - he had you texting him to reply to. Like I said earlier...he better make it up to you good. He's a genuinly good person... with a very big fault. -sigh- hes put up with my stuff, so Im not going to go awol at him... I just dont know what to say to make it clear that I CAN NOT handle this I mean, I cant, I was shaking before... im on the verge of tears and ALL I WANT is a drink gah Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 I wish I knew more people in this city so I could go out instead of going home to an empty house. I might go to the pub or somthing and have a drink on the way home Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 I wish I knew what would get through. Unfortunately when it happened to me I was always a *complete* pushover, and just accepted it. Gah...I just don't get it. I don't understand how people can think it's ok? I think you just really have to tell him when you see him that it's just something you can't deal with, and shouldn't have to. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Gah...I just don't get it. I don't understand how people can think it's ok? I think you just really have to tell him when you see him that it's just something you can't deal with, and shouldn't have to. I think thats fair... I mean, he told me what his ex did that really annoyed him, so I make an effort to not do the same things. oh, another text. "if it makes you feel any better, which it probably wont, the person I stood you up to play golf for STOOD ME UP!! the cheek of it all..." Why would he joke about it? I know its his way... but I dont see what he thinks its going to achieve. The worst thing is that Iknow as soon as I will see him I will be so happy after not seeing him for days that I just wont care. I cant stay mad at him, but I cant do THIS either, its not good for me Link to comment
DN Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Try telling him that when he is really late or stands you up it is the same thing as telling you that your time is not as important as his time. And that makes you feel that he thinks you are unimportant to him. Try doing it without anger but in a way that makes him understand how he is making you feel. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 Try telling him that when he is really late or stands you up it is the same thing as telling you that your time is not as important as his time. And that makes you feel that he thinks you are unimportant to him. Try doing it without anger but in a way that makes him understand how he is making you feel. always with the good advice!! I have the "tell him how I feel without attacking him" thing down pat... we talk really well. Its just this ONE THING I cant get him to retain. Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 He's joking about it because he really is sorry, and it trying to diffuse the tension. I do it. God...I did it right after my ex dumped *me*. My previous ex told me he's gay a few months ago, about 6 months after we broke up (fairly certain that was part of the reason). So when this ex dumped me...I said "Well...please just don't be gay. Because how would I look telling my friends I turned another guy?" Why I felt I had to make him feel better...I'm not quite sure. But that's definitely why he's joking...he feels bad already and is trying to crack the veneer of anger and hurt he knows you will have already built up. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 14, 2007 Author Share Posted February 14, 2007 He's joking about it because he really is sorry, and it trying to diffuse the tension. I do it. God...I did it right after my ex dumped *me*. My previous ex told me he's gay a few months ago, about 6 months after we broke up (fairly certain that was part of the reason). So when this ex dumped me...I said "Well...please just don't be gay. Because how would I look telling my friends I turned another guy?" Why I felt I had to make him feel better...I'm not quite sure. But that's definitely why he's joking...he feels bad already and is trying to crack the veneer of anger and hurt he knows you will have already built up. Well put!! exaclty what I know but in words... which I am finding hard to order porperly atm. I hate waiting, I suppose I will just have to wait and see what he does. But what if he doesnt do anything? Link to comment
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