HELP! He's been blowing up my phone & inbox. I found caved & responded

[NolaDarling]

so to give you a little history this is the 3rd (or 4th) time I have broken up with him. The last time we broke up (in October) we both started dating other people. We decided a few weeks ago to work things out (its hard to break the cycle and just stay away), however I don't think he ever ended things with his coworker, Maria, like he said he did. So I checked his work email and found out that I was right. So after a little over a week of NC (i'm the dumper), for the past few days he's been blowing up my phone & inbox...I finally responded to one of his emails:

 

X, stop trying to manipulate the situation. Why don't you hold yourself totally accountable for your actions? I would have had more respect for you if you came out and admitted to still dealing with/talking to/hanging out/dating(WHATEVA) Maria. Instead you lied...and continue to lie about still having anything to do with her...even after being confronted with proof. You can try to turn this around on me all you want. You can be pissed all you want about me previously checking your email. Like I said before, I DON'T CARE. If you were honest and trustworthy, I wouldn't have had to do that. So say XXXX to me about me checking your email-if you do, I'm done with this conversation because that is NOT THE ISSUE. The issue is you LIED and I had to find alternative ways to find out the truth. And even after confronted, you still wanna lie and tell me some BS, sorry XXX excuse talking about you set me up....PLEASE. What do you take me for? I guess I can't blame you though for trying that lame XXXX on me again...I mean, I have fallen for your BS time and time again in the past, right? However, that says to me that you have very little (if any) respect for me and shows total disregard for me and my feelings. "I'm not sure why you don't believe me; while I have tried to understand what I have done in the past for you to doubt my sincerity" WHAT??!! Are you kiddin' me??!! X, you have been NOTHING but TALK! You say you love me, you say you want to me with me...but your actions...they say something TOTALLY DIFFERENT. Your words mean very little to me now. What have you done to show me that you love me? I can list numerous of things that you have done to show me that you don't. Like calling me on 3-way with Maria on the phone and having her lie to me. I don't know what you told her or how you got her to go along with your BS story-but how dare you disrespect and embarrass me like that? Oh...you guys haven't talked in like 2 weeks...thats damn funny when I just read both of your emails that you had just sent THAT DAY. So thats the kinda chicks you like dealing with?! So what does all this say about you as a person and your character? That you will go to such great lengths to lie to someone you supposedly love? That you won't be a man about your XXXX and come clean when confronted with the truth?

************************************************** ****

 

So I sent that about 2 hours ago and I haven't heard back from him. While I still feel strong...for some reason I just feel like I gave him the upperhand by sending that email. I feel sad and hurt again although I was fine before I sent it. Was this a set back? Perhaps I need to start back NC? I know I need to be done with him once and for all...its just hard and I'm honestly afraid of being alone. What do I do?

[agent1607307371]

Block his address.

 

I don't know whether it was a set back or not, it will depend on whether you take the feeling of strength with you from this or the feeling of giving him the upper hand.

[itsallgrand]

In your deepest heart, what is it you are hoping he we will reply back?

 

Me either, I don't know if it is a setback or if it helped you to clarify your feelings and anger at this man.

 

But from this point forward, you can make it work for you.

 

Reading so many posts here, and in going through my own break-up - I had slips too, where I reconnected with him or left the lines hanging, instead of closing the door with no chance of going back - I've found the biggest obstacle is what we hide from ourselves.

 

Just saying, don't get too hung up on the rules or 'what you are supposed to do'.

I think it is better to focus on your insides and what is going on there.

 

Let's see if what you are setting yourself up to get hurt again...because if you are, yes, blocking him would be a good thing.

[in_the_mirror]

i say you just block him and be done with it....it doesn't matter if he thinks he has the upper hand or not, he is now in the catagory of lying cheating boyfriends and you deserve better. don't wait for a reply or anything, you don't need to, your better then that....work on moving on hun.

[NolaDarling]

Thank you guys so much for your responses...and you are all right! Its amazing how a few words of advice and encouragement can make you snap outta it and feel better! I have pretty much been staring at the computer for the past hour or so waiting for him to respond. After reading your messages, I just got up and put on my workout clothes and I'm about to head to the gym. But I had to reply to you guys first...so thank you! I have to change my perspective on the situation-its not about him having the upperhand. Breaking the NC rule was okay as it gave me the opportunity to verbalize my feelings. But I'm done talking...back to NC. And while the words in my email spoke pretty d*mn loud, I'm now going to let my actions speak even louder! Thank you guys again!