Question for the young women

[easyguy]

In your opinion, would having very few friends be a hindrance in the dating process, or are social circles just fluff?

[CarnelianButterfly]

What do you mean? Dating with the friends around or something else?

[laboheme]

Not quite sure what aspect of friendships you're asking about, but here are my two cents. I have mixed feelings about friends and relationships...On one hand, having just a few close friends enables you to really dedicate yourself to them and to the relationsihp that comes along, without all those superficial social obligations that social circles often entail. On the other hand, if one doesn't have many friends, one is more likely to become clingy in a relationship and not have a life outside of it.

 

Having a large circle of friends could potentially broaden your dating pool, since you'll be connected to more people...But then again, it's the quality that counts, not the quantitiy, and just a few close friends who know you and your needs very well could be great as far as setting you up with somebody compatible.

 

Also, if you have a lot of friends, it will be easier to integrate your significant other into the group, because the bigger your social circle, the more likely it is to overlap with his or hers, and because everybody is probably used to having new people around. A small close-knit circle could be harder to penetrate. But on the flipside, there's something to be said for keeping your relationships and your friendships somewhat separate (I'm being pessimistic here, but it makes things infinitely easier in the case of breakups...)

 

How does your social circle look from the outside? Some people are into the social butterfly types and can't imagine being with somebody who's not always around a large crowd. Others prefer more solitary types. I personally tend to distrust people who are overly social and wonder about those who are absolutely antisocial -- balance is key in my book, and I'd much rather see someone who's dedicated to just a few good friends and doesn't spread himself too thin. But it's all a matter of personal preference.

[finewhine]

Listen to LaBoheme. It's ALL a matter of personal preference. As long as you are where you want to be with respect to friends, then it's just a matter of finding someone whose comfort zone matches yours.

 

Example: one of my best friends has very few friends. Not because she's not one of the best people in the world, but because she's a big ol' introvert. She met her husband at work and he has even fewer friends than she does. They're totally happy and in love and they have the cutest, best relationship ever, spending nearly all of their time with each other.

 

I have been accused of being a social butterfly on more than one occasion. I have tried dating introverted guys but it just doesn't work. I can't relate to their shyness and they get sick of hanging out with all my friends. So, if you want only a few friends and you like a girl who's a giant extrovert, then maybe look elsewhere. Trust me - there are plenty of wonderful women who want to date a guy with very few friends. You just gotta find one hiding somewhere

[Altruist]

Agreed. To add my two cents I think one should have at least one good, dedicated friend. Having no friend at all signals a deeper-lying social ineptitude which might work against you in relationships. Think of it this way-if you cannot make a friend what makes you think you can succeed with a girlfriend? The relationship may work for the first few weeks but then you will gradually start to get back into your comfort zone where you are used to being alone. From there the relationship will disintegrate.