Goblin Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Hello all. My gf(now ex) of 10 months and I had broken up. My reason : She is rude and tries to control me. Telling me how and what a real man should be. Sometimes she can be lovely when I am nice. But when I am nice, sometimes she tend to take advantage of it. Her reason : I am abusive (which is not true, I have not hurt her physically or emotionally) because I texted her two Fs word. And she deserves better (i dont know how much a girl wants..i have been polite, chivalrous, putting aside my time for her despite my busy schedule and even when she treats me badly i talk in a courteous way. Only when its too much i started to reason things out and tell her i am angry) We have been great in the early months but when I start to see her true colors, there seems to be no mutual respect in the relationship. I am not an outlet for her to feel powerful or in control over me. The action i am taking : I decided to not contact her at all no matter how bad i feel abt it. But, should she come back to me and say she loves me, miss me or need my support then Il give her emotional support as a friend. But if she wants me back, Ill have to consider coz its up to her to take responsibility too. She is 22 and just a months older than I am. She is a Libra im a Cappie. We have nothing or none in common. Let me know your opinions. Much appreciated guys and girls.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 We have nothing or none in common. Then you are probably best not being together. Just move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie2006 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Hi there Goblin, If you have discovered that after a 10 month relationship you and your ex have nothing in common and have issues with control/abuse, I would say it's probably for the best if you cut your losses now and move on. Just my two cents. Good luck to you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddy manchester Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 We have nothing or none in common. is it just good sex?? I've never needed much in common for good sex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cantexplain Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I texted her two Fs word. Hi Goblin, You may not think texting two f words is abusive, but many do. So I think it is important for you to consider the possibility that you both have been abusive. In this way, your next relationship will benefit. By no means complete, here is a link removed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goblin Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Haha manchester, its not coz of good sex! Yeah it hurts so much. I used to cry so much in the past but you guys are right. Probably ive been abused to and i dont realise it coz Im naturally kind and very much a giver. I think I should ignore her messages and give her time to heal and move on before we can actually talk. She just asked me for sushi....after few hours ago telling me Im abusive..i dont understand. haha. I dont want to hurt her or me anymore. Thanks guys for ur opinions. Argh this hurts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cantexplain Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 sounds like you might feel as a yoyo on her string? yes an abuser will in turn say you are the abuser, once confronted. its best to be nice because in the end we'll care the most about your own actions and words. this means being nice to yourself, first, of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raheal_akh Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I guess the abuser document is a perfect doc for any body to read and analyis his/her situation. its not just the fault of the abuser but the victim too. again heathly, self-confident ppl attract healty ppl. We all need to work on our weaknesses ourselves b4 looking 4 some 1 else to complement it. It doesnt work like that. Be strong urself. I hav ben thru a similiar situation as well. she is libra and and i am taurian. I wudnt generalise it but Libran demand perfection which is not easy to find. when u pamper ur women too much it gives her a chance to mis treat u. Its true. It really is. pamper her when she aint expecting it. And again every relationship shall be based on trust,honesty and respect. Either one is missing, things will fall apart after a while. I thot I wud settle for her bad behaviour, but now I am giving 2nd thots too cos we are distant apart, hav ben in NC for 10 days. Its really hard cos some how i developed dependancy on her after we got intimate. I deeply love her but b4 I put blame on her. It was equally at fault too. Not being a strong person emotionally. I hope that helps a bit.!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvaGina Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 dont take her back she wont learn to control her manipulative behaviour if she always get what she wants... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siriana Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Libra - cappie... blaaaah... fellow Virgo speaking.... Now let's get serious! Now,why you want to be her friend if she asks for support? What are you going to achieve that way? Except bein annoyed over and over again. p.s. No more f**** messagges to anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cantexplain Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 ... its not just the fault of the abuser but the victim too. again heathly, self-confident ppl attract healty ppl. I dunno, as for fault I think the one in the abuser role is more at fault. Yet, this does not mean we should judge them, in my opinion. Nor should we judge ourselves for our own faults - just realize these are vulnerabilities to work on and, in time, eliminate. We all need to work on our weaknesses ourselves b4 looking 4 some 1 else to complement it. It doesnt work like that. Be strong urself. Yes, that is profound, I think. We are often attracted to people that complement our weaknesses. By being strong we are at least improving ourselves. In a really good relationship built accross time and with trust, honesty, and respect - often the victim's being strong can help heal the abuser, too. Oftentimes these relationships still end if the abuse has led to a great deal of mistrust. And again every relationship shall be based on trust,honesty and respect. Either one is missing, things will fall apart after a while. Yes, we give honesty. We give trust. And we share respect as we do this. Honesty seems the pin that hold everyhting together. Without honesty everything falls apart. Sounds like No Contact is helping you see more clearly: I thot I wud settle for her bad behaviour, but now I am giving 2nd thots too cos we are distant apart, hav ben in NC for 10 days. Its really hard cos some how i developed dependancy on her after we got intimate. I deeply love her but b4 I put blame on her. It was equally at fault too. Not being a strong person emotionally. I hope that helps a bit.!! Intimacy can do that! Getting better at depending on our own sense of self is what we all keep doing, I'm thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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