KissMe_KillMe Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 My boyfriend cheated on my within 6 months of us going out..he told ne and then we broke up... Then we got back together and everything was perfect.. EVERYTHING... we were talking about moving out. it was great. up until now. He came into my work and was crying asking if i could get out early because he had to talk to me... so i did.. and he was seriously crying hard and told me that he got that girl pregnant and shes about 9 weeks.. Im freaking out... ive never cried so much in my life.. He says that shes going to keep it.. and he going to be apart of its life.. and he says he still wants to be with me... im willing to be with him and i understand but im scared and im hurting and I dont know what to do or how to react... im scared that this might change everything.. I wanted US to have out first child together.. HELP ME PLEASE... im lost and scared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 so you two have only been together for 8 months then, right? you know what? I think you should just walk. you are too young to be put in the middle of some love drama triangle. and you haven't been dating him long enough to stick by him. I think this guy is more trouble than he is worth. let him focus on helping raise his new child, I think you should go and find a man who won't cheat on you and get other girls pregnant. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KissMe_KillMe Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 I know he truly cares about me... I know what he by cheating on me was seriously wrong... But i know he honestly loves and cares about me.. He says that he wants to be with me.. But he is going to take care of the kid.. I dont think I can walk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 are you ready to be a step-mother to this child? and have a relationship with her also? because he is now a "package deal." he comes with this woman and their child. you don't get to have him all to yourself anymore. what would you tell a good friend to do if she were in your shoes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunflowerFields Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Annie's right, she's making some good points. I agree with her fully. If I were in that situation I don't think I could handle the fact that he had a child with someone else. I couldn't bear being involved in that kind of thing, either, and having to see the child and know who he/she belonged to. I think your best bet is to walk, too. And another thing, once a cheater, always a cheater. There's nothing to say he won't do it again. I think you should find yourself a man who will be more loyal to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarnelianButterfly Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 He may say he wants to be with you, but he's shown that he wanted to be with her (at least enough to make a baby). This guy is only going to be more drama and stress for you. Imagine what its going to be like when there is a baby, you'll have to share him with the child. As a father he will be on call of the mother, who may feel she's entitled to his time since its his baby too. Its not going to be easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey Pumpkin Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 He came into my work and was crying asking if i could get out early because he had to talk to me... so i did.. and he was seriously crying hard and told me that he got that girl pregnant and shes about 9 weeks.. You're 19, and this is hard I can see that. I know you're not going to like our advice, and I wish I could say something nice, like 'It will all be okay'. Maybe it will - but I think there is a danger that your boyfriend is going to cling to you so that he doesn't have to face this alone. How did you feel about him cheating? Why did he cheat? Was it something that was completelyout of the blue? I suppose I am seeing red flags - either he had a casual pick up and unprotected sex (bad for you), or he had a relationship with her (and still unprotected sex). Sweetheart, I personally would not be able to deal with this. That said - if you forgave him for his infidelity, maybe the two of you can owrk through this. It's a big responsibility, and you know what? I am worried that you stand to be the person the most hurt by all this, whether it's when the baby is born or a few years down the line. Maybe that's why we are all saying 'leave him'. If you decide to stick it out, you've got a lot of horrible emotions to go through - but then, you will if you decide to leave as well. No easy answer; I think you should take a break for the weekend, and try to think about what you want. Take care - I'm sorry, though - what a horrible situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabican Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 I wouldnt be able to handle the simple fact of him having anything to do with the 'other woman'. Lets say he goes over to see the kid at the 'other womans' house. Are you going to trust him there, with her, alone after he cheated with her once? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissLissa Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 I agree with everyone else. If i was dating someone and they cheated on me and got another girl pregnant. I honestly couldnt be with them. You are young still. Having to deal with a little love triangle is not worth it that young. He may want to be with you now, but you never know what could happen when that baby is born, he may want to be with the mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siriana Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 so you two have only been together for 8 months then, right? you know what? I think you should just walk. you are too young to be put in the middle of some love drama triangle. and you haven't been dating him long enough to stick by him. I think this guy is more trouble than he is worth. let him focus on helping raise his new child, I think you should go and find a man who won't cheat on you and get other girls pregnant. good luck PERFECT ADVICE I was just getting ready to write the very same thing but Annie already did. So let me say it once again: You are joung, with future waiting for you and you deserve to live without too much baggage. And one more thing! Take into account that she is pregnant and that means he's been irresponsible about contraception. Not only that he choosed to cheat on you, but he choosed not to be carefull enough - so he wasn't worried enough about making a baby or getting STD and transmitting it to you. Also you are not mature enough for dealing with such complicated situation (some people never are, even when much older). Such situation brings too much drama for a young person like you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KissMe_KillMe Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 I guess I didnt mention that when we broke up.. they got together.. she was on birth control. But i guess something happened... at least thats what she told him. And.. I do trust him.. Yea, i didnt before.. but i honestly trust him now.. ever since we have been back together, Things for us have been wonderful. We havent fought.. he has been proving himself to me every day. He treats me wonderful. And I know that what he did was wrong.. And your right I should break up with him and get on with my life.. But is it so wrong to look at how much I love and care gor him. Ive Honestly never been so happy before in my life... And things were going awsome.. up until we found out. And Your right I dont know that he is going to stay with me when the baby is born.. nobody really knows.. But, If you could just be in my relationship right now..in my place you would see hes being honest when he says he only wants to focus on us and him taking care of this child. I told him everything that I thought and I told him that he dosent even know that he might want to be with her.. But he cried and begged and swore up and down that he wants to be with me. Is there a chance what-so-ever? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 But, If you could just be in my relationship right now..in my place you would see hes being honest when he says he only wants to focus on us and him taking care of this child. ONLY? he ONLY wants to focus on your relationship and the child? that's still a pretty tall order. newborns require a LOT of work. and I am serious about this, you would be involved also. you would also be a step-mother to the child, are you really ready for that? to be a step-mother to a child whose father had sex with this other woman during your break? It is a lot to handle for anyone, even the most mature person. i am sure that your bf is being very honest and earnest, but I think that you will be putting yourself through a world of hurt. plus, you would have to have contant contact with the child's mother also. she will forever be a part of your bf's life, like it or not. like i said, he is a package deal from now on. him + the baby + the baby's mother. "Buy 1 get 2 free", so to speak. As for "standing by your man," I don't think you two have been together long enough to warrant that. Would he stand by you if you were horribly disfigured in an accident? What if you had sex with another man during the break, and you got pregnant. Would he be standing by you still, promising to be father to this child? Why don't you ask him that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KissMe_KillMe Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 I did ask him those questions actually... he said he would stay by me....but he wouldnt trust me. he understands if I leave... but he dosent want me to.. we have been together for a little over a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daddy Bear Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 If you want to stay with him, look at it like this: lots of people in good relationships have children by previous partners, and it is not an issue. Is this so different? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sddeaston Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Ive Honestly never been so happy before in my life... I can recall at least two girlfriends in my past telling me this. I am currently single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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