truevox Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Oh, and any thoughts on link removed? I'm guessing it's full of crock, but if someone here has bought it and can claim success.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samross Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 There is NO FORMULA to making he/she come back and be the perfect person, the perfect relationship. I wouldn't pay anyone a dime for that kind of 'advice' unless it was a certified therapist, doctor, etc. that is trying to help YOU. No one has a formula for making love work. link removed and places like that claim that there is a proven formula for success in love but it is CRAP. They can offer good advice but you can't put people and there feelings into black and white. I'm an engineer and we do look at the world in black and white but when it comes to love and emotions the world is a solid GREY. Not bleak but every situation is completely different. SAVE YOUR MONEY!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truevox Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 Figured it'd be snake oil, was just hoping for a miracle, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truevox Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 Crap. I just got off the phone with her. Last night I made sure she had a new number to contact me at (I was going up to see some old friends, and they're WAY out of cellphone service). I sent her a text, something like "If you guys need me and can't reach me, try 555-1235. Later!". Just that, nothing more. I also left the number with her grandmother when I dropped our son off (who she lives with, and does a lot of our child care), in case she didn't get the text. This morning, after I texted her to confirm when I'm picking up our son (4pm today, then the REST OF THE WEEKEND 'TILL SUNDAY MORNING! YAY!), she called me and after a few exchanges of what's going on tonight re: our son, she popped the question (I was trying to get in a question about going to Toddler Play Time with them, that's why I didn't just cut the conversation after we confirmed when I was picking him up): "Where were you last night?" "Oh, just some friends" I said. "Anyone I know?" And here's where I think I screwed up. I just can't lie to her. "Just the guys" says I. Then, I follow up with the brilliant (in a not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-shed sorta way) "Why? Do I detect a bit of jealousy in your voice?". "No, just wondering". And yes, she agreed to let me go with them to Toddler Play Time this Monday, I can't wait (I need to ask because it only happens on Mondays and Thursdays, and I don't get him at all on Mondays, and not 'till 4 on Thursdays)!!! This counts as a "Waterpark/ Zoo" style outing, right? Should I have lied about where I was? Or did I do the right thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Toddler Play Time sounds like a great idea. Let me know how it goes. You did the right thing in being honest about where you were. Although it's really none of her business, but she asked so you told her. That's fine. (You could have left out the jealousy comments, but no biggie) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truevox Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 Is it a good sign that she cared where I was? I hate to say it, but I was kinda hoping to make her jealous. I... realize that isn't the most upstanding thing to do... I guess I just want her to know what I'm going through. And I most certainly will post about Play Time. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samross Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 I would take it as a good sign. Don't feel bad about asking her about being jealous. I wouldn't bring it up again because then she might think you're intentionally trying to make her jealous which can backfire big time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truevox Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 Now I've gone and done it. She called me this morning (five minutes ago) to check up on our son (when he went to bed, when he woke up, etc). After that she told me that she thought I'd probley want to know that she'd broken up with the ex-con. He didn't know it yet, but she was already dating someone from work named... and this is where I stopped her. I told her that I still had feelings for her, and I had to protect myself. If she ever wanted to talk about something not BF related, sure, great. I'll talk about college, or computers 'till I'm blue in the face with you. But can't do it any more. I'm glad you've left the other guy behind (he was unsafe, and treated you like crap). But I can't do this. I still have feelings for you. Anyway, she said she understood, and we got off the phone shortley thereafter. I then sent her a text asking if we were still on for Monday (she said yes), and then I got on my computer after putting our son down for a nap and started writing to you guys. So... I did the right thing, right? And if so, why the hell does it feel so wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 I'm so proud of you. You handled it perfectly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truevox Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 Why does it feel like I did something bad? Are you sure this won't push her away in a never-gonna-come-back sorta way? I... I really don't want to lose her forever. She's so special to me, and she's my only real way to get my son back forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 You have to stop thinking this way. She won't go anywhere as long as you're being kind to her. Speak to her in a gentle, loving voice. Give her plenty of genuine compliments. If she wants to talk to someone about the other men she's dating, she needs to go to her girlfriends or her mother. Not you! If you follow through with this, she will gain more respect for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truevox Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 She won't go anywhere as long as you're being kind to her. You're sure? Like, not Amber's-life-depends-on-it sure, but maybe an I'd-bet-a-decent-amount-of-ca$h-on-it sorta way (not that I expect you to pony up, just a frame of reference)? I'm so scared of driving her away forever. I will continue to complement her, and it's easy to speak to her in a loving voice. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siro Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 going through same thing right now except I was the majority of the problem.so i can't help you to much but I felt the the physical pain cause i want to get back with her too. nothing you can do but ride it out and be strong for your kid.There were moments were I had thoughts when my son came by that I wished we didn't have him(split second ) and have to push it out of my mind he's spending the night tonight for the first time in in 4months gonna have boys night he 9yrs give her space give her time.are the responses that I got which I'm doing. only you know your girl mine over the last few days has loosend up alittle i've been by afew times this week and the thickness in the air has diminished I feel her aura not being so negetive (study kung fu 25yrs)lived w/ her 16 sorry to to go on about me what I'm getting at is you know or you should know her. body language eyes it's all got to be looked at I'm not back with mine but the fact that she let me hang out a few times this week says alot sorry for rambling But the screaming at god and all that good stuff been there goes away after awhile be strong for the kid man which means you have to take care of you first as you can read one reason we split is that I, not agood communicator but I'm tryin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truevox Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 Don't feel bad about talking about yourself, Siro. We're all here talking about ourselves in one manner or another. Like you said, to help others, you have to help yourself first. How long does it take for the pain to fade? How long have you two been apart? And, if you don't mind me asking, is she seeing someone else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siro Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 as soon as I left September she made a trip to fl to meet this guy took my son with her.what could I do.had (a lot of thoughts) an he's been coming around every few weeks (works for the air lines) when i moved out felt no pain just a void. Until the holidays came then everything went dark especially when she told me she didn't want to be alone and he spent two weeks up here thought I would lose my mind.but I kept C.and she always answered my calls. we've been together since we were 19 we're both 37 I know my girl I know I hurt her mentally.mine needs time Does the pain fade don't know yet it's not as bad as it was in December yesterday i felt good got home from work in the morning slept an hour started to feel allitle anxiety called her to pick up the kid brought over some breakfast we hung for a few she sent me home with a plate of stew and some pound cake she made.By the way she never used to cook that was an issue I brought up to her I did all the cooking. the pain I don't know dude my stomach doesn't hurt anymore the depression doesn't last as long it comes and goes I stopped the please let me come back stuff and the cryin which was just pushing her away I just let her see happy me, but I'm not asked her to come by for dinner when she comes to pick up my son she said no.Not yet I knew she would say that I also started therapy in dec helps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truevox Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 Yeah, I can totally see flavors of what I'm dealing with in your story. We are kinda young too. Stopping the "Please Come Back" is a good piece of advice. I wish I had realized that sooner (I only really stopped a month ago, or so. So... two whole months of that pushed her pretty hard). Here's hoping for luck for us all, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truevox Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 Well, for anyone wondering how Toddler Play Time went, Matt and I had such a good time! His mother wasn't doing so good (she was really upset - she had just seen her old bf for the last time, and he called her selfish. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she sorta can be selfish), but he and I had a really good time together. I was sort of stupid. Some of the time I spent talking to her... I just have a hard time seeing her hurting and not trying to help it. Not that I expect her to, but I even foolishly told her to call me tonight if she needs me...... god, I'm bad at NC. Does it make me a terrible person that I hope she realizes how crappy these guys are compared to me and comes home? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truevox Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 I've been trying to post that top post for hours (internet problems). In the intervening time, I (again, stupidly) called her up at work, to ask how she was feeling, and to schedule time to do our taxes. I know, I shouldn't have done it. It's just so hard. I'm too weak for this stuff I think. Why does everything have to be a freakin' game? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 He's perfect! What a beautiful kid.. No, you're not a bad person. But you may be setting yourself up for failure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truevox Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 Failure? Or disapointment? Failure implies that I can effect it... so I must resolve to not fail. I'll try to be stronger. Thanks Amber. And thanks for the compliments on our little one, he's a great little fella. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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