Northalius Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 What's that have anything to do with being faithful to your partner in your mind, as compared to lusting after other people on a computer screen or magazine? If I had a video of my girl, all the more better...obviously. But, if I don't, my imagination can suffice. Can you not use your imagination? That's the difference between being committed to a person, and not being committed. If you're watching porn, and your partner hates it, you're mentally cheating on your partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicguy Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 If you're watching porn, and your partner hates it, you're mentally cheating on your partner. So let's say my significant other (if I had one) were to go to stripclubs and watched male strippers and I didn't like it, she'd be mentally cheating on me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvaGina Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 As far as I see it, what goes on int he privacy of your room when you masterbate, is no ones business but your own. as long as the porn in question isn't illigal, and your sex life isn't suffering becuase of it... then a partner has no right to interfere. Its exactly the same with sexual fantasies... a HUGE amount of women have rape fantasties, I am sure a whole bunch of guys would be very uncomfortable knowing that while in bed, their SO was thinking about being forced into sex by strangers... But if this was a thread about a guy being uncomfortable with his girlfrineds private thoughts, everyone would be calling him controlling. Let your man look at his porn, it is not affecting you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicguy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 As far as I see it, what goes on int he privacy of your room when you masterbate, is no ones business but your own. as long as the porn in question isn't illigal, and your sex life isn't suffering becuase of it... then a partner has no right to interfere. Its exactly the same with sexual fantasies... a HUGE amount of women have rape fantasties, I am sure a whole bunch of guys would be very uncomfortable knowing that while in bed, their SO was thinking about being forced into sex by strangers... But if this was a thread about a guy being uncomfortable with his girlfrineds private thoughts, everyone would be calling him controlling. Let your man look at his porn, it is not affecting you. YAY!!! good post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weary Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Sorry, but porn is a sad excuse for not physically making love to your partner. If anything, like I said above, you can simply imagine your partner in your mind while you masturbate; very simple. Too many twist and spin the issue. Sorry, I don't buy it. If anything, I consider my girlfriends mind more important to be thinking of me, more than just her physically doing it with another person. It'd kill me if I knew my girl was fantasizing about someone else when we make love. I'm not in a relationship with a woman just to physically have sex with her, but for her to commit herself to me emotionally, as well. So what is the issue....is it with porn or with masturbation? Everytime you are horny, is she expected to rush home from work/school/church/dinner whatever to satisfy you? (This is in responce to : 'Sorry, but porn is a sad excuse for not physically making love to your partner') Furthermore, who said porn was about wanting to sleep with the people on the screen? There is a difference between watching an action (ie the sex) and wishing you were 'there'. If you call porn mentally cheating then so is: romance novels, ANY movie that has a racey love sceen, dildos, vibrators, lubricants, etc. Becauese what you are saying is that *anything* that does not include *just* your current partner is cheating. I hate to tell you this....but people's minds are just that, their own. People are allowed to have their own fantasies whether they include you or not, and that doesn't equal cheating. Sometimes I fantasize about having a different job, doesn't mean I want to quit, or that my job sucks. If it would 'kill you' that your gf may think about some beau-hunk with a hazy face while masturbating, then it shows the extent of the insecurity you feel. You say you are in a relationship not just for sex, but for emotional commitment....does she love porn actors? Not likely. Emmotional commitment does not equal emotional possession. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
someones_angel Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 I used to have a problem with my bloke looking at porn.More than likely though hed just be looking at pictures of naked women.It upset me, i cried, i was jealous.I just didnt feel good enough anymore.When we were out id constantly check where he was looking and if he was looking at another woman id be hurt.I thought i must be ugly if hes always looking at pics of other women and looking at other women in the street.It became so bad that id cry constantly and i well and trully hated myself. In the end my bf suggested i see a consellor.I agreed and went anything to stop me feeling this hurt.I told the consellor everything and told me i wasnt going mad but that i was anxious and it making me worse so i had to exercise more.He asked me why i was so upset about the porn and i told him it made me feel that i wasnt good enough and that i was ugly and that my bf preffered them to me.He helped me alot and helped build my self confidence and self esteem.Now im not so bothered about the porn anymore.He actually doesnt look at it anymore. If you actually look at porn the women on them arent that pretty at all.If my bf watches porn now i actually dont care anymore. One thing that does get to me though is that men aways say porn isnt important but yet they are so quick to come up with something to defend themselves about using it. If you catch your bf looking at porn one day.surprise him walk up to the computer turn it off and tell him that you could do much better than that.or even dress up extra sexily for him and im sure he wont want to be watching the porn anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desma214 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I had a big problem with my bf looking at porn to it made me furious and I thought the same things as you why does he have to do it? But seriously its okay for them to do it do you know how great my sex life is since he has been watching it? Well its a way for them to learn new things and as for my man what he learns he teaches me and its incredible. The women in it dont mean anything to him they are just there for his enjoyment, now if its replacing you then thats a bad thing it shouldnt be like that but if not then relax its no threat if anything enjoy the fact that he gets pleased and then pleases you and surprises you with something new in the bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflowerEyes Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 ok so ive read everything and tho a lot of the things ou have said dont apply to me, but it's fine, i see your points. So, my main concern with the porn as i said is that it makes me uncomfortable. Ok, reason: it makes me think that that's what my bf wants. Those bodies doing those things to him and I'm just what he has and what he can get so he has to settle for that... that's how i feel. Then you all say, "there's a difference between looking and wanting to be there. I'ts just a visual aid.. blah blah blah." well, if it's not what you would want, then how can you get off to it? It doesn't make sense. Isn't that the point? To look at something that you would love to be a part of and that you find fascinating and get off to it? If thats the case, how can you say you don't really want those things and it's just an aid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pregnantkitty_1985 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I agree with the original poster and I definitely agree 100% with Northalius, your views on such things are great, why can't every man be the same? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pregnantkitty_1985 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 And stop insulting Northalius for his views. That's a REAL man there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeganBohemian Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 faeries: i think that that kind of thinking is what makes this even worse. the fact that you say "oh it's ok, they're guys, they're supposed to do this, its ok" is not fair. it's only giving them an excuse. im sure men wouldn't be to happy is their girlfriends were surfing the web or whatnot looking at naked men. that prob woudnt go over too well. so why is it ok for them to do it?? its not. its insulting and unfair to believe that they are allowed to do it because it is their nature. My boyfriend doesn't care if I watch porn and I don't care if he watches it. We even have watched it together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostinwilderness Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 So, my main concern with the porn as i said is that it makes me uncomfortable. Sunflowereyes, If this makes you uncomfortable then you should discuss it with your BF. You have already got a ton of different opinions from different people about weither porn is ok, so I will try not to give you another I will say that this is your relationship and you should be comfortable with it, especially the sexual parts of it. As you see by the variety of posts porn can mean a lot of different things to different people (men and women). Find out what it means to your BF and see if you are still uncomfortable with it. I believe you have the right to set boundaries that you are comfortable with. If you and your BF are so far appart that you cannot make a reasonable compromise on the subject that you can both be comfortable with, then that is a good thing to know sooner rather than later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvaGina Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 My boyfriend doesn't care if I watch porn and I don't care if he watches it. We even have watched it together. yup porn is awesome although... I did kinda ask my bf to go down on me while I watched porn and I think it freaked him out a little... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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