Lily04 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Hi guys, I just wanted to post that since my previous posts about the guy I was initially really into (but who I found out was a player), I've decided to move on and focus more on me and my self-development; mostly focusing on educational priorities and putting dating on the backburner. So I finished all my goals last week, which was super -- finished 5 essays/short papers in one week, chaired a meeting I called, and worked around 15 hrs that week. It was quite the week. And in an hour or so I'm going to this guy's b-day party, who I had a crush on a few weeks ago. I then looked at his Facebook profile today and realized I'm actually not even that physically attracted to him...I think I was mostly into him as a way of getting past Andrew (the guy who I started dating, but then nothing happened). So I'm going to his party tonight, and will meet him and his friends, and chat a bit I guess, although not flirt with him most likely. If I meet someone I find interesting there, that's fine, I may flirt a bit, as we're going out to a pub and whatever (he also invited ~100 people so it's not like he just invited me to see me or anything). But...I just realized I don't really care about dating or relationships anymore. Unfortunately this has somewhat been my attitude...always. I've always been so focused on school but since May I was trying to date more, tried online dating for a bit, become more social over the summer and fall a bit... but now I just sorta want to draw back. Do you think this is OK though? I'm just feeling a bit...I don't know, apprehensive because I am 22 and single, but inexperienced mostly because most guys i'm not into, and when I do find a guy i'm into, he's a player or unavailable and so nothing works out. But if I just go for a period of time and say 'you know what i'm not going to date... just focus on myself & school..." do you think this is healthy? Maybe it's for the best...I guess just when I see so many of my friends happy and in relationships I wish I could have that as well, but maybe I'm not ready for that yet, and should really focus more on getting myself & my life back together. Who knows how long that will take... but I think it's probably for the best... Lily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin T Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Don't let others mandate your life and goals. If you feel happy not dating and just focusing on school, don't let others make you think otherwise. If you feel like everything is as it should be, then stay the course. If not, then make some changes and date more. Trust your intuition; your little man within, on this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orlander Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 There's nothing wrong with taking a sabatical from dating. Know though, that the more practice you get the easier it is to figure out what you want out of a relationship and also the easier it is to just date. Careful not to get too comfortable with not dating becuase you can end up deciding you dont feel like dating. Orlander Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iwishiknew Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I would love to start dating every week but I feel sad and lonely when I don't have dates at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily04 Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 Thanks guys, esp. Kevin T who i haven't talked with in quite a while! Hope you're doing well. =) Anyway... yeah. I should trust my intuition. I think because I am a perfectionist it complicates things though.. and my life is already so complicated already with school, work, etc... I mean I don't want to try being in a relationship, or dating and then in a way 'failing' at that if it doesn't work out.... as it so often doesn't. In a way I'd rather just not date as well... I think the best answer right now... is to just focus on school, and make that my priority. But at the same time if someone amazing comes along who I really like, I won't pass up the opportunity... it's just the case that that someone 'amazing' is often the Ari Gold type (if anyone watches Entourage lol) and happens to have 5 other girls at the side or something... which i don't like. (To be honest, Andrew the guy I dated, reminded me quite a bit of Ari and I didn't even realize it because i don't watch the show!! I just noticed he joined the Facebook group "Ari Gold is my hero" and then I looked up who he was, and saw that they're quite similar...except I think Andrew is likely smarter..) but anyway. Otherwise if there's not an amazing guy who comes along, i'm not going to put myself out there and go clubbing, etc. every weekend or try to meet guys because I don't really have time for that, and don't really want to try anyway...I don't think I need to date to be happy right now I guess... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quietgrl Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I would love to start dating every week but I feel sad and lonely when I don't have dates at all. I just want the experiences of going on a date but i'm fine not dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily04 Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 I just want the experiences of going on a date but i'm fine not dating. why do you need 'experience'? this isn't like a job, where you need experience... if you're a social and attractive person (which i'd say i am...) why do you need experience with flirting and talking with people, which is pretty much what a date is? do you mean you want experience dating and being in a relationship? I'd like that too, but most guys, after 1-2 dates i realize i'm bored of, and dump so it's unlikely that will happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 There is nothing wrong with dating many people and weeding them out until you find the right person. I think you're doing fine there. If there's a problem, it's that you let your expectations be to high per person. I'd suggest not having any expectations beyond just getting to know the other person. That way you can't be disappointed. Then sooner or later, you'll meet the right person and all will workout. I think you've been rather successful at dating because you've been getting dates and separating the chaff from the wheat. Keep at it and you'll get to the wheat sooner or later. There's no reason to be discouraged. You're doing great. However, there is also nothing wrong with withdrawing, regrouping, and taking a break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily04 Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 Thanks charley. are you the same charley who messaged me earlier, this summer? I suppose I was discouraged because when I do meet a guy I really like, I would like to continue dating them, but have been left disappointed with that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpc28655 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I can sympathize with you on this. I have not dated once since me and my wife split (just over a year). I just don't care anymore. My closest friends say that will change. Of course it will change, but not today, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Thanks charley. are you the same charley who messaged me earlier, this summer? I suppose I was discouraged because when I do meet a guy I really like, I would like to continue dating them, but have been left disappointed with that... Yes, I am. There's only one Charley spelled "ley". You may also call me Onebrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily04 Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 I see. How have you been? =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily04 Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 I'm actually thinking of not even going out to the party now. I'm just feeling really tired, my feet kill from walking all day, i'm feeling sorta antisocial anyway as i'm just not in the mood... but all my coworkers will be there, and pretty much most of the law school, so it would be a good networking opportunity. What do you think? Go home or stick it out and feel tired all the night... might not make the best impression anyway... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin T Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Flip a coin. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quietgrl Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 why do you need 'experience'? this isn't like a job, where you need experience... if you're a social and attractive person (which i'd say i am...) why do you need experience with flirting and talking with people, which is pretty much what a date is? do you mean you want experience dating and being in a relationship? I'd like that too, but most guys, after 1-2 dates i realize i'm bored of, and dump so it's unlikely that will happen. Most men i come accross aren't looking for a long term girlfriend or wife and i'm no man casual sex sex buddy.I don't date because of those reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin T Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Of course, not ALL men are like that. You just seem to have bad luck with finding the decent ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily04 Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 Flip a coin. lol I decided to go to the party. Had a fun time, glad I went. But now it's 4:00 am and i'm tired, so I can't say more. Hope everyone had a good night! =) Lily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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