Question About Being A Gold Digger....

[Iceman26]

For the guys: What would make you think a woman IS only after you for financial gain or just to have someone take care of her?

 

 

Looking forward to the comments....

 

I once went on a date with a girl who said she wouldn't get into a relationship with a guy with a FICO score lower than 660. Seriously.

 

I can only speak from experience here, but I could tell from the types of questions the suspected gold-diggers asked, the way they acted in public, comments they made about others, etc.

[rocio]

Also, how come the women in their twenties in your area are ignorant about the business world?

 

I'm pretty sure they're not.

 

This stereotype really bothers me. I don't know if there's any truth to it but the women I know are quite knowledgable about the business world.

 

On several occasions I've had men make comments implying that I must be clueless about that stuff. The most recent - I was purchasing a copy of the economist and another magazine about the african economy. The man behind me in line asked, "those must be for your boyfriend, hey?". I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise, so I just nodded and smiled at him with that cute, dumb look in my eyes.

 

Another time I was sitting next to a guy on a plane and I asked if I could read his newspaper. Immediately I took out the business section. He looks over and says, "wow, you must be really bored." I asked why. He said, "well, I'm sure it's not every day that you read the business section of the paper." I told him I wanted to check if the central bank was giving any indication of lowering interest rates. He laughed in a patronising way and started to lecture me about the role of the central bank. I eventually became fed up and had to chip into the conversation. He became confused and I had to finally tell him that I had a masters in economics with a specialization in monetary economics. Poor guy.

 

Sometimes I feel like I have a big sign on my head that says, "DUMB BLONDE".

[Dilly]

Glad to see that you two are being brazen about the stereotypes. Like sports, business and fashion have their followers and it may have a certain demographic, but who cares?!

 

Anyway, I think the guy asking her if she's into his money is similar to a woman asking the guy if he would be into her if she a) didn't have striking blonde hair b) a nice toosh c) big boobs? I mean, in a way, we all use each other for whatever gratification we can derive.

[annie24]

I once went on a date with a girl who said she wouldn't get into a relationship with a guy with a FICO score lower than 660. Seriously.

 

I would never ask such a question, but I can see where she is coming from. You don't need a lot of money to get a good FICO score, just good credit habits. A man with a low score may indicate someone who isn't stable or organized with this life, and that is definitely something to think about when you are dating someone.

[annie24]

I rarely have those experiences. And if I do, I would tilt my head, smile at them, and give them the "deer in the headlights look" as if to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, is that a joke? I must have forgotten to laugh...." And then go back to whatever I was doing.

[Scout]

I think the question asked by this guy is two-fold. On the one hand, I think he is simply asking the question because he's using this as a reason to be hesitant to move forward in the relationship. Kind of like as a crutch. A good excuse to not open himself up more.

 

On the other hand he is also, in a way, gloating about the fact that he has a lot of money. I'll bet it makes him feel good to be able to say that, because it's obvious that he don't feel comfortable about who he is strictly as a person. Sounds insecure to me.

 

Wow, both of the main points you give here sound dead-on!

[DN]

It could also be that he has fallen in love with a woman or two in the past and has been disappointed to find they were in fact after his money. He may feel as if he just wants to 'cut to the chase' before he gets hurt again.

 

Just imagine what it would be like to never be sure that someone loves you for yourself rather than for what you can do for them.

[Scout]

 

Just imagine what it would be like to never be sure that someone loves you for yourself rather than for what you can do for them.

 

Then maybe he shouldn't advertise he's loaded right off the bat.

[DN]

Then maybe he shouldn't advertise he's loaded right off the bat.

Not necessarily an easy thing to do - unless he presents himself as something he is not.

[Scout]

Ok, here's another idea...he could start dating women who have their own means, so he doesn't have to worry about it. If that indeed is the true motivation behind his question.

[keefy1972]

Makes no difference scout. Insecure people will always find a crutch of some sort to lean on. His happens to be money. If he didn't have alot he'd figure something else to use, like "you only want me because I have a huge penis". Point being there is always going to be a roadblock for guys like this.

[cpc28655]

Been there, done that. I was married to a person that could not keep a job. I was even working 2 jobs at one point while she sat around and ate toast and apple butter all day. After 5 years, I couldnt take it anymore.

 

I suppose there is nothing wrong with an aragment like I just described, but it's not for me. I prefer an equal relationship.

[charley]

Then maybe he shouldn't advertise he's loaded right off the bat.

 

I agree with Scout. If I was loaded, I'd act like I wasn't. Why advertise it? There's nothing dishonest about keeping that info private. I know many wealthy people who drive older cars and their modest residences don't show money.

 

Then there's also the wealthy ones who have expensive cars and/or residences. Now I always figure they want to show it off since they are. So if they choose to show it off, it's pretty hypocritical and ridiculous of them to then complain about a woman knowing he has money. If you don't want people to know, then stop showing it off. Simple.

 

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The female equivalent is women who have good figures and dress to show it off, and then complain that men notice, or complain that they can't trust men's motives. Equally hypocritical and ridiculous.

 

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If you show off your assets, people will notice, or might notice, or you'll wonder if they notice. Then you'll never know for sure why they like you. They might be totally honorable, but you'll still wonder. This is a good argument for being modest and not showing off, or not showing anything until after you know the person really likes you for you.

 

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However, as someone earlier pointed out, some people use these concerns as crutches, or excuses, not to trust others, not to get close to others. So I think some people like having these type concerns and intentionally put themselves in situations where they can question the other person's motives.

[Lily04]

I agree. I would be insulted, and indeed have been in the past when some of my friends (not guys i was dating) insinuated i might have just been interested in them because i tend to date older guys... umm have you ever thought that the reason might be because I like more mature guys who are more focused on things other than just having sex like most 21-23 yr old guys, not just money??! especially since i'm a very goal-directed and academic person myself, i do find it insulting and have directly told them that.

[afonselaca]

Ok, here's another idea...he could start dating women who have their own means, so he doesn't have to worry about it. If that indeed is the true motivation behind his question.

 

You would think. Actually he belittles her in his head because she couldn't possibly make what he makes. She'll never be equal moneywise.

[Lily04]

You would think. Actually he belittles her in his head because she couldn't possibly make what he makes. She'll never be equal moneywise.

 

then SHE should dump HIM if he belittles her. I wouldn't put up with that, regardless of how much the guy made... my self-respect is worth more.

[Iceman26]

I would never ask such a question, but I can see where she is coming from. You don't need a lot of money to get a good FICO score, just good credit habits. A man with a low score may indicate someone who isn't stable or organized with this life, and that is definitely something to think about when you are dating someone.

 

While I agree with what you are saying, telling someone this on a first date I felt was a bit much.

[Scout]

While I agree with what you are saying, telling someone this on a first date I felt was a bit much.

 

First date?? I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and I've NEVER asked him this. And thank God, he hasn't asked me either!

[annie24]

While I agree with what you are saying, telling someone this on a first date I felt was a bit much.

 

yeah, you are absolutely right. i've never asked a guy for his fico score! LOL. on the other hand, if a guy TOLD me straight out what it was and i didn't ask, and it was bad, i might be concerned....

[poloplayer]

I don't know why women in their 20s are less aware of certain things. Go ask them. Pick 5 women at random who are from 20 to 24, then another 5 who are from 25 to 29 and ask them to name the top 10 business people in their local area. How many could name 3?

 

Women (and men) outside of my firm = I can't think of one that can reach 3. Women I work with...just about all of them can name many more than 3.

 

over 50% of college students these days are female

 

True, but that doesn't make someone smart or knowledgeable. As long as you have at least a C- GPA and money, most schools will accept you. I've met dumb graduate students as well.

 

... "wow, you must be really bored." I asked why. He said, "well, I'm sure it's not every day that you read the business section of the paper." I told him I wanted to check if the central bank was giving any indication of lowering interest rates. He laughed in a patronising way and started to lecture me about the role of the central bank...

 

That must be frustrating, but if it bugs you just do what you've been doing. Put them in their place, but not in a condescending way. I'm a guy and I do this plenty. People base things off a first impression, and what your conversations are like, how you dress, etc. I look like a kid and act non-professional outside of work, so naturally people assume that I am a freshman/sophmore in college. When they ask what college I go to I tell them what I do for work and they are shocked/maybe impressed.

 

I don't think this is a pure gender issue. Most people (esp. in 20's)wouldn't know anything about open market operations, economic indicators, or how supply and demand works. Most business majors don't even understand economics. Ask someone who just finished a micro-econ class to explain the concept of elasticity. I doubt 50% can.

 

I think lot's of it is due to personal interests and division of labor. People specialize in what they like or interests them.

[Scout]

True, but that doesn't make someone smart or knowledgeable. As long as you have at least a C- GPA and money, most schools will accept you. I've met dumb graduate students as well.

 

In regards to your comments on my college graduates remark...you're right. I just pulled that example out because I was thinking in terms of people getting degrees and then going into business, but it probably wasn't the most relevant comparison. Plenty of businesspeople, both men and women, who have success careers and/or their own companies, who never get a degree. And there are certainly some less than intelligent people who have.

[charley]

I earlier posted that gold diggers are rare and harmless. Well, they are rare since most women are better than that. They are harmless to me personally, and to many guys who have some intuition and sense with women. A native mistrust is a good survival trait. I have that mistrust until the facts are in.

 

However, there are also vulnerable, naive, trusting men who have money and are lonely and defenseless to gold diggers. These guys can fall in love with them.

 

My dad told me a true story about a guy he was friends with. The guy had a lot of money and a successful business. He was a millionare. He was married and totally devoted to his wife, who seemed OK. However, his business failed and he went bankrupt. His wife complainted and berated him constantly about his business failure and how she hated being broke. She told him she hated him for losing all their money, and things like that. She said she was leaving him and wanted a divorce. He made all that money, not her. Who is she to talk to him like that? What happened to her love? It appeared to vanish with the money, but in reality it apparently was never there. He continued to love her though. I mean he was still crazy in love with her.

 

He told my dad that he wanted to kill himself so that his wife could collect on his life insurance policy. My dad called another friend to come talk to this poor man. My dad and this other friend tried to talk some sense into him. They told him that she never loved him anyway and thereforeeee she's no loss. He wouldn't listen. He loved her so much he didn't want to live without her. He felt guilty for losing their money. My dad and the other friend told him that life insurance wouldn't pay on a suicide anyway, so just forget it and move on. They did everything they could to console him.

 

A week later he was killed in an accidental gasoline fire in his back yard. The fire department concluded that he was pouring gasoline into his hot lawn mower engine and somehow got gasoline all over himself and the hot law mower and it ignited. He was burned alive and died on the scene.

 

The insurance company never questioned that it was an accident because who would burn themself alive on purpose? We don't know what actually happened since we were not there. We can only guess. His poor grief stricken, crying widow eventually collected on a huge life insurance policy. His wife does not know her husband had confided in friends.

 

FYI - this true story happened a few years ago in my local area.

 

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While the vast majority of women are good people with a strong sense of fair play, honor, and decency, a small minority of women are vile human beings who use men and couldn't care less if the man loves her. In this case, he loved her to death.

 

So gold diggers are not harmless. They ruin and destroy the lives of men who cannot, or will not, see them for what they are. A man who see's them for what they are can choose to avoid them (as I do); or use them for sex as one of my employers and bosses does. A man who does not see them for what they are can fall in love with a gold digger and have his life destroyed. Even lose his life.

 

I just recently (few months back) saw on news where this man fell in love with a gold digger he met online. He went on a vacation with her in another country and ended up being tortured by her and her BF into giving all his bank account numbers and passwords, etc. When they'd emptied his accounts, they murdered him. They were caught later.

 

I earlier said gold diggers are harmless and comical. Well, they are to me because I'm immune since I reognize them and I don't currently have enough money to be worth their trouble. So I'm immune and can laugh about their antics with me, when I very occasionally run into one. I only very occasionally run into one (like once a year), and when I do, it's a case of mistaken identity where they've mistook me for someone with money. I quickly make them realize they're not barking up a money tree. So they are harmless to me personally.

 

However, they ruin some other men. Men with money who are naive and loving, and fall in love with them and trust them. That is a disaster in the making.

[Weary]

Don't foget ladies and gents, that a woman can be a gold-digger without the guy having tons of money. They don't have to be millionaires, or rich. They can be blue collar, middle-class. The point is, is that woman is only dating him for the money/gifts/trips/accessories etc.

 

Regarding your friend...

 

I am not sure if you have asked her...or already know the answer from her telling you....but we have to look at the motivation. Meaning..is he asking because every other woman he has dated has been after his cash? Is he asking because everytime they go out she never offers to pay for anything? Does he lavish gifts/money on her and she soaks it up like a sponge? Is he flashing his money around arrogantly (expensive car, clothes, watch, house etc)? Does he have a tendency to be overly generous? Does he brag?

 

Some women would be offended. Some wouldn't. However, I equivicate this to women asking if he is only dating them for sex. Many women ask and wonder about their partner's motivation.

[Batya33]

I think it is my obligation if I want to date not to subject my partner to my baggage - it's not fair to ask a partner if he/she is only in it for sex or after me for my money etc just because I have had the misfortune of meeting a few men like that - or many men. I haven't - it's just a hypothetical- but when I hear a generalizing statement like that - which I do about my chosen career at times and have heard it about my ethnic background - my first instinct is to run for the hills because I deserve to be treated like an individual and given a clean slate when the person first meets me and gets to know me.

[Scout]

Well, since the thread is now moving towards the general subject of "golddiggers," I will point out here that men, just as well as women, can use their partner for money. I've seen it happen in real life, and I've seen stories of it here on eNotalone.

 

So, I would hope that when people hear or say the word "golddigger," they are not just associating the term with women only.