Question About Being A Gold Digger....

[Lady Bugg]

I have a question...

 

For the ladies: How would you feel or react if you were dating a guy who made a substantial amount of money...yet you NEVER asked him for anything ..and he asked you if you were just interested in him for his money?

Would you be insulted? Would you be honest if you were??

 

For the guys: What would make you think a woman IS only after you for financial gain or just to have someone take care of her?

 

 

Looking forward to the comments....

[annie24]

I have a question...

 

For the ladies: How would you feel or react if you were dating a guy who made a substantial amount of money...yet you NEVER asked him for anything ..and he asked you if you were just interested in him for his money?

Would you be insulted? Would you be honest if you were??

 

For the guys: What would make you think a woman IS only after you for financial gain or just to have someone take care of her?

 

 

Looking forward to the comments....

 

I would be pretty insulted. I make my own money, I am doing just fine. I would think that he has a pretty negative view of women and probably himself. (ie, he isn't thinking that a woman might like him for who he is!)

[Batya33]

I agree with Annie24 - that comment has a huge "ick!" factor.

[charley]

If you'd never asked him for money or expensive gifts, then he had to business asking you that. It was rude of him to ask.

 

I have a question...

 

For the ladies: How would you feel or react if you were dating a guy who made a substantial amount of money...yet you NEVER asked him for anything ..and he asked you if you were just interested in him for his money?

Would you be insulted? Would you be honest if you were??

 

For the guys: What would make you think a woman IS only after you for financial gain or just to have someone take care of her?

 

 

Looking forward to the comments....

[Scout]

It depends. Because even if you never ask someone for anything, but let them pay all the time, I can see why they might wonder.

 

But this is just a hypothetical guess. I've never seriously dated anyone with a great deal of money, largely because they're usually so consumed with the subject, and tend to value it much more than they do other qualities.

 

Sorry if I've just offended any rich people out there.

[Lady Bugg]

Well I asked this question because someone I know is dating a guy who ..while not filthy rich, is well off. She said he told her he asked her that because he had met some women who WERE gold diggers, and he just wanted to make sure she was interested in more than his money.

 

I persoanlly thought this was an interesting question because would anyone REALLY admit to dating a guy because he's loaded??

[Scout]

I find it more interesting he admits to a history of dating women he perceives as golddiggers. And that he even has to ask her that question. Unless he's a total idiot, does he honestly think a real golddigger would tell him the truth, anyway? If I was your friend, I'd examine the deeper motivations behind that question. Personally, I think the guy enjoyed verbalizing his true opinions about women to another woman. Ick.

[EddieRentz]

that's like asking someone if they are a cheater because you've been cheated on in the past... shows at the very least he lacks tact... probably has baggage...

[charley]

I can't imagine asking someone that, even if I were rich, which I'm not.

 

However, I have had local women get all excited a couple times when they found out I was the founder of a certain software company. Then they got all let down when I told them I'm not wealthy and I'd sold the company to pay off my medical debts and now I'm just the manager for the current owner and make a decent enough living to get by after paying my ongoing medical bills each month. i.e. - I'm making a living. That's it. These type women are very transparent and their disappointment is plain to see.

 

The vast majority of women are so much better than that.

 

I do have future plans to continue building myself financially and those are underway and ongoing. I want to become well off by my own hand. However, I never mention that to local women because they don't need to know. My dad has a lot of money and some day my sister and I will have that, but here again, I don't mention that to local women because it's none of their business. Many of them do know who my dad is, but most women don't think that way. My lack of dates proves that.

 

Gold diggers are a small minority of the female population. Like maybe only 1% or 2% in my opinion. Most women are much better than that. The very few gold digger types I've met are transparent about it. So there's no need to ask any questions.

 

If a guy really wanted to test a woman, the best way would be to tell her he's soon going to be bankrupt and don't spend much money on her, or none. Then see if she still likes him. Asking her intentions is just dumb, insulting, and tacky. However, I don't think it's necessary to test women. I think most of them are good and honorable and this shows in their personality and character.

[Scout]

The vast majority of women are so much better than that.

 

Thanks for noticing.

[Aurian]

If I dated a financially well-off man and he accused me of that, I would be rather offended. I expect to pay my own way unless the guy offers to treat me, and I do not have expensive tastes when it comes to dining or entertainment. Those things alone should indicate that I am not interested in money, but having a low-key good time with someone.

[Lady Bugg]

Well he didn't accuse her of it, he ASKED her if he wasn't as well off would she still be interested in him. Is that the same as thinking she is?

[Scout]

Well he didn't accuse her of it, he ASKED her if he wasn't as well off would she still be interested in him. Is that the same as thinking she is?

 

It's not accusing her, but it's still an insulting question to ask, just because by asking it, he's implying there is a possibility she is. If he has any doubts, why the hell is he even dating her.

[Lady Bugg]

That was MY question Scout....exactly. I was insulted FOR her

[Scout]

Wasn't she??

[annie24]

Well he didn't accuse her of it, he ASKED her if he wasn't as well off would she still be interested in him. Is that the same as thinking she is?

 

whenever I get odd questions like those, I just ask, "uh.... what are you trying to ask me?"

[Lady Bugg]

I think she was insulted Scout, but I think she needed validation for FEELING insulted. Maybe because she wasn't sure if she was over reacting. Anyway...she said she did send him a message explaining that she was insulted by his comment, and that if he feels that way then they should part ways now. I think she did the right thing.

[charley]

Thanks for noticing.

 

I do notice the inherant goodness and respectability of most women. It's a fact.

 

In my local area, the middle age and older folks all know either my dad or me or both. However, among the younger women, most don't know much about the business world, not even the local business world. So I see how women in their 20s who never heard of me treat me vs those who have heard of me or my dad. 98% of the time they treat me the same. I don't think they even give it a thought. My women friends always insist on paying half or taking turns paying. So I don't have to ever wonder about them. I trust them. Some of my women friends have better incomes than I do, especially disposable incomes considering that I must spend so much on ongoing medical expenses.

 

The other 2% of women (gold diggers) are comical. They get excited because I founded that software company, or they get excited because they think I'm my father since he uses a 25 year old picture in the paper and every 3rd page of the phone book for his ads. I look more like his picture now than he does. Then I give them the let down. Sorry, but I'm not rich from the software company, or sorry but you have me confused with my father who is married anyway and doesn't share his money with me. Either way, their disappointment is written all over their face and demeaner.

 

Several of my platonic women friends younger than me, my age, and older than me have suggested that I not let them down, but instead play along and get laid as many times as possible before the truth becomes evident. That is sometimes a very tempting idea, but it's just not in my character to do that. I don't want to date or sleep with a woman unless she wants me, not some idealized thing I'm not.

[Scout]

How do these women find out you were the original founder of the software company? Also, how come the women in their twenties in your area are ignorant about the business world?

[afonselaca]

..and he asked you if you were just interested in him for his money?

Would you be insulted? Would you be honest if you were??

 

 

Okay, I've been asked that. I replied that I have been in a similar situation in the past (16 yrs ago) involving a prenup and told the entire story. Although I never answered the question, I used the story to get my point accross. Obviously I didn't marry the guy in the story.

 

I was insulted because it means he didn't perceive my character correctly. I also didn't tell him outright that it was insulting but chose instead to tell him the story since we were sitting in a restaurant.

 

It puts a strain on everything if the woman is worried about how she'll be perceived and the man is interested in uncovering motivations. Not good all the way around.

[charley]

How do these women find out you were the original founder of the software company? Also, how come the women in their twenties in your area are ignorant about the business world?

 

I don't know why women in their 20s are less aware of certain things. Go ask them. Pick 5 women at random who are from 20 to 24, then another 5 who are from 25 to 29 and ask them to name the top 10 business people in their local area. How many could name 3?

 

I have a good and high opinion of women, in general. Please don't berate me for noticing that certain age groups are less aware of certain things. It's a fact. I don't know why. Go interview 10 women in their 20s in your area like I described above and you'll see for yourself.

 

How do they know I'm the founder? Because my business card still says that I'm the owner. We deal with customers online mostly, only occasionally local real estate agents, developers, brokers, lenders, and CPAs, and often their receptionists. However, mostly online with those same types of people all over the country. So I have little local contact with local customers since most of our customers are online. So I have few opportunities to hand out business cards. thereforeeee, my supply of busines cards is years old and will last another year at least. The cards were printed years ago when I still owned the company and it says "owner" above my name. So that makes them think I still own the company, so I explain that I used to own it because I was the founder, but I later sold it.

 

I suppose your next question is why would I be handing my business card to a young woman? It's the handiest way to give someone my phone number and email for personal reasons or for business reasons.

 

Like when I'm making an appointment at some office some place, or yes, the beauty parlor. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I get a manicure once in a while.

 

Also, when I was getting the manicure, they can't ever just let me sit there quietly, as I've tried to do sometimes. Nope. They want to know what I do, what I've done, etc. They sometimes already recognize my name because of my father, but maybe not. When they want to know what I do for a living, I then have two choices, I could refuse to answer and look like I do nothing, or hand them my software business card and explain. If I don't tell them about the software company, then it looks like I've not done much with my life. If I do tell them about it, then I'm apt to show my card, which then might give them ideas the other way. If I told about the software company without showing my card, I doubt they'd believe me.

 

Really, I'd be just as happy to sit there and say nothing, but they have questions and are trying to be nice. I want to be nice in return. So information comes out and they might jump to conclusions before they have the whole story.

 

Same thing can happen at the dentists office, or other situations.

 

It's not like I want to go around bragging, but when they ask me what I do or have done, I don't want to sit there and say nothing and look like a loser. I'm not a millionare and I'm not a deadbeat loser either. However, some women jump to conclusions either way. If I give no info then they assume the worst. So I end up having to explain, but sometimes they start getting dollars in their eyes before I'm finished explaining. It's not my fault.

 

I have a good opinion of 98% of women, and the other 2% are comical and harmless. I wish you'd extend me the same consideration and have a decent opinion of me.

[Scout]

I just asked you two questions. It's true I found your comments about young women being ignorant of the business world odd, as over 50% of college students these days are female. I've been in the business world for years, and there are countless young women who are in it. Young women and young men. But to be honest, I can't think of three top business people in Denver, now that you mention it, and I'm 37. Maybe because I'm a freelancer and most of my clients are out of state, and I'm not much of a networker now that I work from home. But I digress...

 

As for your business cards, if you rarely have to pass them out, then I could see why you would delay ordering new ones, as it's a hassle. But you implied in one of your previous posts that the mistaken belief you were the owner of the company was a somewhat frequent one, and I guess in your shoes I'd just bite the bullet and get new cards, rather than have to repeatedly go through the explanation time and time again you're not actually the owner. Especially if you're having to explain that to business clients.

 

But, to each their own. And now that we've both aired our opinions, shall we call it even and a truce?

[charley]

OK. No harm, no foul. I'm not meeting women business students though. If I were, might be different.

 

As for explaining that I'm not the owner, I don't bother to explain to business contacts. They don't need to know because it's not relevant to them. I only explain that if a young woman gets the wrong idea and starts thinking I'm uber rich, then I explain that I don't own the company anymore and that I'm not rich. Otherwise I don't explain since there's no reason to.

 

As I said, most women are very respectable and don't have a gold digging impluse in them. It's only very rarely that I run into one. Like maybe twice a year at most, possibly only once a year. Just often enough to see it occasionally.

 

Most women really are totally respectable in their character and sense of honor about not using a guy for money. I really mean that.

 

I guess it's sometimes frustrating to me because if I say nothing, they think I'm unemployed or something, but if I tell the story, then they might get the wrong idea, either the idea I'm rich, or the idea that I'm bragging. So look at my choices: say nothing when they ask what I do and look like a deadbeat, or tell my story and risk either them thinking I'm rich and getting ideas, or thinking I'm a braggard. It's a minefield for me no matter whether I keep silent or tell my story.

 

I also work for my dad's real estate development company doing highly skilled things that no one else in the county, aside from R.E. developers, or programmers, know how to do. Yet why would I bother telling a woman I work for my dad? That doesn't sound very good at all.

 

Anyhow, I'm fine with you Scout. Your last post made me feel better. Thanks. Truce.

[Day_Walker]

As a guy if you cannot tell when a girl is a gold digger and is only into you for a free ride or what you provide her then you deserve exactly what you get. It is not hard to tell when a girl is a gold digger, look at her actions, look at her dating history and you will find all you need to know. Sol there is no reason to ask that question because if she is smart then she will lie.

Personally I dont think there is anything wrong with a guy wanting a gold digger, if he is aware that he is dating her and he is getting what he wants in return then it is a fair trade.

I would feel sorry for any female that thought I was going to take care of her, she might go in believing that she was going to get something but she actually was not. I will be no ones free ride.

[keefy1972]

I think the question asked by this guy is two-fold. On the one hand, I think he is simply asking the question because he's using this as a reason to be hesitant to move forward in the relationship. Kind of like as a crutch. A good excuse to not open himself up more.

 

On the other hand he is also, in a way, gloating about the fact that he has a lot of money. I'll bet it makes him feel good to be able to say that, because it's obvious that he don't feel comfortable about who he is strictly as a person. Sounds insecure to me.