Family Friend Disinvited to Wedding

[RelaxByWater84]

I'm asking this on behalf of a friend of a friend.

There is a guy and a girl who are friends, maybe not anymore, their parents are all friends who grew up with each other. Let's call the girl Z and the guy X. Z and X grew up with each other and have been best friends. Several years ago a girl who I will call Y came into the picture. X and Y started going out and after two years of dating X proposed to Y. Z had been distancing herself from X after he and Y started dating. Now X and Y are getting married in a few weeks. Z and her family were invited to the wedding and Z's mom sent in the RSVP. However just this past week Y called and left a message on the Z's family's answering machine to say Z was not welcomed to the wedding anymore, the other family members are still welcomed. Z had to make a lot of changes to her work schedule to be able to attend the wedding. She doesn't know what to do. She is very hurt. Then X called to say that he wanted Z at his wedding. She is very confused right now. Can anyone here offer me any advice to give to my friend to give to her, please??

[Iceman26]

If I were your friend I would give X a call and ask him why Y doesn't want Z there, and if X wants Z to go the wedding, he had better straighten some things out with Y.

 

However if I were Z I doubt I would go to a wedding where either the bride or the groom didn't want me there.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think X needs to be the one to decide if his old friend should be able to come. It sounds like Y is just being a jerk and can't handle that X and Z are friends.

[confused25]

Maybe Y is jealous of Z because of X AND Z's past. Seriousy though, like Iceman said, if I know that one of them does't want me to be at the wedding, I'd prolly not want to show up.

[RelaxByWater84]

Z is leaning towards not attending. She doesn't want to call X because she doesn't want to put him in that position. It's just hard for her because everyone else wants her to be there and that it is a family friend situation.

[keenan]

I can only assume that Y is jealous of her fiance's formerly close female relationship. My advice to your friend would be to send a gracious and sincere card wishing the new couple all the happiness in the world. This should include a very brief and tactful apology for being unable to attend the wedding due to a prior engagement. Brevity and class are key, here. Your friend shouldn't give into the temptation to be bitter or dramatic. Everyone is aware of the real situation. If worded right, her friend will understand and appreciate the face-saving opportunity that has been given to him, and his fiance will be relieved and happy....(added to say ~ and she'll look petty...an added bonus.)

[Iceman26]

The reason I suggest not attending is because if Y is gutsy enough to call Z's house to disinvite her, that tells me that Y is the type of personality to create a scene at her and X's wedding.

 

Frankly, I wouldn't go because I would want X to have a good wedding with as few issues as possible because apparently X is marrying an idiot who likes drama.

[renaissancewoman101]

I think Z should still go. This is a family thing and her family would be going so her not going would be weird. Also X still wants her to go Y is the one that is being the cad here.

 

If she does go, I would say just avoid X and Y as much as possible, but do be the bigger person and give them nice wedding wishes but dont really talk to X without Y being there since Y seems to be a bit hyper-worried about things.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I think that the person who said she wasn't invited is awful, and I would certainly tell the guy what had happened. But no way would I go to a wedding if either one didn't want me there - I think it's their day, and also I would not want a scene, cold glances etc. I think I would make my excuses, and wish them all the luck in the world together (sub-text being: they're gonna need it!). I think sometimes you have to show dignity and class by not turning up, and just shrugging your shoulders and moving on. Their loss.

 

Horrible thing to happen though.

[flower99]

Wow, for Y to call & uninvite Z and go so far as to say she is unwelcome, that is HUGE.

For me to do something like that...It would have to be deeper than jealousy...if it were jealousy , she wouldn't have been invited to begin with....but she was - and then she was told she was unwelcome.... I have a feeling there is more to this story.

As to why she is unwelcome....maybe she 'wronged' Y is some form?

either Y is incredibly insecure & jealous & loves drama...or there is more to this that is untold.

[renaissancewoman101]

I think "Y" is a drama queen and being petty. The other lady was good friends with the guy and pulled back when "Y" came in the picture. So "Y" really doesnt have a leg to stand on about telling "Z" not to come. "Z" is a family friend and family friends do attend weddings.

 

what a crock.

[DN]

I can only assume that Y is jealous of her fiance's formerly close female relationship. My advice to your friend would be to send a gracious and sincere card wishing the new couple all the happiness in the world. This should include a very brief and tactful apology for being unable to attend the wedding due to a prior engagement. Brevity and class are key, here. Your friend shouldn't give into the temptation to be bitter or dramatic. Everyone is aware of the real situation. If worded right, her friend will understand and appreciate the face-saving opportunity that has been given to him, and his fiance will be relieved and happy....(added to say ~ and she'll look petty...an added bonus.)

 

I think this is excellent advice.