feeling stupid

[blueberrypie]

Hey enotaloners,

 

Here I am again. I'm the person who was dumped by her bf in the end of May he had to go abroad. I went to LC/NC with him for few months and was doing well. We began to talk again few months ago and one thing led to another and we talked about getting back together since few weeks ago. He finally came back to the states and we met again. But we didn't feel the same. I was still deeply in love with him so I wanted to make it work. He agreed that he wanted to try again. I trusted him and we slept together that night--I should add stupidly. Right after the physical intimacy, he said that he didn't want to be in a relationship, that he felt uncomfortable that he felt so comfortable with me. After an hour of me trying to talk him into it again, right at the moment I was about to give up, he decided that he wanted to be in. So we decided to try it again. This was right before Christmas. Few days after that he began to say that he doesn't want to be in a relationship, and he doesn't want to date anyone right now. I tried to convince him that it's gonna work, but you know, one can only convince someone else so much.

Anyways, I get so tired of trying to convince him and decided to let him go. The problem is that he wants to be friends with me, but I don't want that. I have enough of him. I don't want to be manipulated by him any more. Losing him completely from my life will hurt me. But staying friends with him will keep me as a emotional hostage of him. In my head, I know that it's best to let him completely out of my life. But in my heart, I'm afraid that I might miss him so much and regret that I didn't keep him as a friend.

 

Advice, please? =)

[BeStrongBeHappy]

well, one can always find LOTS of friends, and doesn't need one who makes us wish we had a relationship, when we don't...

 

he sounds like he might want sex etc., but when you ask for more, he tries to slip out the door...

 

if being friends with him stops you from feeling free, being happy, looking for a new love that fills your needs, then you shouldn't really try to keep him as a friend or a 'sometimes' lover, because you have false hopes, and maybe he is using you to give him sex and warm fuzzies while he looks for a new girlfriend or just roams free and takes what he wants from some women without giving much...

 

so what do you hope for by 'keeping him as a friend...'? is that just an excuse for hoping he will straigten up and be someone who you can trust, who wants you?? he doesn't sound like a good friend, just someone who wants sex without strings attached...

[blueberrypie]

Thanks BeStrongBeHappy! You are right! If I keep him as a friend, I would secretly hope that he will straighten up and be someone I can trust and wants me. And he is not a good friend. He hurt me so much already. I wanted to tell him that he didn't deserve my friendship, but I'm not sure saying that is a good idea. What do you think? Maybe saying that is also an excuse to contact him again? Or do I want to say it to hurt him?

 

Here's one problem about kicking him out of my life. We have mutual friends. Actually, it's more that I'm close to his ex-roommates. After our breakup, he left the town but his friends and I remained here. We have kept hanging out now and then. They even asked me to spend spring break with them--my ex can't do it anyways because he's working now, hence no spring break. But, it was when they thought they didn't know we broke up again. Should I tell them that I don't want my ex completely out of my life, but I still want to be friends with them, or what? We were friends even when my ex and I were broken, so I don't think their being friends with me is not based on my relationship with my ex. But, wouldn't it be awkward for them to be friends with me when I don't talk with my ex anymore(although I was broken up, I was still in a friendly term with my ex till now)? Or I should just tell them the situation and let them choose?