goodwaves Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 My ex and I stopped talking 2 1/2 months ago. We were 2 weeks away from moving in together and getting engaged. I don't know what I did to make her stop calling me. I called and left messages, tried to email and she blocked me. I called her about a month ago to try to talk, but she cut it short. I sent an email with another email address, and she never responded. I called her on New Year's Eve, and she didn't answer, but called me back to say Happy New Year. Last night I planned on calling her to see if she would meet me for a drink to find out what happened, and if she declined I was going to do it over the phone. I got my nerve up, and dialed her #, and the worst thing happened.. The number was disconnected. I started shaking, and dropped the phone. I tried again to make sure it was the right #, and it happened again. I immediately threw some clothes on, and went to her house. I got there and knocked on the door, and asked her if I could have 1 minute of her time. She couldn't see me through the blinds, but she heard my voice, and walked away. I was completely devistated beyond human comprehension. We were together for over 6 years, and I didn't get an explanation. I could make this post 4 pages long, but that is the gist of it. I pray all the time, and have a very good relationship with God. I have lost almost 20 pounds in 2 months over this, and am a shell of the person I once was. Everyone who sees me can't believe it. I still want her back, because I love her. I wanted to tell her that no matter what, I just want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. I think her parents and family are influencing her, but I know she has to want to do this also, otherwise she would not do it. Everyone has told me to move on. Should I stop praying for the two of us to get back together? I don't know what to do or how to pray. I feel that if I stop praying for what I want to happen, that it will not happen. I know I should pray for God's will, but what about what makes me happy and her happy? I am so hurt and confused right now I feel like I am a lost soul. My whole life has been changed. I can't get my mind off of it. No matter what I do, it keeps thinking of her. I can't sleep or eat. I am so weak. I just want to cry. I am a mess. Link to comment
tribecagirl Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 Oh man, goodwaves. I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't believe that she didn't give you any explaination after six years? Keeping coming back here for support. We care and want to help you heal. I know you're devisitated, but hang touch. It will be hard for a while, but please come here to get some help when you need to, okay? Link to comment
need2bme Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 There is a link to a sermon, somewhere on here, which is a part of "Brothers of the Word." I believe it is called "Let Them Go". In it, the pastor reminds us that our "destiny is NEVER tied to someone who can leave us." "If someone wants to leave you, you got to let them go". Now I cannot do this, but maybe it can help you. Here is the text, or at least most of it: Let it go for 2006 (by T.D. Jakes) Bea: There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. LET THEM GO! And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to... LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to past hurts and pains... LET THEM GO! If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth... LET THEM GO! If someone has angered you... LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge... LET THEM GO! If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents... LET THEM GO! If you have a bad attitude... LET THEM GO! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET THEM GO! If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....... LET THEM GO! If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves... LET THEM GO! If you're feeling depressed and stressed... LET THEM GO! Get Right or Get Left, think about it, and then... LET THEM GO! Link to comment
friscodj Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 Hey GW- I'm sorry, very sorry, to hear of this. Let me share some thoughts with you. First, I have seen many times when a relationship faces a major change or step, e.g., engagement and moving in together in your case, one person jumps ship. They are now forced to view the relationship and you in a different light. You are not a "boyfriend" anymore, you are a "fiance". That brings inherent increased depth of commitment and as a result, a loss of freedom and really tests the trust and responsibility in each other to live up to this new position in each other's lives. So in short, she was forced to face the reality of the relationship and her true and deep feelings and desires related to such. She didn't like what she saw, she freaked out, and she may not have the answers herself that you seek. She may not know herself. You've done all you can really with regards to talking to her. Some type of an answer or reason for this would be nice but what can you do? It's out of your hands at this point with respect to getting an answer from her, which may or may not be 100% accurate. What you can do is dissect this thing and find and believe in a reason for this for yourself. Dig deep, take time with it, and trust your belief in an answer, any answer, that could explain this and get some closure that way. And post those 4 pages here. I would suggest you start a journal in the journal section of this site and keep track of your reflections, feelings, and progress with this. Again, I am sorry to hear this and we will be here to support you. Link to comment
AnonymousMG Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it's going to be very difficult for a while, but this site has been the best thing for me since my breakup, I have received a lot of support. Even if you don't have anything specific to say. Those times when your mind is all jumbled up and you can't think straight, just come and type everything that comes into your head, don't worry about grammer or spelling, just let it all out so you aren't holding it in. That way people can help you understand it, and you can look back on it and read it once you're out of that jumble and make some more sense out of it for yourself too. Anything you feel the urge to say to her, just come on here and say it to all of us instead. Like friscodj said, just put those 4 pages on here, it's worth it. I can't tell you that it's going to be easy, but I can tell you that you're going to get through it, no matter what the end result is. Getting yourself to believe that is the first step. Never hestitate to post here, there's always somebody on to help. -AMG Link to comment
amazonqueen Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 GoodWaves, My ex bf broke up with me with little to no explanation and he refuses to see me or speak to me. I, too, pray everyday. I pray for God to bring us together, but I also pray for him to be happy. I don't know the answer, but everyone on this forum is here for you. Come here as often as you need to. The folks here give great advice and are always here to listen. Link to comment
desertnomad Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 GW hang in there and take care of yourself. Just take it one day at a time. Its going to hurt for quite awhile and that is normal. But You CAN get over this.Stay close to friends and family and keep posting on here. You may in time get some kind of answer. But right now your focus needs to be on taking care of yourself. Stay busy, make new friends, take up a new hobby, talk to whoever you need to for however long. If you are on here much during the weekdays check out DIG in the offtopic section and post whatever you want in there. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 Sorry about your pain goodwaves. We're here for you. Remember one thing and that is not to blame yourself. Focus on other things (gym and fighting were my favourite activities) to keep yourself occupied. Link to comment
majord23 Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 goodwaves, I'm also sorry to hear about yor situation. My 'sixth sense' is telling me that there is more to this story than you've posted.... What happened the last time you two were together? Link to comment
daletroN Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 i think when you pray to God, you can't ask him to bring someone back into your life, i really don't think He works like that. when i pray for my situation, i just ask that i can someday understand what He wants from me because this is His doing and this is all part of the plan He has for you... all i want to do is understand my situation.. as confusing and heart breaking it is and to be strong and grow from this situation. Link to comment
suram Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 goodwaves im really sorry for hearing this, its really messed up, posting here does help... from my part ive ben through that not as intense though .... i think she backed off from the pressure, lets say her parents and friends are the biggest influence ever... FIRST I WOULD ASK WHY AGAINST YOU? WHAT IS THE CAUSE? and then i would say no matter what love cant influence you ever she would not listen believe me.... i think you should just text her and ask for a reason if she still doesnt reply then maintain NC for awhile i did that and eventually got my answer.... SECOND .... SHE could be hiding some form of guilt that she has done to you and hiding it not knowin how to come clean maybe she is thinking of telling you that she messed up.... i would like to know if u ever messed up? cause she could be holding a grudge on that? keep posting here it will help we are here for you buddy!!! Link to comment
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