Please help me figure out what is wrong.

[Crackerjakk]

I didn't want to hijack another thread so i decided to start my own. I wouldn't mind getting some advice from people for my personal situation. I have been trying online dating for quite a while now with very little success. I don't think I'm that terrible looking but I can't really get much interest or responses from women. The ones that show interest are usually the fat and ugly ones who I have no attraction for. In real life, I get no attention from women either. Back when I was in junior high, I sometimes got asked out by girls and from time to time I would find out that this or that girl likes me. But since then, it's like I became the most unappealing guy on the planet and girls want nothing to do with me.

 

Here are the contents of my current dating profile. If any of the people who have had success and know what they are talking about could help me out and share their opinions that would be great. I tried to go with the humorous approach since that is what I've been told generally works and women respond to but it doesn't seem to really help. I will also put a headshot of myself in my profile here and you can tell me if my appearance is the major problem. I would just like to know what the hell the problem is.

 

***PROFILE***

So you wanna get with this, huh? Of course you do, and why shouldn't you. You are a refined woman with excellent tastes and I am a fine piece of, uhh, something. Now it's pretty obvious that I've got it goin' on something wicked so I have to ask the same of you. I like to treat ladies to romantic rides on my two-seater moped and fine dining courtesy of my personal chef, Ron McDonald. And I know you are down with that, so send me a holler boo!

 

Anyway... if you're smart, attractive, and interesting, let me know you're interested and send me a smile.

[Scout]

Well, here's my take...it's a funny post up to the point you talk about rides on your moped and dining at Mickey D's. I know you're joking, and what you want to get accross is funny, it's just I think a lot of people have made the same jokes about mopeds and mickey d's. So maybe if you said, "I like to treat ladies to romantic rides on our fine public bus system, where we still stop and dine at the vending machine of your choice" or something like that, it might come accross a little more original.

 

Ok, so now that you've broken the ice with your sense of humor, and you get to that last line where you're wrapping things up on a more sincere note, you probably need to share a little more about yourself, because you say absolutely nothing that gives any kind of glimpse about who you are, except of course, that you have a cheeky sense of humor. Try to say something about yourself, too, that lets the reader know you aren't really the cad you describe above. I'm sure they'll realize you were joking, but the extra reassurance is probably kind of needed.

[Blue Skittles]

Hey, I was also on the online dating scene for awhile. Seems I couldn't get past the 3rd date. I don't know what that was all about. I'd get the first date in person, maybe even the second, sometimes even a third. But nothing past that.

 

Anyways, reading your profile, it certainly is humorous. It made me laugh. But I ususally go for the guys that are honest and have good morals and values because that is what i am looking for more when it comes to a more serious relationship. So maybe try putting an emphasis on that.

[CarnelianButterfly]

If I read that I'd not be enticed. You don't tell much about yourself, but that you have a sense of humor. Why not try a serious one since the funny stuff isn't cutting it. Include your interests and goals and see if you can get more women with that.

[n83]

I agree with some of the others.. reading that just wouldn't let me take you seriously. Humor is good but up to a point. The profile really doesn't tell me anything about your interests or what you're looking for.

[Aurian]

I agree with n83. Its funny, which is a plus, but if the site allows you to do so, follow it up with a bit of info - who are you and what are you looking for? I think most women probably laugh and move to the next one because they don't get an impression of YOU.

 

EDIT- You don't look bad or anything, but do you have a profile pic without the sunglasses on? That looks rather intimidating or cold, and a bit at odds with your funny profile.

[charley]

Well, I'm not a fan of online dating for several reasons.

 

First of all, most people do not look as good in a photo as they do in real life, IMO. So I think we all have an advantage right there on the local scene.

 

Second, with online dating, how do you know anything is real about the other person. How do you know that pic is of them, or if it is, it might be years old.

 

Also, online dating then becomes more about how you can write than how you talk or are in person. I think I've become reasonably good in person, but I'm still better in writing. Yet let's think about that. A person's writing skills aren't so important when you are face to face with them. It isn't their writing skills that you date in person, or marry, or sleep with. Some people are less articulate in person than in writing. Others are the opposite. It's the "in person skills" that you end up dating, not their writing skills.

 

I personally think the local scene wherever you are is better than online. I mean more tradtional ways of getting dates locally. Speed dating and other 3 ring circus acts like that are not helpful either, even though they are local.

 

I'd like to see you succeed. I really think that local is a better route for you, or anyone. Just my opinion.

 

However, if you want to continue with the online stuff, then the ladies' advice above sounds like good advice.

[poloplayer]

So maybe if you said, "I like to treat ladies to romantic rides on our fine public bus system, where we still stop and dine at the vending machine of your choice" or something like that...

 

I really like that line Scout. I'll have to use that sometime. It's funny yet charming when said the right way.

[Crackerjakk]

Thanks for the suggestion - I'll try to implement them and we'll see if anything happens.

 

Aurian, I've actually tried different pictures of myself and it doesn't seem to really make a difference. Another thing is, I'm really not very photogenic so I avoid having my picture taken. I don't known if a picture of me smiling would make me look friendlier, but it is really impossible to take one because unless I am genuinely smiling I end up looking like a doofus.

 

Charley, I sort of agree with you about online dating, but meeting decent available women in real life is very difficult I've found. 90% of the time when you talk to a woman you find out they are already in a relationship. The only place to meet available women is at clubs and I'm not so much into that. At least with the dating sites, you know the women are available. The biggest problem is that it seems that guys outnumber women enormously (but clearly there are some guys that manage to meet lots of girls anyway), and beyond that, I would say I only find about 5% of the women attractive. It's hard to meet quality girls anywhere.

[Aurian]

^^ That's why I'm trying online dating myself. I'm finding it hard to meet available men and I don't like bars or clubs. Are you sending out emails or smiles yourself? It might take a bit more time, but if you tailor the email to show the girl that you read her profile, she might be more likely to respond. Like if she mentions enjoying a local spot, bring it up or some current event.

[Crackerjakk]

Yeah, I do send out smiles and emails. I tailor them specifically for the person but the response rate is terrible. Like 1 in 30 girls will get back to me.

[GalaxyC]

I wouldn't reply to your profile....even though it's supposed to be funny, it comes accross like you're full of yourself. I'm not saying you are.....just that's how it comes accross.