Talk me out of this. Thought I'd grown up?

[caro33]

Of course it does. I know I have problems and that i'm a bad person.

 

I don't like having it put down my throat, i guess even if he is right!

 

I didn't take from his post that you are a bad person, and nothing I have seen from you shows you to be a bad person. Yes you seem to have problems, but most of us do. Your problems are obviously difficult to live with, your posts about this show you are feeling bad, and I don't doubt it.

 

I guess my own view from what I've seen is that maybe it might help for you to get some perspective. I'm not sure how that might happen and I'm aware that any suggestions I might make would sound trite (like "do some community work").

 

You seem to know intellectually that you are not fat. You are/were choosing to keep telling yourself that you are. I am not sure at this stage how much of this is still within your control, or if it takes a stronger external intervention like drugs or doctors/therapists at this stage. You have been there and done that, so I wouldn't know. But assuming you can get some control over this, I think you need to do your utmost to retrain your brain. You seem to have hardwired into your brain these negative thought processes. I can't see a way of changing this unless you commit to the hard task of actively seeking to distract yourself from bad thoughts about yourself. You need to make a commitment to never say to yourself "I'm fat" or let yourself think it.

 

I know that that is not easy if you are feeling bad but you are a smart girl and I can't see how much can be beyond you, to be frank. You are sounding a bit dramatic and just a little self-indulgent. Sorry, but it's true. As a fellow self-indulgent person I know it's not easy to hear, and you'll probably hate me for saying it. I don't think it makes you a bad person, but it is something you need to get some insight into so that when the bad stuff hits you have a better chance of saying to yourself " * * *, what am I doing, here I go again " rather than the more depressing alternative of sinking into the vortex. Hey, maybe that was the point of your original thread, in which case, good for you (but please listen to the responses).

 

I am much older than you and I still haven't mastered my own tendency to hate myself and my looks, to judge myself (and others) by ridiculous standards, but it has gotten better the more I realise what the triggers are, and how to pick up the patterns of my own behaviour.

 

What "facts" would need to be in place for you to feel better about yourself?