nikki blu Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 A guy I dated once told me he wanted to experience my anger, because I was just too sweet, too perfect. I've seen a pattern that when I'm getting close to a guy, they always seem to test me to see if I'll get angry. From not returning calls to getting stood up. I get tired of proving that I'm a kind, forgiving person, but I won't tolarate blatant disrespect for the sake of some guy knowing he's not dating a pushover....Has anybody had this problem? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confused25 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Those boys are immature, ignore them! Sometimes it's a good idea to let your anger out once in a while or people will walk all over you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Oh, I can definitely relate to you, but not just with men, with people in general. I am the kind, generous, big-hearted and forgiving person....many people assume that means doormat. If someone's behaviour towards me is inappropriate, I will tell them in a nice way, using the "I" messages etc. However, sometimes they change very briefly and revert back to the behaviour which is disrespecting me, so I talk to them again. Eventually, when they cross too many boundaries, I get very very angry and blow up at them. Because these people are inherently selfish, they usually defend their behaviour and act like I expect too much from them (yet what I expect from them is simply the same that they expect from me). I have found that the more kind and forgiving you are, the more certain personality types just try to get away with....they keep pushing the boundaries....it doesn't say much about them. People like that always expect you to feel bad and make apologies for being kind, thoughtful and forgiving, when in reality, they are the ones who should feel bad about behaving like a jerk! Why should kind people feel guilty and bad about being kind? Isn't that what we are supposed to be? If some people can't handle kind people, maybe they should just hang around insensitive people like themselves! But I forgot, they expect kindness from others but just don't want to give kindness back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Yes. I've never experienced this with a man, but I have with other women. I've had some girlfriends who mistook my kindness for weakness. I've learned to only give people what they've earned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikki blu Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 You're right it's not just guys, I remember posting about a long time girlfriend leaving me at a restaurant to meet some guy and then laughing it off like it was no big deal...it's sad that people have no regard for others! It's not in my nature to be defensive and on guard, but what can I do to get the point accross early on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 It's not in my nature to be defensive and on guard, but what can I do to get the point accross early on? Selfish people will never actually "get it" even if you try to get the point accross early on. They will still push boundaries to get what they want. My solution has been to give them the benefit of the doubt early on...if they do something that disrespects my boundaries, I will let them know. If they keep doing it and pushing the envelope, I walk away from the "friendship" and let it be known why I am doing that. No point having toxic people in your life. Don't change who you are just because of these people, they are not worth it. There are plenty of people who will not behave that way and will respect you and value who you are without feeling the need to stamp all over you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honey Pumpkin Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Hi there, I think what I've learned as I've got older is that there *is* a difference between being kind and being a doormat/pushover. So now, if someone lets me down, I will say clearly "I am not happy about [whatever], when you did that I felt like [whatever emotion.". And usually leave it at that - sometimes there is a lot to be said about being clear about what you feel. You dont' have to get mad or angry, but you can say that you don't like something. I've found that I am respected more by people because I can do that now. I am pretty easy going, so don't take it further than that, lol. But just saying something like "You're 10 minutes late. I was just about to go - I don't wait for people for longer than 15 minutes" (or whatever) in a calm neutral manner seems to work really well for me. I don't think you have to change your nature, but I do think we all need to be able to express clearly how we are feeling (without losing the plot), because you DO matter, and you should be able to say how you feel. Or something like that anyway! Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I know it's not just guys because women have done this to me before, many times. My policy is to always start out nice with everyone, but be prepared to stop being nice if that becomes more appropriate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juliana Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 What I said to my brother: Just because I don't call them on their doesn't mean I don't know it's People can do what they want; when they treat you badly to get a rise out of you, leave. You deserve someone who is as nice as you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 What I said to my brother: Just because I don't call them on their doesn't mean I don't know it's People can do what they want; when they treat you badly to get a rise out of you, leave. You deserve someone who is as nice as you are. Well said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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