Mightyxpro Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 Juliana: See,. the problem is that yes.,She has had the abusive bf's and yes they have always been very much aggressive.. She told me about a week ago, that (me) she is looking for a different type of bf(me) and so with picking me she wants a bf that can love her.And treat her like a queen(like her one and only) ...But I dont think she knows what she wants...Im the nice guy, and shes the mean one....I give her alot of respect..and on the down side when were in front of ppl, she puts me down.like words(ex...B -word h-o-e bag ) and than she says thats how we talk...( i say, if i cant call you that(which i wouldn't) its not fair( shes like well thats cause I'm aloud to....I'm like oh ok thats fooked up..She than likes to state, well thats cause I know whats right..I than just sit there...(((((((((((((man i think I'm just to nice..))))))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mightyxpro Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 Charley: Besides, do you really want to lose your virginity to a girl who has no class, and little or no kindness? She sounds like zero class to me. Yuck. )))))))))))I( totally agree on this one...I havent come to 19 to loose it to that...I Just want to be treated Equally...Thats all...Im not picking the right girl for my parents ,only for me..Im not proving to anyone that i have the best gf in the world, just me...Is there anyone out there that cant not agree.. Btw her parents love the heck outta me. They say that im the best thing in her life...And that if i were to be dumped or vis versa than things for her would actually crash and burn down for her...So Here right now this morning, i just cant see myself with her...But really im here for her soo that she can pass 11th grade and she can go to be a lawyer..Shes taking law class..Shes smart, but not smart in the relationship.....Shes just been torn and smacked in most of her bf's and i feel like im gonna be the big man and show her that there are normal guys out there that don''t drink, smoke, and dont abuse just to have fun.. But than again i dont wanna deal with this just cause she thinks that shes gonna take my virginity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juliana Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 "She told me about a week ago, that (me) she is looking for a different type of bf(me) and so with picking me she wants a bf that can love her.And treat her like a queen(like her one and only) ...But I dont think she knows what she wants...Im the nice guy, and shes the mean one...." This is pretty typical of someone in a post-abusive relationship who hasn't gotten any therapy, or done any work on themselves, which is standard for 16 year olds. Logically, she knows she wants to be loved and cherished, and she's making the healthy choice, but emotionally, she's harbouring all this anger about how she was treated, and she's taking it out on other people. When they pull away, she finds excuses for her behaviour (because she probably doesn't understand it herself), or she gets angry back at them. Not every relationship will last forever, but you can certainly decide that your behaviour isn't going to be determined by hers. You can draw the line and say, "no, I'm not going to let you treat me like that," and at the same time, draw another for yourself that you aren't going to treat her the way she treats you, or the way past boyfriends have treated her. You can be your own person. You can be the brick wall where this abusive behaviour stops getting passed on to other people. Because yeah, it is f'd up. She really has to control her own behaviour; you can't do that for her. So if you make it clear that you don't like the way she's treating you, and she doesn't stop, that's pretty much the story, I'm afraid. You would be making a mistake to let someone treat you badly just because you know they were abused themselves before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siriana Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Oh man maybe 16 is too young..What was i thinking... I wanted to say well she's a little bit immature and too young for you .... but tried not too, since that could start age gap debate.... But since you mentioned it, yes, she's not the best fit for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siriana Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 So me being the guy: is me trying to help her...Shes like about to flunk 11th grade cause the last bf did all of the above things... So i wanna help her make the right decisions... But if she fails the grade i will dump her.. B.c i know after she fails shes gonna wanna drop out.. i just know it...cause her friends all like to drink, party,, smoke cigg/weed.... M Find a better match! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Wow. That is a really beautiful sentiment. You're a really good guy. OK. Stick to her for a while then and show her what it's like to be with a nice guy. However, I don't think you should sleep with her, at least not unless she changes substantially. Whatever you do, don't get her pregnant. She'll respect you more if you stand up to her when she's being inappropriate or unkind. You should tell her when she's being unacceptable or mean and let her know you don't appreciate it. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mightyxpro Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Well for the last three days now, I have been driven home by my boss to his house..And the touter for my gf has come over...My Boss I sit on the couch and watch war movies( which i like and he does to) So anyhow every time the touter leaves after 2 hrs of being in the house my gf comes over to the couch were my boss and I are sitting...Well anyhow the 1st day her and I sat there and watch a movie(cheaper Dozen) with her father and mom..Now if you have been reading my statements before...>This is the day after she asked me if i was gay....>Anyhow I only hugged her goodbye once i left the house... The second day./....everything happened like before,but i hugged her with a tighter grab( and said "its great to have you" .....She smiled.. Today is the third day...Well everything happened again like before., But this time ,as I was laying on the couch watching the movie "We Are Soldiers" ...She got a bit closer to me and finally after moving like 3 times she put her hand out and tried looking for my hand...Now picture this....I'm laying like a T except the T is turned 90 Degrees Counter clock wise staring at the T.V...Well anyway she grabbed my hand and she couldn't see my face,,but i smiled. Anyhow her mom got home these past three days at 7:45pm. As all of us r on the couch her mom and dad both get up and walk away..((And I took some advice from you guys and gals that have been talking to me on ENotAlone..And i used my judgment..... So i grabed her hand and took it and move it to my stomach...(so than she keeps her hand really loose like you could swing it like it was like a feather))..so as i still have a grip...i slowly move it further down to my no-no spot and as im pushing her hand closer on my smooth skin..(i shave down there) she puts her hand on my skin and slowly is taken for ride to the no-no-spot...and than she moves it away really slow..and than quick..and she smiles So for me to show her that I'm not gay and that I do think normally is not hard at all for me to accomplish.She also asked me on the 1st day why i always whine and ask why all the time and ask questions....And i stop that.....That was a act...I was just trying something new....It didn't work obviously...But Thats all i can change over night. Like i said I"m not being pressured to prove anything to her...its just me doing what i feel is necessary for the You and I factor. M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mightyxpro Posted January 13, 2007 Author Share Posted January 13, 2007 My bad...Its been horrible day ..I think my gf is gonna cheat on me...And you know what...im not gonna feel sad at F"ING ALL!..B.c i think she is wanting to go back to her old bf....She doest answer my text's ,my phone calls...and doesnt give a spit to what i feel..... I AM SOOO MAD RIGHT NOW>!!!!!!!!!!!!!If I was suicidal, i would have cut myself..but im not... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 What's a touter? We're on opposite sides of country. I think we don't speakee the same AmerEnglish, or is that an age difference in language? Anyhow, what's a touter? Hey, you're a nice guy and you've been trying to give her every benefit of the doubt. Now take some comfort in knowing that you have been a nice guy and you treated her well inspite of herself. Take some pride in that and then dump her with a clean conscience and then take some pride in having had the strength and smarts to dump her while still retaining your class. First impressions and first reactions are often correct because they come from our gut instincts without reason or conscience interfering. My first gut reaction was to dump her and I should have stayed with that. However, it's admirable that you didn't want to dump her (despite all common sense pointing to it) because you're a kind man. Don't feel stupid or wrong for having been kind. You've done eveything reasonable and more. Now it's time to stop being kind and protect yourself. Dump her now. You don't have to be mean about it, but don't be overly nice either. She'll only be more disrespectful if you're to nice. Like Nike says, just do it. Actually, it sounds like she may have already dumped you. If so, then just walk away and learn from this, but don't dwell on it. There's no profit in being a door mat. I can honestly say that I've always been nice to all the women at work, but some of them were mean to me until I got really angry and told them off. After a big fight and some cooling off time, we've gotten along much better. I showed some backbone. There's no profit in being a door mat. i.e. - be a nice guy to a point, but set limits that they can't cross. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mightyxpro Posted January 13, 2007 Author Share Posted January 13, 2007 OMG my best friend...Ace just called me up and told me that he just saw her with 2 other guys and her best friend...IM soo gonnn dump her azzz...and She was caught smoking ...THis is all FREAKIN OVER>>>>>IM SOO OUTTA HERE!@ GOnna play Pool at the pool house..>OMG I DONT believe THIS * * * *!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 Don't over react. You're a nice guy, remember? Don't allow your anger to ruin your niceness. Just dump her in a civilized way without excessive anger and obviously with no violence. You do need to end this because it's not healthy for you. However, as I said before, she may have already ended it. Since she doesn't take your calls, I'd say it's already over and all you have to do is move on. Don't go all mental over it. Chill out and just move on. Calm down and be the cool guy I know you really are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurian Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 She isn't worth it... You seem like a nice guy, you should be with someone who appreciates you for what you are. I'm sorry she disappointed you, but maybe its for the best for you. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 I guess what I mean is: show some backbone and not be a doormat, but don't get mean. There's a happy middle ground. It's called assertive. Assertive means you don't take cr@p and you don't give any. You don't abuse others, and you don't allow them to abuse you. Just aim for assertive behavior. To do that you'll have to calm down. I think it's over already anyway. Just learn from it, but don't let it bother you to much, and move on. Life is a series of cruel learning experiences. Experience is a cruel teacher. Learn from it, but don't let it ruin you or destroy your kindness. Find the assertive middle ground where you're still a nice guy, but you don't allow others to mistreat you. Try to view all this as a learning experience because that's what it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mightyxpro Posted January 13, 2007 Author Share Posted January 13, 2007 Thanks everyone for helping me through this process. I called her up tonight and she was soo drunk...and high.....Im done here guys and gals with her...Im just gonna tell her in person that once again you messed it up..There is no 3rd chance with me thats it..im sorry..And im just gonna walk away.. I don't even feel like crying cause it wont help me at all, no shoulder to cry on so why bother.....if anything i just wanna think about my real issue...Finding a girl out there and her not being pushy towards me...Thats all..Is that too much..well goodnight everyone..im gonna go dream about my dream girlfriend... . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 Why even call her or talk to her again? Is telling her off that important? If so, then I guess go ahead, but don't expect much satisfaction from it. Expect some snotty or angry insults from her, if you do call her to dump her. You could just never call her again and leave it at that. It's already over. Up to you though. Either way, your future will be better. Each learning experience will help you avoid the same mistake next time. Things will improve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mightyxpro Posted January 13, 2007 Author Share Posted January 13, 2007 nonono, i would never ever call or text her to dump her...Thats what you call lazy. i want to see what she is gonna really feel when she looses me in person....Ive had it up to here with this ...She can think im gay , she can think that its my fault that im going to loose her.she can think w.e she wants about me...I just don't wanna be with her. and thats final...Sometime today or tomorrow I'm dumping her...She can cry her eyes out....but I will feel no sympathy for her. AS she is doing right for me.. BTW: When I said in the beginng that being 16 is too young, I meant it in a way that she is too young for that age,..There was a another 16 yr old i was with and she fit me just right,but that ended short cause of school...Shes top honor roll student..So i didnt want to intend into her life and make her get mediocre grades..But thats that., M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 My point was why bother at all? Why obsess about her, or even think about her anymore? It's already over. I think you'll embarrass yourself trying to dump her when the relationship is already over. I think she's already dumped you. I didn't want to say that earlier because I didn't want to hurt you, but there it is. If you try to dump her in person, on phone, or any other way after she's effectively already dumped you, you'll just embarrass yourself. I really urge you to just forget this now (for your own good) and just let it all go. Move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mightyxpro Posted January 14, 2007 Author Share Posted January 14, 2007 Allright thanks..She told me to go F-myself..and i said yea now i dont want to be with you..bye. I m just done..im tired and i just sick of it...so nighty , thanks though Charley for you input and effort, you really did help me out.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charley Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 Well, I predicted that pretty accurately. Oh well, another lesson learned. Think about it this way. Look how much smarter you've recently become. Seriously. That is a positive thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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