whats her story??

[tellmebaby]

i think the friend that i started to get invovle with is definitly hiding something from me. Although im not exactly sure what or why.

 

I have tried several times to talk to her and she always just wants to drop it, saying i don't want to ruin our friendship or saying talking makes things worse, i told i just want want my Qs answered because i am confused as to why she would tell me she liked me and flirt with me for weeks and then kiss me, and then freak out, and then seem to keep flirting with me. When i asked her waht i wanted to know, she was quiet for a really long time and then said things like she didn't remember doing or saying things like flirting with or telling me she liked me, even though she definitly did and she only explained about her being jealous of the other girl i liked....but not really because it confused me more. She said she knows she explained it weird and she is sorry, and she knows she's confusing, and thats all she could tell me. That conversation ended with me not knowing what to say and being more confused and hurt. It got me nowhere

 

When i tried to talk to her again, she was angry because this 3rd person started trying to talk to her about it, (i had talked to this third person about it because she asked me about it, and i needed someone to talk to it about because i was feeling really crappy one day about teh situation. My friend already knew i had talked to this third person and said she had no problems and she understood why i talked to her). But when she got in my car the other day she starting yelling at me telling me we need to quit talking about what happened. She calmed down and later she said she is jsut irratated that this 3rd person is tyring to talk to her, and she wants to keep it between me and her. I told her the third person is just trying to help, but i understand what you are saying and i'll tell the 3rd person to let it be. and my friend said this 3rd person was like trying to get her to admit she was bi, I told my friend, i have not told anyone that i do in fact think you are bi, because i think its for you to decided for yourself i am just confused by your actions and words and thats why im trying to talk to you, she interrupeted me and said "no, out of everyone you should be the only one able to decide if i am bi or not, i just don't want other people sepculating about me." I was confused at this, but she just kept on talking about thsi 3rd person, so i didn't get a chance to ask about taht.

 

She continued talking,and she said something like, "I thought about what happened for the month(the kiss), and i waited for you to come talk to me, but then i thought you were fine with not talking and what happened and i tried to ignore it." I told her that the reason why i didnt talk about it or bring it up was because she told me to please forget it and she told me she really didn't want to talk about it. She said she was sorry and she is crazy. I told her i wish we had talked about it and i wish i came to you sooner. She said something like she was confused, and i asked her why she is confused and she got really upset and said she doesn't want to talk about something she herself is confused about and doesn't understand and exactly know anything, she asked me how she was supposed to talk about something she doesn't understand, and she said she doesn't want to talk about it.

I told her well thats why we need to talk because it can help clear confusion and we can help each other understand, and i think thats why (the 3rd person) tried to talk to you. She then told me she just wants the situation to be over.

 

 

at this point would it be wise for me to tell her how i feel about her? Up til now i was confused and scared to say anthing about my feelings, now i am jsut really confused...because nothing she says makes sense in my mind. Its either she is bi, but she doesn't like me, and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Or she really isn't bi, and doesn't like me. Or she does in fact like me and is freaked out or like confused about it, and is scared to admit it.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think you should back off. You're sound like you're backing her into a corner over this and its only going to make her feel pressured and uncomfortable. If it is a question of sexuality, you have no right to be up in her face about it. If she wants to tell you she will. IN HER OWN TIME.

[adoracion]

She seems to be confused and doesn't want to talk about it. It's one thing for people to know certain things about her and it's another thing for her to have to acknowledge it and talk about her feelings. Maybe once she started to think about things more, she didn't want the 3rd person to know. Maybe after thinking things out further she became more upset. I can't really say, but it's pretty obvious she doesn't want to talk about it now. Maybe later, but not now. Give her space and time. Don't force her because that will push her away.

[tellmebaby]

you both are right. but like it really was not my intention to back her into any corner, and i see how thats what it may seems. I wish the third person didn't go to her, i kinda just wanted to be able to confide i didn't expect her to go to her....i should have been more vocal about that...thats what my friend was sayingm she was alright that i confided in someone...but upset because she felt like this 3rd person was trying to stick her nose in when she hadn't needed to. I think it did make it more overwhelming for her....dang it ](*,) i feel horrible about that.

 

In trying to bring things up with her...I was trying to clear the major confusion and hurt i was feeling, but i screwed up because i didn't think outside it, because it was really bad how i was feeling. but now i see, that she prolly does need time with whatever she is thinking and feeling, and prolly really can't talk about it just yet. Its been even harder, because the both of us are so used to talking and sharing everything with each other, and hanging out all the time. Hah...she was actually the first person i came out too! So its kind of like bleh when she won't talk to me and there is lack of communication.

 

I'll need to set my confusion aside for now, and wait, and i didn't consider the fact that i could end up pushing her away like you said! thats the very last thing i want to do. I just really hope she will come to me when she is ready. I maybe i was being too rediculous for not realizing how much she does probably feel uncomfortable about the whole situation and not ready to admit things to herself, and i know how that was for myself

 

thanks so much for both your replies, it really made me realize my own actions and approach of the situation, and see it in a different light. I shall give her space about it. thanks again.