BigSyke Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 So my soon wife to be, is currently having sex with another man, as i type this. She had sex with him last night, and tonight is doing the same. I am more depressed, hurt and filled with pain than words can even reach. I went to speak with her today. The 1st night she had sex wtih him, his buddys called me up, to let me listen. Yes, it was confirmed, i heard her screams in the background. TOday i went to speak with her, and finally she broke down, and said they had sex all night and morning. I couldnt stop crying and i actually threw up. I bought a house with this girl a few weeks back, shes pregnant and were getting married soon. I have lived with this girl for a year, and spent every minute with her. How do you guys do this? i cant function, this was such a blow/shock and i cant just sit here thinking what shes doing with him right now. I kept calling her phone, but she would either answer and let me listen, or just not answer. I had dinner reservations all setup too....I guess i saw this coming (NOT) because she ahs been ditching me for the last week. How do I deal with this pain? i have been left for somebody else before, but this does NOT compare, one bit, this is my best friend/wife to be, having sex, JUST LIKE THAT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSyke Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 worst of all, I lost ALL of my friends, so I just sit here, with nobody to talk to! i tried calling them, but they think im pathetic since i spent all my time with her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skyjuice Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Hi Bigsyke, Sorry to hear about your situation. I know you are hurt and alone. But for the sake of your future, would you reconsider marrying your soon to be wife? She is very disrespectful and unfaithful. Anyway, it lies on you that whether or not you would forgive her if she seek one. Do you keep in touch with your old school friends, work colleauges, or your family members? They are good support system for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daletroN Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 ask yourself, are you really willing to spend the rest of your life with a woman like that? i know she's your best friend, but i think marrying someone like that will ruin your life- i dont think she's the one for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eleanorrigby1 Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 She is pregnant with your child and having sex with other men? is she using protection! urgh! Also how on earth did his mates manage to ring you and let you hear sounds in the background? how did they get your number? was it some kind of orgy? or a party whereas she was having sex in the bedroom with another man at a party that had his friends there? she wanted to get caught if thats the case. I would also question where her moral values lie, if she has any. How old is she? Im sorry to be so harsh but if you marry this woman you are only going to cause yourself more pain. Take control of your own life and end this relationship now. You should remain in contact for the sake of your child, but find someone who can respect and love you back for a wife. This woman is not her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blindfold Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 how about stop calling her your wife to be and start calling her your ex? someone who does this deserves nothing from you, let alone your lifetime with her. you can be a wonderful parent by ditching her too, you know?probably even better than being with someone who makes you sick. best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSyke Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 its starting to settle in, im crying alot more today because the shock is wearing off. How does people deal with their one and only having sex with somebody else? for me its the hardest thing on earth! She is 25 years old, 120lbs with fake breasts, alot of guys worship her. The guy she landed with is 300lbs, ugly she said and smells really bad. WHY? Me and her were like brad pitt and angelina jolie, and people said that ALL the time, we look just like them. Now its angelina jolie, and Silent bob/michael moore. WHOA! I called her today, and she was laughing about it, "no i was out with my girlfriends...yea the sex was ok, but no i didnt have sex with him, but wow i really like this guy and having sex with him last night didnt compare to you, but yah, im gonna go see if its any better, Buh bye now"....click WHAT?????Ive never heard a woman talk like this. She doesnt believe in using condoms, shes pregnant and drinks ALL the time now, EVERY night. She told me she was going to treatment, and she would call me when she got out, thats the day she had sex with him. Most of all, the nightmares im having are unexplainalbe, I wake up soaked in tears! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LLammas Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 BigSyke- I am so, so sorry for your situation. On the plus side, you can be thankful that this happened before the wedding instead of after. This girl obviously doesn't value your relationship, but again, at least she showed you this side over herself BEFORE you were married. Now you can cut your loses and care for your child instead of being miserable for years to come. Besides, a child needs at least one stable parent-it looks like that's up to you. I know it hurts, but if you let her come back now she may get the crazy notion that this behavior is acceptable to you. In the long run, I'm sure a nice guy who looks like Brad Pitt will have no problems whatsoever finding a relatively sane, moral girl to build a life with. You deserve better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benson Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I think more than anything she needs help, and not just your help either.. professional help.. It may very well be in your best interest to forget this woman... I wouldnt have anything to do with her. You deserve someone that will take YOUR thoughts into consideration and not theirs all the time. Not to mention the irrational behaviour she's showing..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ironpumper Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 BigSyke-I couldn't IMAGINE something like that, it's gotta be tearing you apart. Isn't there somewhere you could go spend time away from the whole thing? Family in another state or something? If ya can, just make yourself as scarce as possible for as LONG as possible. I believe I'd be in JAIL for murder, but that's ME, hang in there man...Be glad you found out NOW.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSyke Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 ironpumper, totally know what you mean. Im a normal sane guy, but now ive officially snapped. Ive imagined alot of bad situations, this one couldnt top the worst ive thought of. i have so many things i need to do, but i cannot leave my room, as hard as i try. I keep smoking ciggeretts, like 3 packs a day now, i only used to smoke a 5 ciggettes a day. I keep trying to talk to her, which i know is the worst thing to do, but in my case, the damage is already done. Usuall case is to move on and pretend nothing happened, then they wonder why. She is a totally different person now, TOTALLY! her voice has changed. It sounds like she is having sex all the time now, which she probably is. Seriously she talks and moans and makes these sexual noises while talking to me all in some new valley girl voice, as high pitched as possible, borderline mentally retarted. This girl is seriously ill, i dont think professional help can save her, the ammount of detail she says about having sex with this guy now is worse than a hard core porn, and shes laughing too. This girl 2 weeks ago cried and cried for days when i said Im taking a break because you cant stop drinking, and doing your valley girl voice. I went back thinking she was done, a few days later, this happens. Its SOOO hard not to drive over there and set her straight, she is so rude and explicit, and says she wants to have sex with me, and the new guy at the same time. This is such a blow! how can a female talk like this? i thought they were mostly modest? welcome the new 2007 huh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSyke Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 ok, its only going to get worse, she keeps laughing at me, just rubbing it in that she had sex wtih him in front of 30 people....she told me she had sex wtih him 8 times the past 2 days. How good it felt and bla bla bla...alot of people dont know this pain and shock, ive had 2 fingers cut off, sowed back on, id take that ANYday over this. So aside from moving on, which is destined to happen, how can you block this out of your head? ive tried smoking alot of ciggs, but just sitting there makes me so desperate, that i have to call her, almost like im obsessed. Ive tried playing it like i dont care, and shes loosing a good thing, and its her loss,but she laughes and says "whateva, i got lots of D*** to play with, buh bye now!" and she goes and does it. So yes its hard and its a huge change, and when its done ill probably turn gay, haha...but seriously its worse than people think when you have nobody to turn to, and your girl/best friend is just laughing at you, while having sex! Just wish i could block this all out, and realise i am a model man for any woman, and most of them would kill for me, but being 22, its so difficult to meet women, good ones who dont drink and party. its just everything ive ever done lately was with her, every store, place ive gone, and we had a blast! now im alone, remembering the best times ive ever had in my life! ive never been so close to an object, or thing. my life relyed on her. Im in a total panic state, which i may need to seek help on, but still wont change the facts at hand. I cant wait till this is over. I wish she never had sex, because i would give her time to change, that is the part that bothers me, she destroyed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LLammas Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 BigSyke- While you can't block this out of your head, you can ignore her calls for the time being. It sounds as though she's getting some sick sort of pleasure out of torturing you at this point. Deprive her of that. While many of us ENAers are hoping to get back with our exes (myself included), I must ask that you please, please, please not resume a relationship with this woman. As you said, she's very sick. She needs extensive counseling-not another man to worship her. Much as it hurts, if you really love her you'll face the hard facts and back away until she's stable enough to talk to you like an adult. Not to pick at an open wound, but....it may also be wise to order a DNA test when your child is born as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILovePasta Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 This story sounds almost too outrageous to be true.... My guess is that someone is fibbing about something... maybe your fiance? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terk2021 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 BigSyke, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. It's probably very hard for you to accept everything that is going on. After all, you are human and you are being lead by your heart right now and not your head. Your situation sounds very complex with a child on the way. As for your friends... If they were truly your friends, they will come back around. You should try reaching out to them and let them know what you are going through. It's amazing what happens when you are in love. Sometimes people get so wrapped up in a relationship and put off doing things with friends. How do things get better? As some have already stated, you should try and not be in contact with her. You should ignore her attempts to contact you right now. You need to concentrate on you for a while. You should be involved with friends, family, as well as counseling. You should consider going to see someone and get on some medication as well. Don't get too heavy into drinking. Sure, while being drunk, things seem fine, but you will find yourself twice as depressed and hung over after. Like you, I was engaged, and we called our wedding off. It's been about 5 months now, and it's still a roller coaster, and probably will be for a while. This may sound strange, but it is probably a blessing in disguise that you are figuring out what type of person she really is, prior to getting married. I have found out things about my ex from some of her friends that really make it more true. Granted, my heart still loves her. Time will heal that... I am feeling for you. Worst case, take at least 1 month of no contact and get some help. You are human, and you don't have to go through this alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSyke Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 its getting bad, ive been destroyed before durring breakups, but this by far tops them well over 900%. actually you cant put a number on it. I wish this was a lie, i almost wish i was lying. I keep telling myself it didnt happen, this is not happening. She is going to see the guy again tonight. I told her "listen, i am soo sorry about taking a step back, i took you forgranted, let me fix this just 10 minutes of your time you wont regret it, trust me" she followed with "iiiiiiiii gottaaaa gooooo byeeeeeeee" The worst part is I started this, sorta. I needed to show her i wouldnt take partying and drinking lightly. So i stepped back. She would beg and beg and cry, and i wouldnt do anything. 3 days of that and It hit me, GET HER BACK STAT! by that time it was almost too late. I didnt spend christmas or new years with her, which was a complete A** move by me, i then realised what i did. Its now to the point where she has 0 feelings, and just dangles this other guy, and OTHER GUYS in my face and laughs. I saw her yesterday for a bit, cried and begged, and she finally gave it where she started crying saying WERE GETTING MARRIED! IM SO SORRY! it was almost perfect again, until STUPID me left. I left for an hour, and she then went to see that other guy. I needed to think for an hour, that was too long i guess, now shes hooked on this guy, and im left for nothing. Im having the most intense roller coaster emotions possible. And when its low, i almost puke, litterallly it comes up in my mouth, thinking my WIFEY, is having sex with a random stranger. Its so weird how i look at things now. WOW i cant get her out of my head, AT ALL! our whole relationship is playing back, over and over. The pain is so intense i dont know what to do. If i do NC, i will lose her for good, do you think shes just going through a stage? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TornTattered Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Wow..... that is probably the harshest thing ive ever heard/read. I cant say that ive been in such a situation. But i can give some advice on what to do to occupy your time. I would go and run or work out a bunch. It gets your endorphins up and creates positive energy. I myself took up boxing and it worked wonders. I was really pissed off and punching a bag really took it out of me. Plus while you are working out and such, the situation doesnt seem to make you sad like usual. Also, i lost contact with most of my friends as well. I can tell you this. If they were ever trully friends with you at one time, they will accept you back. They did me. Hang out with your family as well. It sucks to be the kind of guy that doesnt enjoy going out and partying that much. I know. I didnt mind going out and drinking with* my ex. But i did when she went out drinking with other dudes and such. We are here for ya man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TornTattered Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I dont think there is ever a sleep with a guy in front of 30 other guys stage man. That sounds really pathetic and unforgiving. Im really sorry this happened to ya man. But you dont need that. No one needs that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSyke Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 i know i dont need this, but this is the 4th harsh breakup ive been through. For some reason this one is just so different. Usually i could just do other things and slowly forget about it. I know working out will help, but its weird because i have 0 energy to even move. I feel like i have the flu. The worst part is, the situation is still settling, and it just gets worse, until about 5 months down the road when ive moved on. She moved on in 2 days. Im just trying to find out how to cope wtih the pain, which is pretty intense because i worshiped this girl, closer than best friends, were talking EVERY living breathing minute together. Its crazy how you think things wouldve went differently, not such a harsh revenge style breakup. The only thing that works here, is if we see eachother in person, then she realises what shes losing. I dont know how to deal wtih this, its destroying alot right now. I have this other girl who im now talking to, and for some reason, all I can think about is my EX when i take her out on a date, which wasnt the case before. Its just this "freefalling" type feeling where, i feel like im actually falling and have 0 control. This is what gets me, im alone as can be right now, and the ONLY thing that helps, is texting her, or calling her, thinking im making a difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSyke Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 and one thing, is it possible, if she somehow wants to get back with me, that things may work out? or do these actions sound like somebody who will NEVER be a loyal girlfriend? THe connection we have is beyond anything ive ever felt, she has everything i need in a girl, and then some, its like we were born for eachother, she kjnows that too, she says it all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSyke Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 sorry for multi posting, but whoa, i just got knocked off my chair. The reality of her having sex, MY GIRL having sex is striking me like electricity. Its seriously powerfull enough to make me puke, or knock me off my chair. Its almost like im having a sesure. How long does this last? because right now im struggling for dear life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CareBear53187 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 This girl has issues. Big issues. As in-she isn't mentally healthy. If it makes you feel ANY better, i guarantee once you let go she will eventually come back around, because she isnt going to find happiness having sex and drinking as a pregnant woman. Honestly, I would focus on your child. Do you really want this woman raising your baby? When the baby comes, you are going to have so much more to think about. I know how bad it hurts now-i know, i really do-but that type of behavior you shouldn't even be crying over. i have a feeling that once your panicking and crying subsides, your anger phase will be very very long-and you deserve to be angry. You obviously can't cut her off because she's carrying your baby, but do not humor her when it comes to discussing your relationship. If she brings it up, you say it's over, end of story. Honestly, this is something that you will be glad happened one year from now. First priority=baby. Second priority=you. Twenty billionth priority=worrying about that skank. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSyke Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 that guy is making her get an abortion. I am Totally against that. Im trying to refrain from becoming violent, but that babys already dead, my child is already dead. I cant wait till the anger phase, which is already here, but its still 96% desperate panick. She does have huge issues, which were overlooked because she was my best friend, and I was hers. Yes, once im at that stage of accepting everything, I will let the hurt take over, and just close the door on that one, a few months of my life will be wasted, I will be in a struggle for life. If i can pass this suicidal stage I will be golden, but right now my girl is having sex. Well not sure what to do now but stare at the wall, and wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TornTattered Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 She told you that she is getting an abortion? Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i2oadi2unnei2 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 BigSyke, I read your first post, then started speed reading all the way to the end. I have to tell you, if you were my neighbor, I'd come over, have a glass of wine with you and give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on. With all this turmoil, I feel pissed and relieved at the same time... I'm lost with words and I definitely feel your pain... There is so much I want to say whether good or bad but I won't. You need to grieve, let it out, cry it out, punch the pillow whatever it takes to get it out of your system, BUT do not do any self inflicting pain to yourself! It will do you no good. I've done this before, most of the scars are gone but a few still remains but not visible enough to notice and I feel embarrassed even talking about it... However, remember this, no one in this world is worth taking your life for, so please get that suicidal temptation out of your head please. We're here for you... /me lean my shoulder for you to cry on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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