Another challenge

[Biffy]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

Excellent post, sounds like you're handling your break-up brilliantly, keep it up!

 

And boy do I feel your pain re working with the ex.

[littlebylittle]

hey there zombian.

 

I have good and bad days. today is a bad one, but I find posting and reading posts good therapy. Everything was fine over Christmas as i had no contact and had started my plan. Got back to work though and bam....right back down. Picked myself up again and then over the last few nights she's been in touch, "I'm a bit low, how are you?" that type of thing, I do exactly the wrong thing and tell her I miss her....."well, I miss you too but we'll never work, I just want to be friends". Ouch. Another lesson learnt. Never get your hopes up!

 

Working together makes it tough, very tough, she sits 20 feet away from me, facing in my direction.....ouch again. It has made me consider my future where I work but I really don't want her to both break my heart and force me out of a place I love to work and have very close friends at.

 

Nightmare!

[papalazarou]

Well not quite following D4Gs pattern...but I have thrown myself (quite literally) lol back into Tae Kwon Do.

 

I was letting it slip a little bit recently but I have decided to go in wholeheartedly. Thankfully training is twice a week minimum for the black belt grading in April. However I have done three times this week and will continue to do so.

 

Furthermore I am trying to see my friends whenever possible and keep as busy as I possibly can. I think thats the key...do things to take your mind off it - whatever that may be...as long as its legal & not detrimental to your health LOL

 

In time it does get better. I have currently hit a "sticky patch" with my current g/f.

 

However it does not compare to what happened 4 years ago when I lost my (then) ex wife who had an affair and I lost my kids (well seeing them everyday to once a week), house, car everything. That was a real blow. I had a PC, a bag of clothes and living at my parents.

 

So whilst im having "problems" with the current g/f its nothing compared to what I went thru before. I have two great kids, my own flat, a good job, reasonably fit, reasonably attractive (so Im told , two loving parents and a GREAT group of friends who I know I can count on.

 

If someone asked if there was ONE thing only you could do for yourself (other than NC we take that as read) then its excercise.

 

Healthy body, healthy mind. It also does take your mind off it.

 

I cant believe I started a martial art, it was only thanks to my friend felix (who no longer goes actually) that I went. Im still doing it 3.5 years later.

[drum4god]

papalazarou,

 

Thats awsome. You are well on your way, if you aren't already there. You sure have been through alot, and I admire your strength. Keep it up, get that black belt.

 

God Bless!

 

Drum

[drum4god]

Last night was quite interesting. I didn't do much. I worked out, practiced my drum pad, and for the most part I was on the phone with friends.

 

I spoke to a friend who is having a party tonight. I asked her if my ex would be there, and she said she would. She also shared something I didn't expect. She spoke to a close friend of my ex, and she told her, that Jessica (my ex) is not doing too well. She is hurting bad. She told my friend that Jessica was cyring and she hardly cries. I gathered it had more to do with her feeling bad she hurt me, more than regret, but I don't know. She told her friend that I deserve someone who is going to love me the way I deserve. She said it was for the best. She also said she is not ready to open herself up to a man (she has been hurt before).

 

In a strange way I was hurting for her, but at the same time I felt a little satisfaction that she is not over me. Not that I take pleasure in her hurting, but she appeared happy to be without me, but obviously that isn't the case.

My friend told me that Jessica always puts up a good front, but inside she is hurting bad.

 

So what does this mean. Nothing. I have to move on. When I see her tonight I will just be cordial. I still miss her, and love her, but for whatever reason she couldn't love me back. I am O.K, and ready for the new chapter in my life. I feel strong, alot stronger than I thought I would. I was so in love with this woman, and thought I would be devestated if she broke up with me. But I am doing pretty good. The real test will be tonight, but I am confident I will be strong.

[papalazarou]

Nice one D4G. Just be pleasant and polite when you see her tonight.

 

And yes you should have someone who is going to love you the way you deserve!

[SuperDave71]

D4G,

 

 

Give us an update will ya?

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[need2bme]

Hey, D4G, I need ya in here telling us is what is going on brother. It helps me to know that everything is going to be ok.

[drum4god]

Hey, D4G, I need ya in here telling us is what is going on brother. It helps me to know that everything is going to be ok.

 

Well, I feel like a hypocrite because I haven't been following the plan. I am in the process of moving out of my apartment, so I have been busy. Still that is no excuse. Its funny, as soon as I stopped sticking to the challenge I had a setback with my feelings.

 

I am going to start again. It will be hard the next 2 days because I am still moving out, and my band is playing Friday night (thank God, we haven't played in awhile). I will be in my new apartment Saturday.

 

I saw my girlfriend Sunday at church and I allowed it to set me back. I was so down today. Thats it. No more moping. I am not giving her power any more.

 

I saw my friend and he put me in my place again. Sometimes I need a good kick in the butt, and he is great that way. My friend said something very profound. It was based on a scripture in the bible. Paul the apostle said "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind"

 

It made me think. We are not transformed by our circumstances, or feelings, but they way we think. We need to change our thinking. We need to think on things that are positive, healthy, and encouraging. We always (at least I do) always focus on things that are wrong about us. We need to stop that.

 

Well my friend gave me another challenge, and I encourage you guys to add this to the original challenge in this thread.

 

He said for the next week, do your best to just think about your good qualities. Get rid of all negative thoughts, and wherever you go, do everything to act confident. Even fake it if you have to.

 

I can tell you I started right when I left his shop where he works, and I felt so much better about myself. Did the sadness totally leave. No, but it certainly subsided, and I feel a lot of peace.

 

So here is the new challenge. Find 3 to 5 things to do for 1/2 hour a day, think about your positive traits, and act confident, even if you don't feel it.

 

I believe this will help.