i don't understand why my first ex is being weird.

[deejay74]

this post is about my first girlfriend (let's call her A), which i dated from 1997 - 2000. she's from new york and we did the LDR thing from 97 - 98. in 1999 she moved down to dc (where i was living at the time) but then we broke up and she moved back to nyc.

 

after we broke up, it took about a year for us to start speaking again. then i moved up here in 03 and we started dating again. i then broke it off with her because things we not the same. yet we still kept in touch and remained aquaintances.

 

she has a BF and has been seeing him for almost 2 years.

 

when i was going through all the drama and heartache with my last ex, i tried to speak to A about what was going on she would always refuse to talk to me about it. i wanted insight from her since she dated me and i wanted to know if she could provide feedback so i could see if i was repeating any behaviour that would cause the break up. i stopped calling her about it after a few times.

 

anyway, we would talk on the IM from time to time about our lives, etc but about 4 months ago, she started to get an attitude and gave me short answers to general questions for no apparent reason. i decided to stop talking to her because i didn't need or want that kind of treatment from anyone.

 

well, i got in touch with her today over the IM just to see what's up with her and once again, she started being all weird. she asked me why i am getting in touch with her and she thought it was weird! i don't understand.

 

we're not friends but we still checked in from time to time because we've known each other for almost 10 years and we had a lot of history together. you would think that by now, any hard feelings or resentment would be gone. i know it is for me.

 

does anyone have a guess?

 

all i know is that after today, i am not going to bother getting in touch with her. she can get in touch with me if she cares - i know she has all my contact info.

 

i just don't get why she's being weird and has been for months now.

[EvaGina]

To be honest, she sounds like she is an emotionally immature idiot, or she just generally doesnt like you as a person.

 

If she cant handle being friends with an ex, even after a few years, then I wouldnt lose any sleep worrying about it, shes a fool.

 

If she just doesnt like you, then thats no biggie either, some people just dont get along, or they grow apart.

[Lady Bugg]

Hi Deejay..

 

MY guess is that she figures ..like you said...you guys aren;t even "friends" so why do you bother talking to her? Maybe she feels like you guys have nothing to discuss since you've been broken up so long, and she's moved on.

I also don't know what your relationship with her was like..so maybe she is still holding onto some animosity.

 

That's my take..

[Jeffrey2095]

Hello deejay74,

 

It sounds like your ex might be uncomfortable revisiting your former relationship. Hence the short answers to your inquiries, maybe it is too painful for her to analyze why it didn't work with you.

 

Also, maybe she is worried about what her new boyfriend would think about her staying in touch with you.

 

That's all I can guess guy.

 

Good luck

[kellbell]

Hey there deejay,

 

It could be a few things....

 

1. She is not that interested in keeping much contact with you. Like maybe speaking once or twice a year, if that.

 

2. She is not interested in playing "therapist" regarding your recent relationship and breakup. And when you do contact her, she proabably just assumes that is what you want to talk about and she is burnt out about discussing it.

 

3. She is not comfortable with keeping steady contact with you as she is with someone else.

 

In any case, I would refrain from speaking to her. True, you go back a long way and matters ended amicably...but to her, perhaps is does not mean let's be buddies...make sense?

 

Keeping in mind your recent break up and how ruthless your ex was and this ex you now speak of, "A"...and how she is behaving towards you...perhaps it is time to look at the common demonator. Which is you. I see a pattern here...correct me if I am wrong, but have you thought you get into the likes of women whom are a bit rough around the edges and pose somewhat of a "challenge" to you?

[deejay74]

hi and thanks for everyone's responses.

 

i believe A is emotionally immature, just like my recent ex.

 

see the thing is, i haven't spoken to her about my recent ex since the summer. the break up happened about a year ago and the last time i called A was when i ran into my recent ex back in august at a mutual friend's party.

 

i didn't always talk about my ex to A when i spoke to her.

 

although we weren't friends, we used to check in with each other just to catch up but i tried that yesterday and it obviously failed.

 

Keeping in mind your recent break up and how ruthless your ex was and this ex you now speak of, "A"...and how she is behaving towards you...perhaps it is time to look at the common demonator. Which is you. I see a pattern here...correct me if I am wrong, but have you thought you get into the likes of women whom are a bit rough around the edges and pose somewhat of a "challenge" to you?

 

i think you're absoultely right. somehow i seem to subconsciously attracted to "troubled" girls or those who have some sort of emotional issues. the problem with this is i don't realize it until i am involved with them. i am trying to recognize these types of females before it's too late.

 

and maybe i should just let my future exes (gosh, that's sounds awful! ) walk away and never try to contact them again. hmmm...

 

PS - i just made 500 posts!! woo-hoo!

[vesper]

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!