Really really confused

[redrose85]

I'm in a relationship, and have been with him for close to 10 months now. He has made it the best 10 months of my life, bar none. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling as close to him lately, though I still love him. I keep finding myself thinking about another guy that I work with (bf and I work together) though this other guy and I are very different. It's just that there seems to be chemistry.

 

The other guy has a long term girlfriend, and they seem to be very much in love, and they even travel around the world together, but I keep finding myself wondering if he is feeling the same way I am. He always looks up when I enter a room, and my boyfriend was even getting mad about him flirting with me (I hadn't really thought of it that way before) I do love my boyfriend, and we talk about marriage and kids, the whole nine yards, but lately I am having these doubts, and it's just driving me crazy. If I were to break up with my bf, I would be throwing away a great relationship, with someone who treats me like gold. I've never had that before, and I don't even want to hook up with this other guy, I just see myself with my boyfriend, and that's that. When I go out to bars, I'm not impressed by the guys there and wind up wishing my bf was there with me, so we could have fun together. I don't know what's going on with me. Has anyone been through this before? Help!

[EvaGina]

Yes, I definatly have

I was like that over my bf's best friend a few years back. I found that in time the feelings just faded.

 

I found talking to someone about it and putting it into perspective really helped. Even if he DOES feel the same way about you, what difference does it make? Is it worth it to try anything?

[blender]

Sometimes we fall for what see in others, that we really want inside ourselves, and adventure, respect, newness.. these are all the qualities that seem like the grass is always greener.. and for now, your karma, well it's best to respect yourself, your guy, this "new' guys life and his relationship and for you to no longer engage in flirtation.. I know it's tough, and it's normal to have "chemistry" with others, that will always happen in your life, its' whether you choose to act on it that will define your character..

 

So if in time you find that you feel "unfulfilled' inside yourself, it's not about finding the "right interesting new man" it's more about finding out who YOU are, and who YOU want to be in your own life. Newness in another guy is always so much more fun compared to the guy you are with.. that is normal, but it very rarely means it's "better".. it's just "new" and "fun" and "curious" and "exciting".. what feelings did you have when you first met your current boyfriend?

[redrose85]

Wow thanks for the honest replies guys

I am feeling better today, and I know that it is not worth it to try anything, nor do I want to. It's not about the new guys, and Blender hit the nail right on the head! You're exactly right! I listen to his stories about travelling, partying hard, etc... and I guess I want some of that for myself. I think it is the same for him (co-worker) the grass just seems greener... The thing is, my boyfriend and I do have a thirst for travel and adventure, but we have decided to wait until after we are done school (just getting started) and we have careers to build a life on. We want to go to Greece, Italy, anywhere really lol. He took me bungy jumping for my 21st birthday, which was our first adventure.

 

I feel fulfilled in myself, for the most part, but I am young, and am just figuring myself out. I spent the better part of three years in a mentally abusive relationship, and I kind of miss the person I was right after I left that boyfriend, when I was so independent and strong willed. I still am, but not to that extent. I basically think of it as my life began, the day I left that relationship. Most would say that is a good thing, because back then I refused to accept help from anyone, even if I desperately needed it. Now, I know how to ask for assistance and help from someone, and realize that I am not burdening them quite as much as I think I am. I made some huge changes in my life, and I keep friends close and enemies far away, I work hard and play hard, and I am now pursuing an education again as well (first day of college today woohoo!)

 

it very rarely means it's "better".. it's just "new" and "fun" and "curious" and "exciting".. what feelings did you have when you first met your current boyfriend?

 

....New and fun and curious, and exciting, and wonderful. Like a whole new world opening up for me. I would write in my journal every night about how much I wanted to be with this guy. (current bf) With him, I feel like his home is my home too (he assures me it is) and when I come back from a weekend trip or an early morning before work (I carpool to work with him) and crash out in his place, I feel like I am home, and I am where I belong, aside from when I'm at my house