LilyXX Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 What do you do to show love to your partner? What would you like them to do to show you love? There is very little I can do to show my bf I care, he is so self suficient that he does not need anything. I don't cook for him, he is just impossible to satisfy in this department, he does not like massages etc... Whan I asked him what he would like me to do, he said that he likes a certain sexual thing, which I am just not into. So i don't really do anything and I would like to sometimes. I am not very demanding, as long as the guy does not annoy me or bother me I feel fine. If he really want to put some effort into it I like: Masseges, going out, food, especially chocolates, gifts, flowers, sweet talk or anything romantic. I find that most men need some specific instructions to get them to do any of these things. My bf used to write me little love notes in the morning before he left for work, this was the sweetest thing he ever did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeganBohemian Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 I think the biggest way to show true love is being there for a person when things aren't going so well...helping them through things and staying by them even when they insist that they do not need help. They will thank you later on. I show love by being physically and verbally affectionate...I love cuddling and hugging. If I feel an emotion, I will voice it...lots of "I love yous", but only after I have been dating the person a while. My bf of 1.5 years hears me say it alot and he is the same way. I think the way I show him the most love is by being his calming affect when he is upset about something. Instead of criticizing him or leaving, I stay by him and tell him it will be okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
run_little_rabbit Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 A friend of mine gave me this book a few years ago, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Basically, everyone communicates love differently and he breaks it down for you. -words of affirmation -quality time -gifts -acts of service -physical touch Most people connect with at least one of these. For some, all 5 might express love to them. Pay attention to the things that he does for you, because that often implies the kind of things he might like from you. If he used to leave you love notes, you could try leaving him a couple. Or he might feel most loved when you two simply spend time together, especially if you're doing something with him that he knows you don't particularly like (watching sports on tv?). Just try different things out! My boyfriend and I have a very physical relationship, and not just through sex. We're also pretty big on quality time. We like sitting at Barnes & Noble reading magazines, going for walks, and video games. We're nerds... =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilyXX Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 Run little rabbit Thanks, it is a very helpful post. I think may be he just likes speding time together. We have to make more time fro this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilyXX Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 He also like for me to come with him to stores like Walmart and grocery stores, where he wants to spend all day shopping and looking around. I get so bored and impatient, I view it as terrible waste of time. I usually just follow my shopping list and get out in 10-20 minutes. So decided to never again go shopping with him, because it is just so annoying. Today he was asking me if I wanted to come to the store with him 5 times. I did not go. We will just have to spend time together doing something else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
run_little_rabbit Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 My boyfriend and I go to the mall pretty often. Lately he talks about wanting new jeans even though he has about 20 pairs, and whenever we're shopping he'll spend so much time looking at jeans, mayyyybe try a pair on, but never buys them. I always want to say "Why do you even bother?" and I get pretty annoyed sometimes, but I still enjoy shopping with him. I think you're pretty normal there... but maybe you could still go shopping with him once in a while. He seems to enjoy your company. If you don't go into it expecting to be done in 20 minutes (I'm the same way! lol) you'll be able to enjoy your time more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilyXX Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 Funny, usually women are the "shoppers". I pretty much decided to cut the shopping time, I have my priorities and don't see a reason for doing something i don't enjoy. I don't mind shopping for clothes or books. We do schedule dates now. I would rather spend time going to shows, eating out and having fun. He also likes watching movies a lot and I am a total computer addict. I think I will watch more movies with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anggrace Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 My guy is pretty independent as well. But I cant help myself, I hug him alot, ask him about the work hes doing, pick him flowers from my garden, cook- alot, smile at him, ask him questions (because he loves to explain things), leave him notes, give him space when he overloade with work, lots of little stuff. He doesnt really respond to these things each time, but thats not why I do it. I know these small gestures mean alot to him. He still walks me to my car when i leave, kisses me goodnight, takes care of my plants when Im out of town, cooks for me, listens to me go on and on, lots of little things as well. Well, that felt good. We've had some problems lately and its good to remind myself of these things we do have. By the way, even though you dont care to go shopping with him, you should feel good that he wants your company. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissTee Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 A friend of mine gave me this book a few years ago, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Basically, everyone communicates love differently and he breaks it down for you. -words of affirmation -quality time -gifts -acts of service -physical touch This is such a great book! I learnt alot about myself in relationships and in love through this book. My boyfriend and i live together so we are constantly trying to keep our love alive and our relationship working. We are both very affectionate, he knows that I love cuddles and hearing words of love and affirmation. His love langauge is acts of service. He also loves to hear words of love but these words mean nothing to him unless they are also put in practice. So I cook his dinner and make sure our apartment is always nice and clean. Whenever he asks me to do something for him ( ie. pick something up from the shops after work) I always try to do it for him. In response to the original question, through a bit of open and honest communication, I'm sure you will be able to find out more about eachothers love languages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizziebee Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 I agree totally with Vega...Being there when the chips are down for him or he is in the gray area of not wanting to ask for help. Seriously, I take him in my arms, stroke his head and ask him to tell me everything that is bothering him, whatever it is, we all have enough empathy for others to want to truly help and calm and soothe. He loves this and more than anything loves me for this specific thing. Plus, he loves to cook for me so I am kind of off the hook there....not that I am not a good cook! LOL Do what your heart tells you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilyXX Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 I agree and I feel good that he wants my company. He can be really sweet. I am a driven workoholic type, always busy doing something "important". It is not very good for the ralationship. He keeps telling me to relax, I think I will now. I am going to schedule specific times for relaxation and being with him so that I don't feel so guilty doing "nothing". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilyXX Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 -words of affirmation -quality time -gifts -acts of service -physical touch I think that his most important thing is "quality time", while for me it is the least important. I just realized this after knowing the man for 7 years! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvaGina Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Its hard for me at the moment becuase my SO is at the other end of the country and I am a very physical person, but he still texts and tells me lovely things... and when we are together he is very, very attentive. I think I feel loved because I know that if I have a strange thought in the middle of the night, I can wake him up and tell him, and we will talk about it for hours. That and he spends TIME on me... in bed, but not nesassarily sexually, he will make me slow down (I am always all over the place) and enjoy just quietly being with him, yet doing nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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