Aalto Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I have been with my wife for 5-6 years however only married for 1 year. She is my best friend and I love her alot... For the past couple of years our sex life has not been happening now its almost non existent... To get any sex I have to play the guilt trip however its never enjoyable because there is no real flame. I mean its not very exciting when you have to beg for sex with your wife. She has said to me its her own body image thing but that has never bothered us before. I am very fit and healthy and she is over weight but this has always been the case and I have no issues with this... I have tried bringing her into some of my activities such as walking along the beach, going for evening swims etc. but she is not ineterested in any of it.. My problem now is that my wife is my everything but I feel very lonely and unwanted... I was thinking of having a fling before thinking twice and spoke to her about my issues instead. She says sex does not make a marriage and thats true... but I need to feel the love again..... I have no idea what to do and never thought my mind would ever be straying like this... On to the point what is a healthy sex life??.. Is it a kiss and cuddle all the time or is it being sexually attracted and active together..... Its great to have your wife as your best friend, would be better to have her as your lover...what to do, need to change this now before its to late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabican Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 She is right, sex does not make a marriage. However, a marriage without sex... is no marriage at all. You are for all intents and purposes, roomates. Is that what you want for the rest of your life? I wouldnt. And I hate to sound mean, but if I was with a girl who just flat wouldnt have sex, I just flat wouldnt stick around forever. Its one thing if she has a medical condition, then the manly thing is for you to just accept it, and deal however you can. But if she just doesnt 'want to' then what are you to feel other than rejected & unwanted? I would sit her down and tell her that I simply couldnt/ wouldnt continue down this same path without some sort of change. Let her decide what she will with that, and then make your descision. I wouldnt have an affair however, if you are going to go the route of another woman, Id recomment letting her know. If shes ok with it... then do it. If not, maybe its time to part ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 It's not fair for her to expect you to be in a monogomous relationship with her, but without the sex. You have needs! She shouldn't have to participate in something she dislikes, but she should be making an effort to fix the problem. If the problem is her body image, then she should stay fit. I'm not saying to get skinny, but just being active does alot for your self image. If she refuses to even try, that's not really showing love. If the problem is psychological, then she should be trying counselling. Either way, she needs to be taking steps to improve your sex life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aalto Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 I have told her that I feel like we are more room mates than husband and wife. She says I am being ridiculous and cuddles upto me... Then asks what room mate have you ever got this close to?? I don't thiunk I can break up with her.. we are to close in all other ways...I must say I feel very bad putting so much emphasis on sex.... I am really start to regret not soughting the problem before getting married.. The more I have come to love her the less sex and love I have felt... I believe that all the earlier years was more of an act to get me very serious and once I had fallen for her making it hard to leave she stopped all the sex... She really has me around her finger.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 ...I must say I feel very bad putting so much emphasis on sex.... Don't feel bad. She deserves a healthy sex life as much as you do. You're not just doing it for yourself, but for both of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northalius Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Do not have an affair with another woman, even if she says she's 'okay with it' ! Trust me, she'll not be, in the long run. And even if, things will turn out bad in the long run with your emotions toward her. It's just not a good thing. You're either with one person all the time, or you're not with them at all. It's either one or the other, not both. Tell her something like "Trust me, I totally accept you the way you are! But, if you're so self-conscious, then let me help you do something about it!" Bring her to the gym with you, and let her start working out with you. Or better yet, do it at home, where it's more intimate. Exercize can be a way to turn someone on, also. When someone is hot, sweaty and burning, it just sparks something within us. It's a total turn on for my girl and I, anyway. Then the long hot bath or shower together afterward... oh my goodness, it's so awesome. If none of this works, then maybe consider seeing a counselor together about it. But something has to be done, if this is such a huge issue for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brandon_07 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Hey, something should definatly be done about the sitchuation or your marriage will slowly break down until you two have a divorce, I am curious did she put on wieght during your relationship or after your mariage? if she has then maybe that is why she is insecure about herself. You said she has no interest in doing active things with you but you also said the weight issue is not a problem for you, the only real suggestions I have to you besides seeking counciling for this is to try to compliment on her looks as much as can and try to make her feel better about herself and more secure with herself and with her body Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvaGina Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 HAAHA, sex doesnt make a marraige!??? Maybe not, but its a huge part of it!! When I stopped having sex with my ex, it was becuase I kept on telling him what I wanted in bed, and he just wouldnt do it... he would say he would, but would just do what he preferred when we were in the act.... talk to her, ask her if there is anything you can do for her in bed... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abstar Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 make her feel special prehaps not sex atm but try nice massage with candals and flowers and iols get her in the mood keep telling her how georgous and sexy and beautiful she is-- prehaps by her some sexy lingerie...?? make her feel your everything and then when she is turne on 'make love' make love to her not sex passionate loving intimate... xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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