Was I or wasn't I?

[lollipop3]

I think that I was emotionally abused by my ex. My mother and brother think that I was and that I wouldn't accept. I've had older brother, people have always told me I'm head strong, and I always yelled at my bf when he was a jerk, but people seem to think I was emotionally abused. How do I know if I was?

[Steelergal]

Hello lollipop-

 

I am having the same dilemma as you are! Was I or wasn't I? My head is so mixed up as to what was emotional abuse and what was just me (which is what my husband always told me). Anytime I felt badly about the way he was treating me or what he was saying to me....he just turned it around on me. So I never told anybody. Now that we are separated, I have started to open up to family and close friends about our marriage. They are in shock over the things I tell them. My mom actually cried. I still don't think it was anything that bad but everyone tells me that's because I got so used to it. And yet I still want him back!!!

 

I did some research on the Internet on emotional abuse and some of the checklists of things that abusers say and do were identical to what my husband said. Maybe try that? Even so, I am still not convinced that is what happened to me. It just seems so dramatic. But the biggest thing is that my family and friends say they saw changes in me the longer I was with him especially losing my self-confidence and doubting myself all of the time. I also started to have alot of anxiety and panic problems the longer I was with him. But still I think it was me and not him! Soooo I guess the bottom line is that I would like to know how you know if you were emotionally abused or not too but I still don't think I would accept and face it yet if it were true.

 

Here are some examples of stuff my husband did:

 

-called me psycho, oversensitive, dramatic, too emotional, and a b**ch on a regular basis

-would explode for no reason and blame it on me

-if I cried would tell me to stop being a baby and get over it

-told me that I better hope we never split up because there was no one else in the world that would put up with my BS

-told me that everyone else thought I was so sweet and nice but he was the only one that knew the real me and how mean I was

-if I tried to talk to him about being upset about something he said or did, he would say "I can't MAKE you feel anything" (which drove me nuts)

 

And those are just some examples of when things were normal during our marriage...not when things got REALLY bad this summer and I finally stood up for myself...which resulted in him being pushed away and forcing him to turn to another woman for comfort....and now we are separated. I wish I would have just kept my big mouth shut!

 

What kinds of things did you experience???

[Firedancer03]

Would you mind giving us some details about your relationship/breakup? Maybe about his behaviors; did he yell at you a lot, call you names, belittle you, make you feel worthless or insecure? Were you afraid of him or were you afraid to speak up for yourself in the relationship? Did he ever criticize you or humiliate you? Was he controlling and wouldn't let you go places or hang out with certain people? Those could be a few signs of emotional abuse. Also, you could google "signs of emotional abuse" for more information.