Pissed off

[KSpang]

I have a problem that I can't seem to get past.

 

My brother got married in 2003 to a girl he met in college. In October he called me to tell me that she had walked out on him. Now... My brother is NOT the kind of guy you just walk out on! Most women would consider themselves blessed to have such a great, loving, respectful, devoted husband! Needless to say I was very upset. Over the last few months more information has been coming out; she has been sneaking around for nearly a year having affairs with multiple guys. She was making plans to move in with a group of girls that she had met online months before she told my brother that she was ditching him... In fact, she wasn't even going to tell him! She was just going to pack up and walk out! He only found out two days before the planned move because he found a conversation she'd had with one of the girls on his computer! And she didn't even tell her family! HE had to make the call to tell them that she had left him! And when he did, he uncovered the fact that she had been secretly meeting up with guys in Seattle on weekends when she was suppoosedly visiting her grandmother.

 

She has no intention of getting back together with my brother, but instead of ending it she's just dragging it out. She works at our church, and I think she should be fired but they won't do it. He wants to reconcile; he really loves her, and somehow he's found it in his heart to forgive her. But I HATE her; if I had the oportunity to get my hands on her I KNOW I would kill her.

 

Am I justified?

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

are you justified? in what? are you planning on killing her? or being upset over how she treated your brother?

 

I agree, I can see why you would be totally upset, but it sounds like your brother kind of got himself into this mess partially, by being so loyal to someone who obviously isn't loyal to him. I have seen that situation several times also. Are you frustrated a bit with your brother also for being trampled by her?

 

I can definitely understand why you are frustrated, but in the end, it is your brother's mess to clean up, so try not to loose too much sleep over it.

 

good luck

[CarnelianButterfly]

She's worthless and your brother is better off with out her. If she's like this so soon in a marriage, what's it going to be like in 10 years? I'd encourage my brother to ditch any woman that treated him like that. He should cut her off, get a great lawyer and take her all she's worth.

[Dako]

I hope your brother can figure out how he got involved with her.

With luck, he'll remember the warning signs he overlooked.

If his wife was run through a wood chipper, your brother still needs help.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

One can never truly understand someone else's marriage, and it is very common for it to take a LONG time for a decent person to recognize that their spouse is not worthy of the love they give them...

 

although it is maddening, infuriating, etc. etc. to watch this woman behave this way, it is really his decision on how he wants to handle his marriage. Maybe he very strongly believes in his vows, and feels he has to try to work this out for longer than YOU think is necessary... very upsetting to watch, but it is a marriage, and people need to work thru to their own conclusions.

 

the good news is it sounds like she will be leaving him, which will ultimately free him to find someone more loving than she is.

 

and maybe for him, spending a bit more time married to her and not being the one to break it off will make him feel like he did the right thing by her and his wedding vows... so really, he needs your support and love since his wife obviously is putting him thru hell... don't focus on being angry at his wife, focus on loving your brother and helping him get over the pain of being married to someone who behaves like she does...

[KSpang]

Thanks... That helps a lot. I think much of my anger comes from the fact that I'm the only family member who isn't close enough to him to really BE THERE for him, physically. I feel like he's all alone... Even though I know that he has a ton of support. I think I might feel better in March when I can see him and know that he's not wasting away. And no, I don't blame him for any of this. It's hard to explain... It's not that he let her walk all over him... He truly loves her, and she managed to conduct herself in such a way that it APPEARED that she at least CARED for him. She was always a terrible woman to him, constantly trying to start arguments over petty things, but he has always been very patient towards her. The thing that makes me so mad is not that she cheated on him or lied... It's that she did it so deliberately and with the obvious intention to hurt him as much as is humanly possible. It's hard to really explain... He really has hope that things can mend in his relationship. He has faith. And that makes me very proud of him.